COMMUNICATION

COMMUNICATION
Purpose
To teach adults the importance of effective communication. They will gain knowledge and skills
that reinforce the importance of open and honest communication as a family strength that
empowers individuals and families.
Objectives
Participants will:
• acquire knowledge and skills necessary for effective communication.
• learn ways to improve communication with family members and others.
• become aware of good and bad communication techniques.
• learn the importance of effective communication in strengthening families.
Materials Needed
• Copies of Handouts
• Overhead Transparencies (OPTIONAL)
• Overhead Projector (OPTIONAL)
Handouts
This lesson includes a variety of handouts that will enhance communication knowledge
and skills. Pick and choose handouts that are appropriate for the audience.
• A Television Family
• Communicating with “Body Language”
• Communicating with Your Posture and Gestures
• 8 Good Family Communication Practices
• 6 Key Communication Skills
• Active Listening
• “I” Message
• Communication Blockers
• My Plan for “Talking and Listening to My Child”
• Communication at Home Ideas for Parents/Guardians
• Characteristics of Families Who Communicate
• Involve the Whole Family
• Communicating Effectively with Your Spouse
• Communicating with Older Family Members
• Choosing the Best Words with Your Children
• Talking with Your Children about Tough Subjects
• The Four W’s of Talking with Your Child
• Parents/Guardians are You Listening?
• 10 Tips for Improved Communication with Children
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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Advance Preparation
1. Read Background Information for this lesson.
2. Review and choose Handouts for this lesson.
3. Secure necessary materials for the lesson as described.
4. Review and select Overhead Transparencies. (OPTIONAL)
BACKGROUND INFORMATION
Communication is a huge umbrella that covers and affects all that goes on between
human beings. Communication is much more than just the exchange of words. It is what we say,
how we say it, why we say it, when we say it, and what we neglect to say. It is our facial
expressions, our gestures, our posture, and our vocal tones. Communication includes both verbal
and nonverbal language. Words are the basic tools of verbal language. However, nonverbal
language includes posture and body position, facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and
mannerisms and behavior and actions. Communication is the energy that fuels the caring, giving,
sharing, and affirming among family members. Without genuine listening and sharing of
ourselves, we cannot know one another.
One of the characteristics of a strong family is the ability to communicate. A healthy
family responds to feelings as well as to words. Much of communication is nonverbal. This
includes such action as touching, smiling, etc.; doing good things for another; and taking
time/making time for another. The most destructive nonverbal communication is silence. Silence
can mean disinterest, hostility, anger, boredom or extreme pain.
Effective communication patterns require sufficient time to evolve. Spending time
together on a regular basis helps assure this. Strong families have learned to communicate
directly and to use consistent verbal and nonverbal behavior in speaking and listening. Experts
say all families are communicating verbally and non-verbally almost continually, and the quality
of their communicating process is vitally important if they want to live together.
FAMILY COMMUNICATION PRACTICES
According to research, there are 8 Good Family Communication Practices that
strengthens families.
1. Children are able to see good communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal,
modeled in the family.
2. The family controls the use of television - not allowing it to interfere with family
communication time.
3. The family listens and responds to each other.
4. The family recognizes nonverbal messages.
5. The family encourages individual feelings and independent thinking.
6. The family recognizes turn off words and put-down phrases.
7. The family develops a pattern of reconciliation.
8. The family keeps interruptions to a minimum.
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION SKILLS
There
are
6 Key Communication Skills, which family members should develop to
strengthen and improve communication. They are:
•
Listening - demonstrating concern for all aspects of the speaker’s message.
•
Rephrasing - leading to better understanding of the basic message in
fewer words than spoken by the speaker.
•
Probing - using questions or statement to direct the speaker’s attention inward to
examine his or her situation, feelings, thoughts or problems in more depth.
•
Positive Speaking - demonstrating, through words, the positive aspects of the
relationship.
•
Reflection of Feelings - mirroring back the spoken or unspoken feelings of the
person
speaking.
•
Self Disclosure - sharing a part of yourself that has meaning for the relationship.
ACTIVE LISTENING
Perhaps the most important communication skill is listening. Active listening is essential
to effective communication and is vital to hearing and being heard. In active listening, judgement
is suspended and the listener uses empathy to try to understand the speaker’s experience, feelings
and point of view. The six key principles of active listening are to:
1. ENCOURAGE – Draw the other person out.
2. CLARIFY – Ask questions to confirm what the person has said.
3. RESTATE – Repeat in your own words what the person has said.
4. REFLECT - In your own words, tell the person what you think they are experiencing.
5. SUMMARIZE – Reiterate the major ideas, themes, and feelings expressed.
6. VALIDATE – Show appreciation for the person’s efforts to communicate.
“I” MESSAGE
“I” messages allow you to tell people you want them to change their behavior, without
blaming them or putting them down. “I” messages create a positive atmosphere for
communication and problem solving. There are three main parts to an “I” message:
1.
“I FEEL (State the feeling)
2.
WHEN YOU (State the other person’s behavior)



3. I WANT” (State what you want to happen)
COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS
Communication blockers can stop communication dead in its tracks. Learning to avoid
these blockers can clear the path to making your thoughts and feelings understood. Also,
communication blockers tend to come in clusters. Once one is used, the others follow. Some
communication blockers are:
* Interrupting
* Ignoring
* Sarcasm * Insulting/Name-Calling
* Globalizing
* Judging
* Accusing
* Stating Opinion as Fact
* Blaming
* Expecting Mind-Reading
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
OVERVIEW
Strong families communicate easily and well – frequently, openly, clearly, and directly. They do
a good deal of sharing - their feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, joys, sorrows, experiences, growth,
and needs. Strong families believe in open and honest COMMUNICATION. It is important
to understand and value ALL family members involved in the conversation. Here are some age-
appropriate tips for preschool, elementary, middle/junior high, senior high and adults.
PRESCHOOL CHILDREN
Communication with preschool children is critical within the family unit. Of the four language
arts - listening, speaking, reading, and writing, LISTENING is the first to be learned and is used
more than the other three skills combined.
ELEMENTARY CHILDREN
Good listening skills play a crucial role in the learning process of young children. These skills
help children successfully acquire, process, and communicate information. Children in this age
group often pattern their communication habits after those they see modeled in their life.
MIDDLE/JUNIOR HIGH ADOLESCENTS
Young people in this age group are on the threshold of adolescence full of new people and new
situations. So, it is important that they understand that their ability to be understood clearly by
others and understand others in return depends on good communication skills.
SENIOR HIGH TEENS
Teenagers who have good communication skills will be better able to deal with interpersonal
problems and build positive relationships. Verbal and nonverbal communication is used among
teenagers. Therefore, it is critical that attention is given to body language and tone of voice when
communicating.
ADULTS
Adults need to show through modeling how to improve communication skills within the family
and in other relationships. Children can flourish in a family where people are not afraid to show
their feelings and where they know others want to listen. Adults can help by expressing
themselves openly and by listening carefully to others.
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
LESSON HANDOUTS
!
? 8 Good Family Communication Practices
? 6 Key Communication Skills
? Active Listening
? “I” Message
? Communication Blockers
? Communicating with “Body Language”
? Communicating with Your Posture and Gestures
? A Television Family
? My Plan for “Talking and Listening to My Child”
? Communication at Home Ideas for Parents/Guardians
? Characteristics of Families Who Communicate
? Involve the Whole Family
? Communicating Effectively with Your Spouse
? Communicating with Older Family Members
? Choosing the Best Words with Your Children
? Talking with Your Children about Tough Subjects
? The Four W’s of Talking with Your Child
? Parents/Guardians are You Listening?
? 10 Tips for Improved Communication with Children
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
8 GOOD FAMILY COMMUNICATION PRACTICES
? Children are able to see good communication skills, both verbal
and nonverbal, existing between their parents
? The family controls the use of television
? Family members listen and respond to each other
? Individuals recognize nonverbal messages
? The family encourages individual feelings and independent
thinking
? The family recognizes and keeps to a minimum turn off words and
put down phrases
? The family keeps interruptions to a minimum
? The family develops a pattern of reconciliation
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
6 KEY COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Here are some communication skills, which family members should
develop or strengthen to improve their ability to communicate in a
positive manner.
1)
Listening: demonstrating concern for all aspects of the speaker’s
message.
2)
Rephrasing: restating the basic message in fewer words than the
speaker.
3)
Probing: using questions or statements to direct the speaker’s
attention inward to examine his or her situation, feeling, thoughts or
problems in more depth.
4)
Positive Speaking: demonstrating, through words, the positive
aspect of a relationship.
5)
Reflection of Feelings: mirroring back the spoken or unspoken
feelings of the person speaking.
6)
Self - Disclosure: sharing a part of yourself that has meaning for
the relationship. It helps share feelings, thoughts and experiences.
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
ACTIVE LISTENING
Active listening is essential to effective communication. In active listening,
judgement is suspended and the listener uses empathy to try to understand the
speaker’s experience, feelings, and point of view. Practice these principles of
active listening.
? ENCOURAGE
Draw the other person out. Use verbal and nonverbal cues to show that you are
listening.
? CLARIFY
Ask questions to confirm what the speaker has said. Not only will this help you
understand, but it also may help the speaker examine his or her own perceptions.
? RESTATE
Repeat in your words what the speaker has said. This shows you are listening and
helps check for facts and meaning.
? REFLECT
In your own words, tell the speaker what you think he or she is experiencing. This
can lead the speaker to be more expressive. It also provides a way to check the
accuracy of your perceptions.
? SUMMARIZE
Reiterate the major ideals, themes, and feelings the speaker has expressed. This
provides review and a basis from which to continue the dialogue.
? VALIDATE
Show appreciation for the speaker’s effort; acknowledge the value of talking;
affirm your positive feelings about being part of the dialogue.
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
“I” MESSAGE
“I” messages allow you to tell people you want them to change their behavior without
blaming them or putting them down. “I” messages create a positive atmosphere for
communication and problem solving.
There are three main parts to an “I” message:
1.
I FEEL
(State the feeling)
I feel hurt and angry . . .
2.
WHEN YOU
(State the other
When you tell other people something
person’s behavior)
I told you in confidence.
3.
I WANT
(State what you want
I want you to promise that when I tell
to happen)
you something private, you won’t tell.
TIPS
? You don’t always have to use the order shown above. Sometimes you can start with
“When you . . .”
? Sometimes it’s not necessary to use the “I want . . .” part of the message. Just
saying how you feel may be enough.
? You don’t have to use the exact wording of “I feel . . . when you . . . I want,” as
long as you express your feelings clearly without going on the attack.
? A pitfall to avoid: Don’t disguise an accusation or an insult as an “I” message.
? “I” messages do not have to be negative. You can send positive “I” messages.
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS
? Interrupting
Interruption cuts people off before they’re finished speaking and telling their side.
? Ignoring
Ignoring is simply not paying attention or hogging the conversation floor, focusing on one’s own
agenda, and disregarding the other person’s contribution.
? Sarcasm
Sarcasm is a real communication killer and poisons the atmosphere.
? Accusing
Accusations are counter-productive. The accused party usually becomes angry and defensive.
? Insulting/Name-Calling/Threatening
These are aggressive personal attacks that raise hostility and interfere with communication.
? Globalizing
Globalizing is generalizing about a person’s behavior: “You always do this” or “You never do
that.” Global statements are hardly ever accurate, and they make people angry and defensive.
? Judging
Judging is when someone assumes the right to decide if others are right or wrong, good or bad.
? Blaming
Blamers assume that if there’s a problem or conflict, somebody must be to blame. They’re quick
to say, “It wasn’t my fault--it was yours!”
? Stating Opinion As Fact
It can be infuriating to hear someone state an opinion as if it were the absolute truth. It is vital to
allow others to express opinions that contradict one’s own.
? Expecting Mind-Reading
It is easy and common for people to assume that their thoughts and feelings are visible to others.
But we must communicate our thoughts and feelings.
Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion,
national origin, disability, political beliefs, sexual orientation, marital or family status and is an equal opportunity employer.

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Document Outline

• Handouts
  • • • • A Television Family
• BACKGROUND INFORMATION
• FAMILY COMMUNICATION PRACTICES
• COMMUNICATION SKILLS
  • • COMMUNICATION
  • OVERVIEW
    • • • PRESCHOOL CHILDREN
• ELEMENTARY CHILDREN
• MIDDLE/JUNIOR HIGH ADOLESCENTS
• SENIOR HIGH TEENS
• ADULTS
  • • • ( 6 Key Communication Skills
        • • • 8 GOOD FAMILY COMMUNICATION PRACTICES
              • ( Individuals recognize nonverbal messages
    • ACTIVE LISTENING
    • ?I? MESSAGE
      • • • • ( Posture and Gestures (
  • COMMUNICATING WITH ?BODY LANGUAGE?
    • • • • CHOOSING THE BEST WORDS WITH YOUR CHILDREN
            • COMMUNICATION AT HOME
• MAKE THE TIME
  • • • • • • ( A TELEVISION FAMILY (

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