BAK1: A Sampler

By Josh Baker
THE HULLINGTON POST
1st Edition
(A Sampler)
"She's Going To Blow Up the CHILD SEX RING TO GO ON SALE
Plane"
AT TOWN HALL AUCTION
Hull Couple Arrested After Wife Inflates Toy Airliner in Humberside
Airport Departures Lounge
Humberside airport is normally a
Mary & Harry Beavers are a mar-
they actually go caravaning on there
quiet, subdued place where holiday ried couple from Hull and should be holidays.
go getters would choose for an easy enjoying a holiday in Dubrovnik but
P.I.Scott Smith was on hand to pro-
going transportation to there tropical right now they are facing questioning vide a statement on behalf of T.W.A.T
luxury destinations such as Aberdeen, from Humberside Police division (Terrorism Watch and That) "We can
Amsterdam or Bulgaria. Filled with T.W.A.T. (Terrorism Watch and That) confirm we have taken two terrorist
drunks and people carrying more dis-
on Wednesday last week at 12:32pm a suspects in for questioning relating to
Child Sex Ring....Obviously
eases than an HIV ridden pidgeon the disturbance was reported in the depar-
an event that took place at Humberside
airport is still in better condition and ture lounge described as a red alert eye Airport one of the suspects appeared
deals with less delays than most NHS witnesses recall a man and a woman to have been holding a phone to his
waiting rooms but on Tuesday last (now confirmed Mary & Harry Bea-
head whilst shouting "She's going to
HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL THE
week for the first time ever something vers) acting suspicously, Mrs Barrett , blow up the plane" the other suspect
interesting happened on Humberside. 65 of Gypsyville who wishes to remain was searching for something with her
TEENAGERS IN EAST HULL!
anonymous spoke of the event "Me mouth in a disguised inflatable plane
"T.W.A.T was
Woolworths voucher inside.
and my husband Geoffrey were in the shaped dingy, T.W.A.T was called in
WHSmith's when it was all happening immediately and it's a good job we've
called in
I was browsing a selection of murder been preparing for just this scenario
#
mystery novels whilst Geoffrey said over that past 25 years of training the
immediatley"
RUSSELL WATSON TICKET DISCOUNT
he was reading up on animals in some-
situation was disolved quickly and
thing called Zoo Weekly he must have with no sever casualties, we would
been on the horseback section because like to point out an elderly woman had
TENOR OFF!
he kept mentioning what a good ride a prosthetic limb before the sniper ac-
P.I.Scott Smith he'd give them". It turns out Mrs & cidentallyshot her." The Home Office
Mr Barrett did not see the event infact has declined to comment at this time.
Hulls Oldest Man
Reaches Century
Phone
Q&A With the City's
Favourite Bee Lady
But team bowled all out Hacking
&
Nicest Ever Person
for 240 - See back page for Sport
Apology
Jean Bishop
The Weather:
From
The Hullington Post
Q. Thanks for joining us Jean, it's our pleasure
A. Too right it should be!
Q. Erm Ok, How much have you raised for charity over the years Jean?
It's hit the fan
A. Too bloody much it's just give give give with them ****s when's Jean going
to get something?
Q. Well you're going to be official Olympic Torhcbearer for the city.
B
A. Woop-de-****ing-doo I get to carry a stick on fire past Primark and pass it
y Josh Baker
e
onto some chav who'll probably set a Fiat Punto on fire with it.
ditor
Dear readers/reader/person who is Q. We had you down as the nicest person ever Jean?
using this as bedding for there gerbil A. Go **** yourselves, the lot of you I'm off to snort cocaine and throw bricks
of The Hullington Post I would like at the salvation army.
to issue an apology to the city and
surrounding areas of Hull. We have
a remarkable history and tradition at we ran the following breakthrough
what's been offered is a fair reflection
this paper of 1 day and we have let the stories such as "Genna Can You of our up most sincerity, so enjoy your
people, our families and most impor- Pick Some Milk Up After Work" all inclusive paid trip to the maritime
tantly ourselves down, you may have and "Rob I'm Having a Baby...
museum.
WARNING!
heard of recent allegations of phone But I Can't Decide Which One In
HIGH RISK OF
hacking and we are dissapointed to The Nursery I Want" these stories
Again my sincere apologies in the
SOUTHERNERS
confirm this is true.
captured the hearts of a city and only
way we have behaved and I take full
USE CAUTION
Numerous voicemails of local citi- through our thirst to provide the whole
responsibility in saying it definately
zens were hacked into over the past 2 truth of a story lead us into taking "Il-
was not my fault.
years for what we thought at the time legal" ways of obtaining information.
was in the best interest of the general
We will be settling compensation
public, from the information retrieved with the affected people and we feel
Death Man Wins Hearing Against
WE WANT YOU!
Betting Firm
We are looking for writers to expand The Hullington Post
Craig Harris is not someone who out on a bet placed by Craig on the
Championship we don't know which
been dealt the best cards in the game Grand National this year, the firm is more ridiculous but after a legal bat-
to include more totally relevant and true stories and more that is life, it is a good job his middle say they will give odds on absolutely tle the High Courts ruled in Mr Harris'
spelling and grammar mistakes, so if you're interested
name is not lucky it is actually indeed anything so Mr Harris placed a bet of
favour an have told the bookmakers
then please contact us at hullingtonpost@gmail.com.
Margaret.
3000 on Seabiscuit to not finish he
to pay the entire winnings.
Death and mute from birth Craig has race at 10/1 given by the bookmakers.
Mr Harris spoke of his satisfaction-
had to over come adversity to triumph
Craig watched tensely to see if his
through leading sign language inter-
Who knows you may just save a life.
in life, but nothing has stopped him stake would come in and it did as of
preter Julian Korg "Craig is saying...
following his dreams he is now one course Seabiscuit has been dead since
you put your left leg in, your left leg
of the head customer service repre- 1947, the bookmakers sent Mr Harris
out, in, out, in, out, shake it all about,
sentatives for the leading electronical an email saying they wouldn't be
you do the hokey kokey and you turn
retailers in the area, he has however paying out due the ridiculous nature around that's what it's all about."
come into some trouble with an online of his bet but did offer him a free 5
Indeed that is what it's all about.
betting firm who have refused to pay bet on England winning the European

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