I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead
In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your Love—Is That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love and approval. In doing this, you discover how to find genuine love and connection.
The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills—how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren’t. This approach doesn’t work. It leaves millions of walking wounded—those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.
I Need Your Love—Is That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most—the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover’s tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you’ve based your whole life on—and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.
“Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except when it’s terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love—seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people’s love, thinking that’s just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.
This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, work, and friendship.” —Byron Katie
From the Hardcover edition.
By Janet Boyer "Author, Reviewer, Blogger, Mystic" - June 22, 2005
"When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result. Manipulation is separation, and separation is painful. Another person can love you totally in that moment, and you'd have no way of realizing it. If you act from fear, there's no way you can receive love, because you're trapped in a thought about what you have to do for love. Every stressful thought separates you from people." - Byron Katie
Now, more than ever, the "disease to please" runs rampant through every social, economic, and spiritual stratum. Whether seeking to please or appease a boss, parent, teacher, preacher, partner, child, friend, or god, many are on an all-consuming quest for love, appreciation, and approval. Even self-help books add to the striving, encouraging and teaching manipulative skills for attracting, impressing, and seducing others by pretending to be something we aren't.
"It only takes one clear person to have a good relationship - and you are the one."
By Lisa Biskup "Lisa Biskup" - February 22, 2006
Katie is such a gift in this world! From a depressed, angry, fearful businesswoman and mother of three, living in the desert of California, to one of the most genuinely loving and real humans around, Katie offers us the opportunity to meet all our stresful thoughts with simple understanding and shows us how to achieve inner peace and clarity. In her first book, Loving What Is, Katie taught us a simple method of self-inquiry she calls The Work. The Work is four questions and what Katie calls a turnaround that can be applied to any thought that causes you stress, pain, frustration, anger and any negative emotion. If peace and happiness is what you are after, The Work is a fast ticket to that wonderful destination. The basic idea is that when we believe what we think, without asking ourselves, we suffer, and when we use The Work to question stressful thoughts, our mind opens and the effect of that is the heart opens as well.
In this new book, I Need Your Love - Is That True... read more
Something to Consider
By Casey Dawes "Wise Woman Shining" - January 29, 2006
I Need Your Love -- Is That True by Byron Katie with Michael Katz, published by Harmony Books, 2005 (ISBN 1-4000-5107-X)
A client and friend sent me this book as a gift. We had touched on Byron Katie's work during our sessions, so it was appropriate. After reading it, I find I have moments of profound agreement with what Byron Katie says, and yet, I'm not 100% totally comfortable with it.
This book builds on Byron's earlier work in Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.
I Need Your Love brings these questions to relationships. They are good questions because all too often we assume in relationships. We believe certain things should be true when they obviously aren't. We assume the motive behind what someone does when we haven't the foggiest idea of it's true. I don't know about you, but I've carried on whole conversations with people entirely in my head and been darn mad at them -- even before they've opened their mouths... read more