Controversial dating techniques

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A lot of people ask me if being a relationship coach means that I
have perfect, problem-free relationships at all times. Do you want to
know the answer?
Yes. I do always have perfect relationships now, because I use
everything I've learned (that I'm teaching you in this book) to have
control over all of my relationships. I have power over myself and
over the women I date because I have an understanding of how to
create the outcome that best fits the both of us.
The negative side to this is that I don't feel the emotions that my
girlfriends, and someday my wife, get to feel. Instead, it's my duty to
make sure that our relationship doesn't get into trouble while she's
feeling. I don't have to actively try to feel anything because she will
elicit feelings from me. She will help me to feel for her. That's her
job - to balance and compliment my logic with her emotions.
Another question I'm often asked is "If you have perfect
relationships, do you think you'll never be cheated on again?" Again,
the answer is yes. I don't think I'll ever be cheated on again because I
have a system that prevents it.

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never Get Cheated on
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Cheating only happens when someone feels that their partner in a
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relationship isn't supplying something they need. The problem is
that instead of simply asking for it, they seek it out in someone else
because they are afraid to bring it up with their partner. Using a
system of "don'ts" and "why's" you can keep this from happening to
you. The rest of this chapter will reveal to you all the secrets to the
system that will prevent anyone from cheating on you, ever again.
The chief thing you have to understand is that relationships are not
static. They are changing, growing, and improving all the time. If
you don't improve with them, you will be surpassed and outgrown. A
successful relationship follows six rules that we will go over in detail
later in this chapter, the first of which, called reinforcement, is the
idea that both partners must improve each other in a relationship. If
you're getting into a relationship to feel comfortable, you're entering
it with the intention to not grow and not change. A relationship
cannot be based on comfort - it must be based on improvement to
be healthy.
As long as you are together, she must help you to grow and you must
help her to grow, even if that means acknowledging that her growth
cannot continue with you. I know there is nothing worse than feeling
unwanted, but if you can grasp the three major concepts I'm about
to explain to you, you can abolish that feeling for good. I want you
to remember, first, that you have control over your worth. You are
in control of your value and confidence. Get as much information
on this subject as you can; we discussed the topic earlier in this book,
and you can find more about it in the members' area as well.
The next thing you have to accept is that if you get cheated on, it's
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your fault not her fault. A woman cheats because she's not getting
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something from you that she needs, and you lack the awareness to
figure out what it is. You are also too hurt and egomaniacal to let
down your shields in order to tell her that you want her to explain
her needs to you. If you find yourself in this situation, you probably
arrived in it because you entered the relationship with the wrong
intentions. Maybe you wanted a girlfriend as a status symbol, or
perhaps you just wanted to prove to yourself that you could attract
a beautiful woman - whatever the reason was, it definitely wasn't
growth.
The final thing I want you to remember is that you are responsible
for the success or failure of your relationships. No one else. As a
man playing the male gender role, you cannot afford to take a passive
stance on relationships.
You only need to do one thing to keep these three ideas in mind and
make sure that you're never cheated on again: be the best option.
That direction brings up one obvious question: "How the hell do I do
that?!" Clearly, if you are the best option a woman would be crazy to
cheat on you, but to be the best option you have to understand what
women are actually interested in. What makes you a woman's best
option?
There are plenty of ways to achieve this, if you make the effort to
implement them in your relationship and not simply keep them
stored away somewhere in your mind. You might be surprised
to hear that it's actually quite easy to be the best option as long as
your entire life revolves around it. Your life has to be dedicated to
improving what I consider to be the Three Pillars of Badass. They
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are: A) business, because it says a great deal about your ability to be a
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provider, B) things like fitness, martial arts, survival skills, the abilities
of a handyman, and anything else that involves you demonstrating
the ability to protect those around you and will help you to defeat
your insecurities, and C) relationship psychology, or the ability to
attract people into your life.
So how do you improve in each of these areas? The best way that
I found to improve in business is to find mentors who are experts
at what they do. When you find a mentor, you'll be very tempted
to adopt both their positive and their negative qualities, so resist the
urge to take on any bad habits. To help with this, write down all of
the positive qualities that you respect about your new mentor so that
you have a clear idea of what you want to gain from the mentoring
experience. At the end of the day, you should be an amalgamation of
all the positive qualities of all your heroes.
There's nothing you can do to improve on everything in the second
pillar except practice. Get down and dirty. I like to have a plan that
I know will help me reach my goals, so if your goal is to improve
your strength, construct a detailed work out plan that you know will
help you to do so, find a teacher who's knowledgeable about the
subject, and learn as much as you can about the topic so that you
have a better understanding of it. That goes for everything else
we mentioned in the second pillar as well (martial arts, survival and
handyman skills, etc).
You're working on improving the relationship psychology pillar right
now, by reading this book. Half of the battle is studying, like this,
and the other half is applying everything you learn. When I first
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started studying this, I noticed a huge improvement as soon as I
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started applying things I learned in my psychology classes.
Right about now, "being the best option" probably sounds like a
huge, complicated, time-consuming task. Yes, it does take effort,
but no, you can't afford to ignore it. While you're working on that,
however, there are a few simpler tactics you can use to prevent
cheating.
The first technique you can employ is setting the frame early. By that
I mean that you want to let her know, early on, that she would be
crazy to leave you. You usually don't want to say that outright, but
if you do, you have to be able to back it up. The best way to back it
up is with the truth - that every day, you are more attractive than you
were the day before. On any given day, you are more attractive than
you've ever been in your life! How will she ever meet another guy
who's more attractive that?
When you have this conversation, you can be light-hearted but can't
act like it's a joke. You also cannot be arrogant. This isn't about
being funny, and it isn't about your ego - it's simply the truth. If she
doesn't accept this truth, she's not making you feel valuable as a man
and that's a problem that you have to address. Let her know that you
need her support in order to be in a relationship with her.
The last thing you need to keep in mind is this: you can't just tell her
this is the truth. It actually has to be the truth. You must actually
become increasingly attractive with every day that passes. To do that,
keep studying so that you know more each day than you did the day
before. Improve constantly on the Three Pillars of Badass, a little
bit at a time. As long as you do this, it will be completely insane for
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a woman to leave you or cheat on you. It's her loss if she does, not
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yours, because a man like you will have women lined up waiting to
date him. The bottom line is that you have to put in the effort to
make this happen - there's no easy way to do it.
If you ever find yourself suspecting that a woman has cheated on
you, here are the do's and don'ts of handling the situation.
don'ts
* Don't go through her emails, text messages, call history, or anything
else along those lines. You'll look like a psycho, and then she'll have
a real reason to cheat on you! If you have a problem, don't let your
insecurities take over. Deal with your issues like a man, not like a
little boy.
* Don't cheat on her as revenge. You won't hurt her if you do
this - you'll make her feel better about cheating on you because it'll
reinforce the idea that she was right to do it. Break up with her if
you think or know that she's cheating.
* Don't freak out. I know that's a very, very difficult rule to follow,
but please keep yourself grounded. You will be hurt, you will be
emotional, but don't place blame where it doesn't belong. You have
to take responsibility for the outcomes of your relationships and
learn from them.
* Don't be afraid to let her know that you're hurt. It's perfectly all
right to tell her that she's treated you poorly, and that you're hurt
because of it. Acting like a tough guy who doesn't feel emotional
pain won't work because she'll see right through it.
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* Don't be a pushover and forgive her unless major changes are made
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to the relationship. You can't say "It's ok, let's just start over and try
this again." Cheating is not an issue that is easily fixed. You both
have to be willing to put in the effort to completely overhaul the
relationship, and you both have to be interested in learning how to
improve yourselves.
* Don't accept cheating happening twice. If you try to heal your
relationship and she cheats again, the relationship is finished, plain
and simple. Let it go and move on.
Got all that? Good. Let's move on to the things you should do if you
think a woman is cheating on you.
do's
* Do ask her. Ask her point blank, but don't use names or ask if
she's cheated on you with someone specific, and watch her eye
accessing cues when she answers. She'll probably be looking down
regardless of whether she's cheated because you're putting her in an
awkward, uncomfortable situation, but be on the lookout for any
clusters of eye accessing cues that we discussed in the body language
section of this book that may appear.
* Do put your foot down. Don't allow her to talk you out of it, and
don't let yourself fold under pressure. The rule is that there is no
cheating in your relationship, and if she cannot abide by that she
cannot be in a relationship with you. Let her know that if she is
interested in someone else, she should express that to you so that you
can let her go. She can be involved with someone else, but not if it
means cheating on you.
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* Do take some time to let your feelings calm down, but don't leave
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in order to do that. Go through all of this in front of her so that she
can see the emotional process you're experiencing. You cannot ask
if she has cheated while you're angry because your hyper-emotional
state will prevent you from noticing her eye accessing cues and will
provoke an emotional response in her that you might misinterpret as
guilt.
* Do ask why, and do take her seriously. To the very best of your
ability, don't get angry, don't cry, and don't throw a temper tantrum,
because she's about to give you some of the best feedback you'll ever
get. You'll learn what she felt the relationship was lacking, what you
did wrong, and why she felt she couldn't discuss it with you. This will
help you to better understand women's psychology.
I mentioned earlier that there are six rules for a successful long term
relationship - let's go over them now, because they will also help you
improve your understanding of relationship psychology, the third
Pillar of Badass. If you keep these six things in mind, along with the
importance of gender roles, you will be able to build and maintain
long-term attraction.
Number One: Familiarity. Familiarity is the idea that you see someone
in the same context over and over again until you build subconscious
rapport, which is basically a connection formed on the basis that the
other person is not a psycho. You might see someone repeatedly in
the same place, or you might see them doing the same things often,
and because of that you feel a sense of familiarity whenever you see
them. You will feel very comfortable around that person and will
start to form emotional anchors that are related to them.
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Number Two: Propinquity. That probably sounds like a silly word to
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you, but it's a very important idea. Propinquity is social proximity,
or how close someone is to your social circle. If you are in a social
circle, you will usually place a specific role within it. When a group
of humans forms, the unique roles played by every member of the
group tend to combine in a way that ends up fulfilling every aspect of
both gender roles. There will be a leader, there will be a host, there
will be a protector, there will be a provider, and so on.
Now imagine that you approach a social group only to discover that
all its members hate you. You try every trick you know, but nothing
you do seems to make them like you any better. What are the odds
that you can take a girl you're interested in out of this social group?
Pretty damn small. She will not be inclined to abandon her group in
favor of you because the group, by collectively playing every part of
both gender roles, provides everything she needs. It's significantly
more difficult for a single individual to provide everything a group
provides, so it's unlikely that she'll want to risk joining forces with you
and severing ties with her social group.
Make sure this never happens to you by A) knowing how to win
people over (particularly those playing the leader and host roles in a
social group), and B) understanding how to play as many different
male roles as possible while within a group. If you can do those
two things, you will have free reign to date anyone within the social
group because they will not have to leave the group in order to date
you. This is the biggest source of potential dates you're likely to
find, so it's absolutely crucial that you learn how to do this. I used to
infiltrate social circles just to see if this concept is actually true, and I
discovered that it's not only true, it's extremely powerful even when
used entirely on its own, so take it seriously.
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