Corinthian Correspondence as Facebook Feed

Paul joined the group: Pharisees.
Paul added Gamaliel to his Educational Information.
Paul added Stoning Christians to his interests.
Paul attended the event: Stoning of Stephen.
Paul likes this.
Paul is going to Damascus.
Paul removed Stoning Christians from his interests.
Paul added Christ, and Him Crucified to his religious views.
Luke tagged Paul in a note: We taught Paul everything he knows about
Jesus, last weekend in Jerusalem! He’s not an apostle, but he does work
for us!
Paul: I did not go up to Jerusalem!
Paul: And I AM an apostle!
Luke: Ha ha!
Paul is evangelizing in Asia Minor and Greece.
Luke: Newb.
Paul joined the Thessalonica network.
Paul wrote on Thessalonica Christian Church’s wall: I love you guys!
Thessalonica Christian Church: We love you too!
Luke created a group: Thessalonians are Butt-Kissers.
Paul left the Thessalonica network.
Paul joined the Corinth network.
Paul became a fan of Paul’s Very Awesome Leather and Tent Company of
Corinth.
Priscilla and Aquila: Nothing like a little competition!
Paul: Don’t worry, I’m only in it to support my ministry. Have you
heard of Jesus?
Priscilla and Aquila: We LOVE Jesus!
Paul, Aquila, and Priscilla joined the group: Corinthian Leather Workers for Je-
sus!
Paul added a new bumper sticker: I’m a Corinthian Leather Worker, But
My Boss Is A Jewish Carpenter.
Luke: Clever.
Luke tagged Paul in a note: Paul is visiting Corinthian synagogues!
Paul: Am not!
Crispus posted an event: Baptism!
Gaius is attending.
The Household of Stephanus is attending.
Paul, Crispus, Menander, Leander, Gaius, Diogenes, Aquila, Priscilla, and 47 oth-
ers joined the group: Corinthian Christian Church.
Paul: Success!
Paul left the Corinth network.
Paul joined the Ephesus network.
Chloe’s People posted a note: Quarrels in Corinth!
Paul: Dislike.
Chloe’s People: You haven’t heard the half of it.
Paul wishes the Corinthians would have listened a little better.
Gaius belongs to Apollos!
Paul: Dislike.
Crispus belongs to Cephas!
Paul: Very funny.
Priscilla and Aquila belong to Paul!
Paul: OK, cut it out.
The Household of Stephanus: Us too!
Paul: Seriously, what is wrong with you people???
Paul: Don’t make me post a note about factions.
Paul posted a note: 1 Corinthians 1-4: Factions Are Bad.
Silas: Dude, everything OK?
Paul: Just getting started.
Paul: What would you prefer? Am I to come to you with a stick, or
with love in a spirit of gentleness?
Gaius: Wait, which one is this, the stick or the gentleness?
Ampliatus: “I do not know whether I baptized anyone else.” Glad it
was memorable for you too, jerk.
Paul: I’m just being rhetorical.
Menander poked Irene.
Irene likes this.
Crispus: Son? Honey?
Paul posted a note: 1 Corinthians 5-6: Stuff I’ve Heard You’re Doing
Silas: His father’s wife? Dude, that’s messed up.
Paul: You see what I’m saying?
Menander was not aware the father’s wife thing was such a big deal.
Irene likes this.
Crispus: Really?
Irene: : )
Crispus: That’s it, I’m calling a family meeting.
Crispus tagged Menander in a note: Lawsuit.
Paul: What???
Diogenes became a fan of Corinth’s Red Light District.
Paul: Dislike. DISLIKE.
Paul wants to know: Do you not know that your bodies are members of
Christ? Should I therefore take the members of Christ and make them?
members of a prostitute? Never!
Diogenes: And by “never” you mean….
Paul: NEVER.
Diogenes: Tuesdays only?
Paul is exasperated.
Corinthian Christian Church wrote on Paul’s wall: It is well for a man not
to touch a woman.
Corinthian Christian Church: Right?
Diogenes: For the record, it wasn’t unanimous.
Paul wrote on Corinthian Christian Church’s wall: Marry if you have to,
but it’s better not to.
Diogenes: Ain’t that the truth?
Paul: That’s not what I meant.
Corinthian Christian Church wrote on Paul’s wall: What about eating idol
meat if you know the idols aren’t really real?
Paul: WTF?
Corinthian Christian Church: OMG.
Paul: What? It stands for “Where’s the faith?”
Paul wishes the Corinthians could be more like the Thessalonians.
Thessalonica Christian Church likes this.
Luke: See? Butt-Kissers.
Crispus created an event: Church Potluck!
Crispus: What time do you guys want to start?
Xeno: I get off work at 6.
Crispus: Let’s start at 5.
Crispus is drunk.
Xeno is hungry and a little pissed off.
Paul wishes you would eat in your own homes before coming to the com-
munal meal.
Crispus wishes Paul would stay out of it.
Paul posted a note: 1 Corinthians 13: Love.
Irene: Oooh, that’d be great to use at the wedding!
Paul: I think you completely missed the point.
Crispus: Wedding?
Irene: I was going to bring it up at the family meeting.
Paul: As in all the churches of the saints, women should be silent in the
churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be subordi-
nate, as the law also says. If there is anything they desire to know, let

them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to
speak in church. Or did the word of God originate with you? Or are you
the only ones it has reached?
Phoebe: Dislike
Paul: Sorry guys, I think my account got hacked.
Paul posted a note: 1 Corinthians 15: The Resurrection of the Dead Is
Pretty Darn Important.
Diogenes: So when I get resurrected….
Paul: No.
Diogenes: Crap.
Paul supports the collection for the church in Jerusalem. If you support
this collection, repost this as your status message!!!
Paul added Spain to his interests.
Paul added Tarsus, Galatia, Ephesus, Corinth, Jerusalem, and Damascus
to Places I’ve Been.
Apollos added Corinth to Places I’ve Been.
Paul wrote on Corinth Christian Church’s wall: Did you get my previous
post?
Corinthian Christian Church: What previous post?
Paul wonders if anyone else’s posts are disappearing?
Timothy: This is why old people shouldn’t use Facebook.
Paul posted a note: 2 Corinthians 1-9.
Corinthian Christian Church: Awww, we love you too!
Paul: But I love you guys MORE!
Corinthian Christian Church: Ha ha! I don’t even remember that
fight you’re talking about!
Paul is so glad I got things sorted out with the Corinthians. I can’t stay
mad at those guys!
Corinthian Christian Church: Wait, did we have a fight? We’re
confused.
Paul: Such kidders!
Paul posted a note: 2 Corinthians 10-13: Why I’m Barely Speaking To
Corinth Christian Church Right Now.
Corinthian Christian Church: Again?
Paul: Anyone know how to delete posts on here?
Super-Apostles tagged Paul, Weak Bodily Presence, and Contemptible
Speech in a photo.
Paul added Denouncing Super-Apostles to his interests.
Menander created a group: One Million Strong Against Paul’s Hateful
Letter to Corinth.
Crispus, Gaius, Irene, Leander, and 58 others joined this group.
Paul: Guys, there are only like 5,000 Christians in the WORLD.
You aren’t going to make it to a million.
Paul wonders if anyone else’s posts are showing up out of order?
Corinthian Christian Church: Ooooooohhhhhhhhh….
Paul: Yeah, sorry about that!
Timothy: This is why old people shouldn’t use Facebook.
Menander deleted the group: One Million Strong Against Paul’s Hate-
ful Letter to Corinth.
Paul is heading to Jerusalem!
Paul added Rome to Places I’d Like to Visit.
Paul joined the network: Prison.
Paul joined the group: Christians who are out of the closet as Roman citi-
zens!
Paul is heading to Jerusalem!
Paul is finally getting to visit Rome!
Paul added claiming Roman citizenship, shipwrecks, and audiences with
the emperor to his interests.
Paul joined the group: Martyrs.
Paul is offline.

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