The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No
No is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful word in the language. Every day we find ourselves in situations where we need to say No–to people at work, at home, and in our communities–because No is the word we must use to protect ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that matters to us.
But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy what we most value by alienating and angering people. That’s why saying No the right way is crucial. The secret to saying No without destroying relationships lies in the art of the Positive No, a proven technique that anyone can learn.
This indispensable book gives you a simple three-step method for saying a Positive No. It will show you how to assert and defend your key interests; how to make your No firm and strong; how to resist the other side’s aggression and manipulation; and how to do all this while still getting to Yes. In the end, the Positive No will help you get not just to any Yes but to the right Yes, the one that truly serves your interests.
Based on William Ury’s celebrated Harvard University course for managers and professionals, The Power of a Positive No offers concrete advice and practical examples for saying No in virtually any situation. Whether you need to say No to your customer or your coworker, your employee or your CEO, your child or your spouse, you will find in this book the secret to saying No clearly, respectfully, and effectively.
In today’s world of high stress and limitless choices, the pressure to give in and say Yes grows greater every day, producing overload and overwork, expanding e-mail and eroding ethics. Never has No been more needed. A Positive No has the power to profoundly transform our lives by enabling us to say Yes to what counts–our own needs, values, and priorities.
Understood this way, No is the new Yes. And the Positive No may be the most valuable life skill you’ll ever learn!
From the Hardcover edition.
Root your No in a deeper Yes
By Coert Visser "solutionfocusedchange.com" - March 30, 2007
William Ury is the co-author of the well-known book Getting to YES. In this book he explains how he has come to realize that getting to yes is only half of the picture. Ury even says that "whether and how we say No determines the very quality of our lives." The reason is that word No is indispensible whenever you have to stand up for what really matters to you.Certain situations can create tension between an issue which is important to you and a relatinoship that is also important to you. This tension can make us fall into the three-A trap of Accomodation (saying yes when we mean No), Attacking (responding forcefully) and Avoiding (doing nothing at all). Ury presents the positive No as a way out. In short this means:
1. Yes! -> positively and concretely describing your core interests and values
2. No. -> explicitely link your no to this YES!
3. Yes? -> suggest another positive outcome or agreement to the other person
The title isn't a cute play on words. This book really does reveal how to say "no" in a positive way. Some people think saying no is negative behavior, without recognizing the reality that failing to saying no (when you should) can do immense harm. Some people think that getting your way ("winning") is what matters, and they render their "no" in a way that diminishes their own position and everyone involved.
The first view is disrespectful to yourself and dishonest toward the other person. The latter is disrespectful to the other person and dishonest toward yourself. Neither view takes into consideration that two parties have their own needs and agendas to meet. When one side loses, both lose.
A third way, which Ury reveals, is honest and respectful to both parties. Consequently, it leads to a positive outcome for both parties. Sometimes, it's a matter of leaving a door open. You may have worked with someone who quit and came back several times over the course of... read more
This book is gift to all of us
By Stuart Dauermann "Bookaholic" - April 3, 2007
I bought this book for twenty dollars, plus tax . . . but it was still a gift. I say this because Ury is clearly a world-class leader in the field of negotiatons, whose expertise has been honed in the most varied and challenging of circumstances. Yet, in this book he shares many of the secrets by which he makes his bread and butter and earns the respect of giants of industry, government, as well as the more proletarian lives he touches. I asked myself, "Why did this very busy and successful man bother to take the time to lay all of this out for us common folk?" Sure, he'll make a big profit from the endeavor, but still, we will gow rich as well, in other ways, due to his having bothered to share his hard-earned wisdom with us all.
In writing this book, Ury has done us all a service, certainly myself. From the very beginning, he increased my awareness and sense of confidence in social and professional relationships, as when I had to quickly draw the line with a person... read more