Armed and Dangerous Pilot

Armed & Dangerous
Kris Krzysztofiak

FBI Statistics state that 40% of Bank Robberies go unsolved every year.


Season 1, Episode 1
"PILOT"
Kris Krysztofiak
(c) copyright 2012- All Rights Reserved

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INT. FIRST NATIONAL BANK - NEW YORK - DAY
Two men walk into the bank wearing wool caps which they quickly pulled over their faces. One man
stood next to the front door and secured the entrance, disarming the security guard from behind and
covering his mouth with a rag, immediately knocking him out, all while maintaining a hauntingly silent
presence. He sat the guard down and looked up at the other man. They nodded to each other.
MAN 1
NOBODY MOVE!
MAN 2
I need everybody on the ground in 3 seconds. Anyone left standing will be on the ground by force of
bullet, are we clear?
MAN 1
Don't you dare press any panic buttons, I don't want to see any heroes. If one of you has to die, you all
die. Don't be the one to ruin it for everybody.
MAN 2
1. 2. 3. Good, you all listen. Now, unless you all want to die, just lay there quietly and let us work. There
is absolutely no reason for anyone to die here today, it wasn't even in my plan. BUT. If you get between
me and the money in that vault, I will kill you. Don't test me.
Man 1 walks to the center teller station and sees a trembling young woman, clearly terrified of the
situation. The man puts his arm on the counter and leans on his wrist to show a sympathetic "it's okay"
look to the teller. It does not put her at ease.
MAN 1
Here's what I need, honey. I need to you empty those drawers into this bag. Quickly. The longer you
take, the more I'm going to think you're up to something. You don't want that, uh.. Wendy. Oh, and so
we're clear, there better not be any dye packs, traceable bills or GPS garbage in here. If there is, I
suggest you be a smart girl and take it out right now, or I know who I'm coming back for.
Wendy the teller empties the drawers into the bags, assuring the man that there is no funny business.
MAN 1
Now let's go to the vault.

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Wendy leads the man to the vault, opens it and fills his bags with stacks of bills.
MAN 1
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Wendy, still terrified, could not look him in the eyes or respond to him.
MAN 1
Alright, show's over.
Man 1 Whistles, and Man 2 with his gun still aimed at the people on the ground backed slowly towards
the door.
MAN 2
See, You guys did great! No one died!
They run out the door and into a white sedan left running just down the street of the bank.
MAN 1
Kyle, Holy crap man! You acted like a total gangster, that was awesome! Cocking your gun in between
words like "Hey everybody .. GET -gun cock- DOWN!" It's awesome!
KYLE
Don't even get me going, I was like "Herbie is telling this woman to give him all the money, this is really
happening", I almost passed out. I thought all of our hostages were gonna bum rush me, then I almost
said it out loud and thought they heard me and were planning on doing it, so I'm glad we got out when
we did. It was only a matter of time. I look weak, Herb.
HERBIE
Yeah, no arguments there. So what's the haul look like?
KYLE
Not sure, at last count it was THREE DUFFEL BAGS FULL OF MONEY!
HERBIE
WOO! So now what? We go to the casino and double it?!

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KYLE
Don't be an idiot, I'm sure there are a dozen police officers out there looking for us. We're going to the
safehouse out in the suburbs. We're all set up. I told my cousin to go to this house and fill it with food. I
gave him a bunch of cash and told him to get as much as he could for the money, so we'll be set for as
long as we need.

HERBIE
So we just hang out there for a few days and -
KYLE
Could be longer than days, Herb. But just think, you stick it out a little bit and you walk away with a bag
of money.
HERBIE
Well, we'll see how things go. If you get annoying I'll just shoot you out back and take your cut. Let that
be your warning!
KYLE
Just shut up and let me drive. I'll wake you up when we get there. Or smother you with a pillow in your
sleep. I'll see how I feel when we get there.


EXT. SAFEHOUSE - Front Door - Day

The group pulls up in front of the safehouse. Kyle looks around and the coast is clear to get into the
house.

KYLE
It looks as good a time as any. I think we're in the clear. Here's what we do. Go around back and.. HEY!
PASSENGER SEAT

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Herbie is halfway out the car door, looking left to right and running towards the back gate of the house.
KYLE
Dammit, This is a great start to laying low.
Kyle walks out of the car, humming a happy tune and staring to the sky with the bag of money hung over
his shoulder. He walk towards the open back gate, turns to close it and gives his new suburban
neighborhood an approving nod.
INT SAFEHOUSE - Living Room - Day
HERBIE
This isn't that bad, man. We'll just be two dudes hanging out in here all the time... just you and me...
with all this money we can't spend. How long did you say we have to stay here?
KYLE
Until it feels right. We have a TV, we'll check out the news and see when everything dies down. When
it's right, we'll go our separate ways.
HERBIE
Wait, separate ways? I thought you might wanna open up like a business with me, you know, two bros
coming into work, running a business, high fiving over all the profits we make. It could be really
awesome man.
KYLE
Herbie. Do you honestly think I participated in a bank robbery, which is a felony, to co-own some... I
don't know, muffin making company with you? No.

HERBIE
It wouldn't be muffins, you ass. I would make something that would help the world, like... I don't know
yet, but you know, even muffins wouldn't be the worst thing in the world!
KYLE
No way, man. I'm going halfway across the world to some island I can't pronounce where I can get drunk
and dance with women I won't remember. That's what I'm gonna do.
HERBIE

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All this talk about muffins and dancing is making me hungry, let's get some food. You'll come around on
this muffin idea, I know it.
INT - SAFEHOUSE - Kitchen - Day
Herbie is going through the cabinets in the kitchen
HERBIE
Kyle, what gives man, this is all Shrimp Ramen!? I thought you said you would have this place ready for
us! Whatever happened to being set?
KYLE
It was supposed to be! I don't know what happened. It's all Shrimp Ramen? It can't be all shrimp ramen.
HERBIE
Kyle, every. square. inch. of this kitchen's real estate is covered in shrimp ramen. What are we gonna do,
man? I'd rather rot in prison than be stuck here with you and a three year supply of shrimp ramen!
KYLE
We can't go anywhere, We're just going to have to deal with this. It's not that bad.
HERBIE
There is no -
The doorbell rings.
HERBIE
I'll get it.

KYLE
Herbie, NO! We're laying low you idiot -
Herbie opened the door to reveal an African American teenager with a handful of flyers and a box of
candy.
HERBIE
What's this about, kid, we're in the middle of something

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KID
Sir, I am part of the Raptors youth basketball program and we are raising money for -
HERBIE
Wait here, Kid.
Herbie pulls Kyle off to the side.
HERBIE
Listen, what if we didn't have to go anywhere. We could just pay this kid to go to the store for us. He's
too dumb to know any better, we'll give him like 50 bucks to go to the store and hook us up at least until
we can figure something else out.
KYLE
Fine. But, only this once. You can't just open the door for who--
HERBIE
Yeah yeah yeah shut up shut up
Herbie turns to the kid
HERBIE
So..Whatcha got there, champ?
Flash forward a few minutes to the kid speaking with Herbie
KID
So let me get this straight, you will give me $50 to go to the store and buy everything on this list.
KYLE
That's right, and you'll get it as soon as you come back. What's your name, kid?
KID
It's Trevon
KYLE
Okay, Trevon, I need you to be quick and not tell anyone what you're doing, got it?

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TREVON
Got it. Ima keep the change though. And if there's store brands, you two will just have to deal with it,
and y'all need to learn about food groups, I'm making some modifications to this list
KYLE
Whatever, Trevon, I don't care, just be fast.
HERBIE
Well, Be fast... but don't just get garbage... I'm just saying, I don't want to choose shrimp ramen over
whatever this kid gets
KYLE
Whatever, Just hurry back.
HERBIE
Hey wait, Trevon, quick question... What do you guys REALLY do with that money, I've NEVER ever seen
a "Raptors" Basketball team jersey... What is it really all about?
KYLE
HERB! Not the time! Go Trevon.
While waiting for Trevon to return, Kyle is pacing back and forth.
HERBIE
You need to calm down, man. This is all your fault anyway. Mr. Know It All can't figure out how to
grocery shop.
KYLE
Oh yeah, it's not like I was too busy planning the robbery to make sure we had a good food selection

HERBIE
I've been telling you to reevaluate your priorities forever. This kid might be our ticket, though. Think
about it. What if we are like, "Hey, we're stuck here for 6 months, maybe we should get an Xbox. Oh
wait, We're wanted felons so we can't leave the house. OH. BUT WAIT. There's this innocent little
basketball playing black teenager with a handful of cash ready to buy us whatever we want! All we gotta
do is pay the delivery charge and we get whatever we want.

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KYLE
And what happens when this kid finds out who we are? Kids don't keep their mouths shut about
anything, dude. Kids tell the world when they eat, shit and sleep all over the internet. I bet everything
that just happened is already posted on his "FaceWall" thing! We gotta be careful. I don't want the last
thing I do in this house is get caught pants down by the FBI with a mouthful of crappy ramen. Just
promise me we'll lay low and make it out of here without handcuffs.
HERBIE
No, you know what. We're technically rich now, man. And I for one, refuse to live like a peon. You can
lock yourself in your room, but I will NOT live like a savage watching TBS at 9 p.m. on a Friday just
because I'm a wanted felon, no matter HOW good the episode of Big Bang Theory is! I am going to get
this kid to hook us up as soon as he gets back and the three of us are going to parrrr-tayyy.
KYLE
You will not take me down with you, man. If it comes down to it, I promise I will scream that I'm your
hostage and watch that sniper shoot you between the eyes. Do not test me.
HERBIE
You're all talk. I hope this kid gets back soon, I'm starving, I swear I'll be so peeved if he forgot the pizza
rolls. You remembered to put that on the list, right?
The doorbell rings
KYLE
I'll get it! I won't just open it for anyone!
Kyle checks the peephole and sees Trevon grinning. He lets Trevon in.
TREVON
Damn, what took you so long, you expecting someone?
KYLE
No, just being safe.
TREVON
Yeah, with all the black kids runnin' round this neighborhood, can't be too careful, huh?
Herbie runs to the door and grabs the bags out of Trevon's hands.

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KYLE
Just shut up, Did you get everything?
HERBIE
I'm on it! Doing inventory now!
Herbie runs the bags over to the couch and checks for everything, smiling as he pulls his pizza rolls from
the bag and cuddling them like a baby.
KYLE
Well, considering I haven't heard any screaming, I'm assuming you got everything we asked for, so as
promised here's your 50 bucks.
TREVON
Actually it's gonna be $200 now.
KYLE
Wait, what? Why?
TREVON
Well, you know those stupid TVs they have while you wait in line at the grocery store? Someone did a
very lovely job drawing of the two of you side by side with a lovely caption. "Wanted for Bank Theft:
Armed and Dangerous"
KYLE
Dammit. Had to open the door. What do you want kid?
TREVON
I want a cut.
KYLE
A CUT? Are you crazy, you're a kid, you have nothing to do with this!

TREVON
Unless you two want to become someone's girlfriend, I'd listen to me. I keep my mouth shut, you pay
me. Simple as that.

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