The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive
Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new road map to divorce. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions and the way we handle them shape how we divorceand whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realisticdivorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their childrens resilience. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:. * Why it is so hard to really make divorce work. * How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating. * Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks. * Why parental loveand limit settingcan be the best therapy for kids. * How to talk to children, create workable parenting schedules, and more. Finally, an internationally respected scholar tells parents the absolute truth about divorce and its effect on children.. John Gottman, PhD, author of The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
A Must Read for Divorced Parents
By Gunnar J. Gitlin - October 2, 2004
As a divorce (aka) matrimonial lawyer, I review books involving the effects of divorce on children because it is important to my practice and clients. This is perhaps one of the best books on the subject. Many books on divorce are pessimistic in terms of their overall approach and focus. Dr. Emery is one of the few individuals who basis his writings, etc., on controlled studies as to the effect of divorce upon children (instead of the norm of opinions based upon anecdotes). On my own web site I have recommended this book.
By Lynn M. Selby - February 9, 2005
As a clinical psychologist, I am grateful to have this book to recommend to my patients who are in or contemplating a divorce. In "The Truth about Children and Divorce", Dr. Emery provides parents with an overview of the divorce research that is neither fatalistic or sugar coated. From his years of clinical practice, he offers detailed and specific "scripts" of what to say to tell the children at different ages and in different situations (such as when there is an affair), thoughts on different custody schedules and advice about establishing a co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, Dr. Emery writes in the compassionate and personal voice of someone who has coached many a parent through the difficult road of separating their pain from their parenting, and who has traveled this difficult road himself. If you only recommend one book, this should be it.
Mixed emotions about this book
By H. Gillespie - September 14, 2010
This book does an excellent job of reminding you the children are first, giving you tips for dealing with your emotions, and presenting stories about other couples which can demonstrate the message the authors are trying to relay. My problem with the book was when the authors started expressing over and over that the goal is to keep the children in an environment which is as good as it was before, and for them to continue to live the life they would have led if their parents had not divorced. I am getting divorced primarily to prevent that from happening! I do not want my child to continue to live the life he was living, or to think the relationship his dad had with either of us was the way marriage should be. I skimmed the rest of the book after I realized this message was being so strongly portrayed, and never found a section which dealt with the fact that sometimes a divorce removes a child from a very dysfuntional family (beyond the typical "Mommy and Daddy are fighting")... read more
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