Child Sexual Abuse

Child
Sexual Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Facts About Abuse
And Those Who
Commit It
A program of

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Our lawmakers have tried to control
this ”silent epidemic“1 by making
sure that convicted sex abusers
register with the police.
But most sexual abusers (84%) are
never reported.2 So the police and
the courts can’t tell you about these
sex abusers because they don’t
know who the abusers are.
Joan Tabachnick, Editor
Chandler & Co., Design
We would also like to extend
our heartfelt thanks to those
who contributed significantly
to this publication:
Stacey Bird Edmunds
Eric Kolvig
Euan Bear
Sonja Larson
And many others as readers
and supporters of this work.

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Contents
Why Do We Need To Know About Sexual Abusers? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
What Exactly Is Child Sexual Abuse? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Who Sexually Abuses Children?
Why Do People Sexually Abuse?
Can People Who Sexually Abuse Children Stop It?
What About Children Who Sexually Abuse Other Children?
What Can You Do? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
We All Need To Speak Up
Develop A Safety Action Plan For Your Family
Community Notification and You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
What Is Community Notification?
Don’t Wait To Be Notified
A Call To Action
A Happiness Worth Defending
CHECKLISTS: Warning Signs About Child Sexual Abuse
Touching & Non-Touching Behaviors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Behavioral Warning Signs A Child May Have Been Abused . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Physical Warning Signs A Child May Have Been Abused . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
What Is Healthy Sexuality In Children? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
What To Watch Out For When Adults Are With Children . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Alert Signals For An Adult With Sexual Behavior Problems . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
National Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Inside Back Cover
One in five girls and one in seven
boys are being sexually abused
before age 18.3
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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Why Do We Need To Know About
Sexual Abusers?
We need to know about sexual abusers because sexual abuse of children is all around us in
American homes and communities. Five hundred thousand children are sexually abused each
year.4 What that huge number means is that one in five girls and one in seven boys will be sexual-
ly abused before age 18.5
We’ve only begun to see how much child abuse there is and how much it hurts children. Our law-
makers have tried to control this “silent epidemic” (AMA, 1995) by making sure that the sex
abusers we know about have to register with the police and by telling people about the convicted
sex abusers in their neighborhoods.
This may help in some situations. But most sexu-
al abusers (88 percent) are never reported.7 So
In 90 percent of child
the police and the courts can’t tell you about
sexual abuse cases, the
these sex abusers because they don’t know who
child knows and trusts
the abusers are.
the person who commits
the abuse.6
To keep our communities safe, we need to learn
what to do about people who are sexually abus-
It’s hard to face the fact
ing children and have not been caught. Kids
that someone we know
shouldn’t have to try to stop sexual abuse all by
— and even like — might
themselves. We adults have to learn to see when
be a sexual abuser.
people are acting strange around our kids. And
we have to learn what to do when we think a
person is harming a child in a sexual way. It’s a
lot like what you do when you see someone who
is drinking and planning to drive: you try to get them help so they don’t hurt someone. There are
warning signs that can help us figure out whether someone we know might be sexually interested
in children.
This booklet contains a lot of the information we need to protect and help children we know. We
can learn what to look for and
how to talk about sexual abuse
with other adults and with chil-
dren. We can figure out what to
do when we see something, even
though we think, “Well, maybe
I’m just over-reacting.” The most
important piece of information we
can use to protect our kids is
knowing who to call for advice,
for help, or to report a case of
abuse.
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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What Exactly Is Child Sexual Abuse?
If you’re not sure exactly what child sexual abuse is,
you’re not alone. Only half of the people called in a
Child Sexual Abuse
recent survey could define it.
Includes Touching and Non-
Child sexual abuse is sexual activity with a child by an
Touching Behaviors
adult, an adolescent, or an older child. When any adult
Touching behaviors include:
engages in sexual activity with a child, that is child sex-
Touching a child’s genitals (penis,
ual abuse. It is a crime in all 50 states. When sexual
testicles, vulva, breasts, or anus) for sexual
activity involves another child or an adolescent, it is not
pleasure or other unnecessary reason.
always so clear. Some kinds of sexual behavior among
Making a child touch someone else's
children might be innocent explorations rather than
genitals, or playing sexual (“pants-down”)
abuse. Check the section called What About Children
games.
Who Sexually Abuse Other Children? later in this book-
Putting objects or body parts (like
let for help in figuring out whether what you’re seeing
fingers, tongue or a penis) inside the vulva
between children may be abuse.
or vagina, in the mouth, or in the anus of
a child for sexual pleasure or other
Who Sexually Abuses Children?
unnecessary reason.
Non-touching behaviors include:
Sexual abusers are likely to be people we know, and
Showing pornography to a child.
could even be people we care about. It would be easy to
Exposing a person’s genitals to a child.
figure out who the sexual abusers are if they were like
Photographing a child in sexual poses.
the ones we see on TV —those strangers in trench coats
Encouraging a child to watch or hear
hanging around the edges of playgrounds or the “mon-
sexual acts either in person or on a video.
sters” who kill and mutilate children. But they’re hard-
Watching a child undress or use
ly ever like that.
the bathroom, often without the child’s
knowledge (known as voyeurism or
In 90 percent of child sexual abuse cases,
being a “Peeping Tom”).
the child knows and trusts the person who
If you have any questions about these or other
commits the abuse.8
signs and symptoms, please call the Stop It
Now! GEORGIA Toll-Free Helpline at
Most sexual abusers — the ones we know about and the
1-800-CHILDREN.
ones we don’t — are fathers, mothers,
step-parents, grandparents, and other family members
(uncles, aunts, cousins). They’re neighbors, babysitters, ministers, teachers, coaches, or anyone else
who has close contact with our children.
We can’t tell who they are by the way they look. What they have in common is that they think
about sex with children and then they act on those thoughts by sexually abusing a child. We know
that child sexual abuse is happening all the time everywhere in the country. That means that adults
and teenagers who have sexually abused a child live in the same neighborhoods, shop in the same
stores, and use the same laundromats we do. We may know them personally as part of our family or
extended family, or in our circle of friends and neighbors. But we may not know about their sexual
activities around kids.
It’s hard to face the fact that someone we know — and even like — might be a sexual abuser. But
because it’s true, we all need to know what to look for and how to protect our families and our chil-
dren.
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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Why Do People Sexually Abuse?
Some people are physically attracted to children.
Behavioral Warning
Some of them never act on their feelings. Abusers
do.
Signs A Child May
Have Been Abused
Some people may have sex with other adults, but
Some of these behavioral signs can show up at
may sexually approach children when they are
other stressful times in a child’s life such as
under a lot of stress, like losing a job or getting a
divorce, the death of a family member, friend or
divorce.
pet, or when there are problems in school, as
well as when abuse is involved. Any one sign
doesn’t mean the child was abused, but several
Some sexual abusers were victims of abuse or
of them mean that you should begin asking
neglect as children. It’s not an excuse, just a fact.
questions. Do you notice some of the following
behaviors in children you know well?
But many victims of sexual abuse live their lives
without ever becoming sexual perpetrators
Nightmares, trouble sleeping, fear
of the dark, or other sleeping problems.
themselves.
Extreme fear of “monsters”.
Some people sexually abuse children so they can
Spacing out at odd times.
feel the power and control they don’t feel in their
relationships with other adults.
Loss of appetite, or trouble eating
or swallowing.
These are just some of the reasons why someone
Sudden mood swings: rage, fear,
may choose to sexually abuse a child. None of
anger, or withdrawal.
these reasons excuse or justify sex between an
Fear of certain people or places
adult and a child. No matter what the reason
(e.g., a child may not want to be left alone
with a baby-sitter, a friend, a relative, or
for the abuse, the effects on children are severe
some other child or adult; or a child who is
and can last a lifetime.
usually talkative and cheery may become
quiet and distant when around a certain
person).
Stomach illness all of the time with
no identifiable reason.
An older child behaving like a younger child,
such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking.
Sexual activities with toys or other children,
such as simulating sex with dolls or asking
other children/siblings to behave sexually.
New words for private body parts.
Refusing to talk about a “secret”
he/she has with an adult or older child.
Talking about a new older friend.
Suddenly having money.
“I turned myself in two and a half
Cutting or burning herself or
himself as an adolescent.
years ago. I pled guilty because I
am a pedophile and I want help to
If you have any questions about these or other
signs and symptoms, please call the Stop It
stop molesting children.”
Now! GEORGIA Toll-Free Helpline at
1-800-CHILDREN.
Words of a man in prison for sexual abuse
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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Can People Who Sexually Abuse Children Stop It?
Yes! In order to stop, people who sexually abuse children must want to change and must be able to
get specialized treatment.9 Adults, adolescents, and children with sexual behavior problems can
change their abusing behavior. They can learn to live healthy, productive lives in which they no
longer harm innocent children.
You’ve probably heard or read the misinformation that all sexual abusers will abuse again. With all
those stories on TV and in the papers, it’s not easy to remember that child molesters with hundreds of
victims are only a few really extreme cases. Many people who sexually abuse children are not like the
abusers you see on TV.
Treatment helps. Many people who abuse will learn to control themselves around children if they are
offered specialized treatment and appropriate community oversight. When people with sexual
behavior problems have the support and “tough
love” of their friends and families, they are more like-
ly to complete their treatment programs and live pro-
Physical Warning
ductive, abuse-free lives.10 Again, when we confront
these behaviors at the earliest stages, especially with
Signs A Child May
children and teens, they are most likely to change and
Have Been Abused
not abuse again.
Does a child close to you have:
Unexplained bruises, redness, or
bleeding of the child’s genitals,
If you know of
anus, or mouth?
a child who is
Pain at the genitals, anus, or mouth?
being sexually
abused, call
Genital sores or milky fluids in the
1-800-CHILDREN
genital area?
for information
on how to report
If you said “yes” to any of these
it or visit us
examples bring your child to a doctor.
on the web at
www.stopitnowga.org
Your doctor can help you understand
what may be happening and test for
sexually transmitted diseases. If you
have any questions about these or other
signs and symptoms, please call the
Stop It Now! Georgia Toll-Free
Helpline at 1-800-CHILDREN.
“Twenty years ago I was a respected member of my community, pub-
lisher of our local paper, and a sexual abuser. Being arrested was
the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. I was
lucky to get treatment ... and it worked. I have now been back in soci-
ety for nearly 10 years and have not abused again. I have been given
a second chance and I will not throw that away.”
Words of a recovering sexual abuser
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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What About Children Who
Sexually Abuse Other Children?
Children and teenagers sexually abuse children, too,
though sometimes it’s hard to tell whether it's abuse
or innocent play. Some sexual activities are normal
for children at certain ages. But there are warning
What Is Healthy Sexual
signs that should send up red flags if you see them
Development In Children?
when children are involved in sexual play. Here are
some things to watch out for:12
Sexual development is a part of every human
regardless of age. Below is just a partial list of
healthy sexual behaviors in children: 13
Size: Is one of the children/teens
involved much larger than the other?
Preschool (0- 5 yrs.)
Common: Sexual language relating to
Age: Is one of the children/teens more
differences in body parts, bathroom talk,
than 3 years older than the other?
pregnancy and birth. Genital self-stimulation at
Status: Does one of the children/teens have more
home and in public. Showing and looking at
power in the relationship — for example, a babysit-
private body parts.
ter, a club leader, the bully on the block?
Uncommon: Discussion of sexual acts. Contact
experiences with other children.
Ability: Does one of the children/teens have greater
mental, emotional, or physical ability than the
School Age (6-12 yrs.)
Common: Questions about menstruation, preg-
other? Is the possible victim disabled or developmen-
nancy, sexual behavior. “Experimenting” with
tally slow?
same-age children, including kissing, fondling,
Power: Is one of the children or a teen using threats,
exhibitionism, and role-playing. Genital self-
bribes, or physical force?
stimulation at home or other private places.
Uncommon: Use of sexual words and
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, the
discussing sexual acts.
sexual activity may be abuse. If you have any questions
Adolescence (13-16 yrs.)
about what you are seeing, or if you need support,
Common: Questions about decision-making,
social relationships, and sexual customs.
please call 1-800-CHILDREN, the toll-free helpline of
Masturbation in private. Experimenting between
Stop It Now! Georgia, a program of Prevent Child
adolescents of the same age, including open-
Abuse Georgia, you can speak
mouth kissing, fondling, and body rubbing. Also,
confidentially with a profes-
30-50% of all
interest in other peer’s bodies. Sexual inter-
sional about your concerns and
course occurs in approximately one third of this
abusers are
age group.
learn what options and local
under the
Uncommon: Sexual interest in much younger
resources are availble to you. By
age of 18.11
children.
calling, you learn how to get
For a more complete list or if you have any
help for all of the children
questions or concerns about the sexual
involved — both the abuser and the abused.
behaviors of a child in your life, please call
the Stop It Now! Georgia Toll-Free
Helpline at 1-800-CHILDREN.
“I made the most difficult decision of my life — I decided to report my
son for sexually abusing another child. But our lives are better in many
ways. He is getting the help he needs to stop.”
Mother of a sexually abusing teen
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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What Can You Do?
We All Need To Speak Up.
What To Watch
When we don’t take the keys from a drunk friend
Out For When Adults
who’s about to drive, we’re risking the friend’s and
other people’s lives on the road. When we don’t ques-
Are With Children
tion sexual behaviors, we’re risking the safety of our
Have you ever seen someone playing with a
children and others the abuser might harm. Abusers
child and felt uncomfortable with it? Maybe you
thought, “I’m just over-reacting,” or, “He/She
count on us to be confused, to keep quiet, and not to call
doesn’t really mean that.” Don’t ignore com-
for help. Adults, all of us, need to talk about sexual
ments or behaviors; Learn how to ask more
abuse and to learn what to do to keep our children safe.
questions about what you have seen. The
checklist below offers some warning signs.
“My brother-in-law Harry was touching his
Do you know an adult or older child who:
eleven-year-old daughter. She was clearly uncom-
Refuses to let a child set any of his or her
fortable with his attention. ‘Don’t worry about it,’
own limits?
I told her. ‘Your dad doesn’t mean anything by it.’
Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tick-
ling, wrestling with or holding a child even
I wish I had told Harry, in front of my niece, ‘I see
when the child does not want this affection?
Janice is uncomfortable. You should stop touching
Is overly interested in the sexuality of a
her like that.’ This would let my niece know that it
particular child or teen (e.g., talks repeatedly
about the child’s developing body or
is okay to say ‘no’ to him. It would let Harry know
interferes with normal teen dating)?
that someone is watching and noticing and not
Manages to get time alone or insists on time
afraid to speak up. I would also ask my niece some
alone with a child with no interruptions?
other gentle and more direct questions in private to
Spends most of his/her spare time with
let her know she has someone to talk with.”
children and has little interest in spending
time with someone their own age?
Aunt of an abused child
Regularly offers to babysit many
different children for free or takes
Most families whose kids were sexually abused wish
children on overnight outings alone?
that they had been able to talk beforehand with their
Buys children expensive gifts or gives them
children about what could happen when adults try
money for no apparent reason?
to get them involved in sex, and about how it could
Frequently walks in on children/teens in the
be prevented. We need to do more than wishing after
bathroom?
the fact. This means getting comfortable using words
Allows children or teens to consistently get
like “penis”, “vagina”, or “penetration” so we can as
away with inappropriate behaviors?
adults feel comfortable with these words and can
If you answered “yes” to some of these questions,
teach our sons and daughters how to talk about it
do not know how to talk about these issues, or
you want further information, please call our
when they are made uncomfortable. When adults
Helpline toll-free at 1-800-CHILDREN
and kids have the right words, it’s easier for them to
(1-800-244-5373). You can call and have a
tell us when they are sexually approached or harmed.
confidential conversation with a professional
Our shyness or embarrassment with each other about
about what you are seeing, learn about local
resources, how to report, and what options are
sexual behaviors also keeps us from talking with
available to you."
adults who may be sexually abusing a child.
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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Develop A Safety Action Plan For Your Family
It is important to teach children about safety. It is just as important to teach ourselves what we
need to know in order to keep our children and communities safe. Here are some things that you
and your family can do to prevent the sexual
abuse of your children. Adults need to:
Take Responsibility
Abusers count on us to be
• Adults must watch for signs of abuse
confused, to keep quiet,
because children, especially young ones, are
and not to call for help.
not able to protect themselves sexually.
• Show in your own life how to say “no.”
Teach your children that their “no” will be respected, whether it’s in playing or tickling or hug-
ging and kissing. If your child does not want to give Grandpa a kiss, let the child shake hands
instead.
• Set and respect family boundaries. All members of the family have rights to privacy in dress-
ing, bathing, sleeping, and other personal activities. If anyone does not respect these rights, an
adult should clearly tell them the family rules.
• Speak up when you see “warn-
ing sign” behaviors. Interrupt
behaviors and talk with the adult
in the situation about what is
making you uncomfortable. They
may need help to stop these behav-
iors.
• Report anything you
know or suspect is sexual abuse.
Without help, the abuse will not
stop.
Learn, Teach, and Practice
• Practice talking with other
adults about the difficult topics,
say the words out loud, so that
you become more comfortable
with using the words, asking ques-
tions, confronting behaviors.
• Practice talking with both the
adults and children in your life
about their difficult issues to get them in the habit of talking with you. Show them that you will
listen to anything they have to say, even if they talk about something embarrassing or something
they’ve done wrong.
© 1998. Stop It Now!
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