A Hint of Cherry V2

INT. BEDROOM
DEBRA is walking around the bedroom, talking on her phone.
DEBRA
I'm telling you Elise. I had a
marvelous day.
EXT. PATIO - DAY
ELISE
Tell me about it.
INTERCUT, ELISE and DEBRA
DEBRA
Tulips are coming in nicely.
Finally.
ELISE
You've already had issues with
those. Maybe they just needed more
sunlight.
DEBRA
They must have.
ELISE
But that can't be your whole day?
DEBRA
Nope. Took a refreshing drive
through the country. The air was
pretty crisp, just like back home.
DEBRA (CONT'D)
Oh, and that creepy ass man next
door brought me chocolates again.
ELISE
Least he's not jacking off in the
bushes anymore.
DEBRA
That was quite a surprise while
grabbing the mail.
ELISE
I'll bet. Nothing like harry man
balls fapping in the wind while you
look at your electric bill.

---

2.
DEBRA
Those chocolates had cherries in
them too. You know how allergic I
am.
ELISE
I know. I'd press charges.
DEBRA
He meant well though.
ELISE
I suppose he did.
DEBRA
Can't have a much better day. Than
that though... despite almost being
poisoned.
ELISE
What about your other visitor?
DEBRA walks over to her closet. There's a man in it, tied up.
DEBRA
Yup, fucker's still in here. Maybe
I should feed him.
RICH
Yeah, I'm getting pretty hungry in
here. Some Subway would be nice.
DEBRA
You really shouldn't break into
people's houses like that. It's
rude.
RICH
Hey, I'm sorry all right. I must
have lost my head. Shit was rude.
Now about that food...
DEBRA
You're lucky I didn't pop your head
off.
RICH
You're pretty strong for an old
girl.
DEBRA
I work out.

---

3.
RICH
It shows.
DEBRA
Don't try to flatter me.
RICH
Can I come out of the closet now.
DEBRA
I'm a little homophobic.
RICH
You're real fucking funny. They
should give you a show.
DEBRA
Such language. What is it with you
young people? Go to church
Goddamnit
DEBRA (CONT'D)
No respect.
RICH
I got friends. They're gonna notice
I'm missing.
DEBRA
Think they'll check the house with
the sweet lady in it? Not a chance
brother.
RICH
Maybe we could come to some sort of
arrangement?
DEBRA
Don't you find it strange I haven't
killed you yet?
RICH
Actually yeah, that is kinda
surprising.
DEBRA
I could smell you when you come in.
DEBRA approaches RICH.
DEBRA (CONT'D)
O-Postive? Am I correct?

---

4.
RICH
My blood? I think it is.
DEBRA bites his neck.
INT. RESTAURANT
ANDRIA is sitting, trying to drink her coffee, and KURT comes
to join her.
KURT
You heard from Rich at all?
ANDRIA
Hell no.
KURT
No need to get all rude and shit.
ANDRIA
Sorry Kurt, what's that, five dead
now... just for this lady?
KURT
Six if you include that dog.
ANDRIA
I liked that dog. I named him
Squishy, because he was my Squishy.
KURT
At least we know that woman has
some sort of connection to all this
shit.
ANDRIA
Any bodies turn up?
KURT
No, which is weird. Vampires
usually ditch the bodies after
they've done the deed.
ANDRIA
Clearly we're not dealing with the
typical vampire.
KURT
Brilliant deduction Andria. Wanna
guess my weight?

---

5.
ANDRIA
Someone's a rude motherfucker
today.
KURT
You bet your ass I'm a rude
motherfucker. What am I supposed to
tell my blogger friends? That I
can't even kill a goddamn vampire?
ANDRIA
Jesus, get some real fucking
friends.
ANDRIA (CONT'D)
How are we gonna take this one out?
KURT
I've never had one this stubborn
before. I don't know.
ANDRIA
I could call my cousin.
KURT
Why?
ANDRIA
He's into this sort of thing.
EXT. PARKING LOT
In a secluded area, GARY shows off his wares in the back of
his truck.
GARY
Yeah, I'm Gary. Gary Jones.
KURT
Gary Jones.
GARY
Don't let the bland name fool you.
I'm as dynamic as they come. You
might have seen me in Maxim.
KURT
Can't say I have.
GARY
Great issue.

---

6.
ANDRIA
We're hunting a vampire Gary.
GARY
Very nice.
ANDRIA
Not nice, she's already got a few
of us.
GARY
Okay, so you're gonna want the good
stuff.
GARY (CONT'D)
Semis, automatics, Grenades.
ANDRIA
I don't think we're gonna need
grenades.
GARY
They're some tricky motherfuckers.
I'd take 5 grenades. You never
know.
ANDRIA
Wow.
GARY
They're all like, let me suck you
off. I'm all like, great. Then they
bite your dick...
KURT
(Interrupting)
Yeah... I'm kinda liking this shit.
How much?
GARY
A hundo.
KURT
Bye.
ANDRIA
The safety of this whole town,
fuck, the world is at stake. No pun
intended.
GARY pauses for a minute.
GARY
Take what you need.

---

7.
INT. LIVING ROOM
RICH is now chained a a wall. There's a pile of medical
looking supples and IV's near him.
RICH
Least you had the decency to tie me
up downstairs.
DEBRA
Oh shut up.
RICH
You really are a shitty host. No
drink?
DEBRA
Didn't I just tell you to shut up?
Awkward pause.
RICH
How's my blood taste?
DEBRA
Boring.
RICH
Boring?
DEBRA
Yes, there's no kick to your blood.
It's like drinking warm beer.
RICH
You serious? My blood is just as
good as any other blood out there.
DEBRA
Your blood sucks. But I have an
answer for that.
RICH
I'm guessing it's in all these
tubes and shit over here.
DEBRA
Yes, you're wise beyond your years.
HANS walks in behind DEBRA.
HANS
Sup girl?

---

8.
DEBRA
You know, I keep the door locked to
keep unwanted people out.
HANS
Good thing it's locked then right?
HANS approaches RICH.
HANS (CONT'D)
Who's your new boyfriend.
DEBRA
This is Richard. He tried to stake
me the other night.
HANS
Oh... that's not good.
HANS (CONT'D)
He hurt you?
DEBRA
If he did he wouldn't be alive
right now.
RICH
Fuckin Werewolves in this town too?
HANS
Property values have been dropping
significantly for a minute now. I
think it's blacks, not us
werewolves.
RICH
My friends are gonna be here soon.
And they're gonna kick your asses.
Both of you!
Doorbell rings.
RICH (CONT'D)
I'll bet that's them now. You're
all so dead.
HANS
I got it.
EXT. HOUSE
ELISE is standing outside fiddling with her phone
impatiently.

---

9.
ELISE
Almost time to watch some True
Blood. She'd better have some blood
for me this time.
HANS
Yes.
ELISE
Fuck are you doing here?
HANS
I'm fucking the owner.
ELISE
You're hilarious. Really you are.
Let me in.
HANS
What if I don't want you let you
in.
ELISE
Excuse me?
HANS
You've been kinda rude. How can I
trust you. Could be working with
some hunters or something?
ELISE
Know what else is rude?
HANS
Your face?
INT. LIVING ROOM
ELISE walks in with HANS holding his face behind her.
ELISE
Oh quit whining, just put some ice
on it and it won't swell up.
ELISE (CONT'D)
Hey, what's up?
DEBRA
Elise, how are things?
ELISE approaches RICH.

---

10.
ELISE
So this is the guy?
RICH
Apparently I'm the guy today. Yeah,
I'm THE GUY.
ELISE
Is his blood really that boring?
RICH
Again with my blood being boring.
I'm sorry it's not some sort of
Fiesta Blend or some shit for you.
DEBRA
That's the reason you're here today
Elise.
ELISE
Come again?
HANS returns with some frozen peas for his eye.
HANS
You're so fucking mean today.
Bitch...
DEBRA
Examine all the equipment there.
ELISE
Yes?
DEBRA
We're going to add a little flavor
to his blood.
EXT. HOUSE
ANDRIA and KURT are all decked out and ready for battle.
ANDRIA
Okay... you ready for this?
KURT
Guns garlic... cross.
KURT (CONT'D)
So fucking ready.
ANDRIA
You pumped?

---