Divorce and Relationship Dissolution

Div
Family Focus On...
o
r
ce
Divorce and Relationship

and
Dissolution

Relationship
Issue FF36
IN FOCUS:
What is the Divorce Rate?
The Missing Right to
Same-Sex Divorce
A Complicated Answer
page F2

Dissolution
Divorce and the Well-Being
to a Simple Question
of Adults and Children
page F3
Throughout the 20th century, particu- be affected by specific historical events. For
larly since the 1960s, divorce has
example, in 1946 the number of divorces
Divorce and Dissolution:
become a reality for a large number
spiked dramatically, after which the divorce
Recognizing Reality
of American families. One of the most
rate dropped precipitously. The number of
frequently asked questions of family profes-
divorces during this particular year was the
page F5
sionals is “What is the divorce rate?” This
highest ever recorded up to that point in
question turns out to be more complicated
U.S. history. Social scientists and historians
Stuck in the Muddle with You:
than expected, because there are several
agree that the wartime turmoil for families
A Family Life Educator
ways in which it can be answered. (More
and the resultant upheaval involved in
Looks at Divorce Research
on that later.)
returning soldiers’ reintegration into domes-
tic life introduced extraordinary stressors
page F7
An additional complication is that the federal
into marriages—and consequently produced
government stopped collecting detailed
an unusually high number of post-war
Counsel from an
data on divorce in January, 1996. The gov-
marital breakdowns among couples.
ernment took this step largely to save money.
Experienced Parent Educator:
The National Center for Health Statistics
An alternative way of framing the question—
Discussing Divorce with
continues to publish an annual “divorce
one that provides the information that most
Families and Individuals
rate,” although several states (including
people really want to know when they ask
California) do not participate in data collec-
about the divorce rate—is “What is the over-
page F9
tion or dissemination. Consequently, the
all likelihood of divorce for couples
rate excludes the population of these states.
throughout a lifetime?” This figure is called
Divorce from the Kids’
the “cohort” divorce rate. Calculating this
The “crude divorce rate” is based on the
Point of View: From Damage
figure is more complicated—but it provides
number of divorces that occur in a given
Control to Empowerment
a reliable and easily understood picture of
year divided by the total population of
what is happening.
page F11
participating states x 1000. This figure re-
flects the number of divorces in a given year
Using the cohort approach, family demog-
Adult Children of
for every 1000 people. This statistic rose
raphers look across the U.S. population for
from 2.2 in 1960 to a high of 5.3 in 1981 and
marital disruptions as they occur in separate
Divorce Speak Out
then declined to 3.8 in 2003. These figures
birth cohorts over time. Using a camera
page F13
suggest a 28% decline in the divorce rate
analogy, this allows scientists to develop not
since 1981. The crude divorce rate, how-
just a snapshot but a time-lapsed photo-
Hello and Goodbye
ever, can be distorted by age changes in the
graphic picture in answering this question.
to Divorce Reform
population and by cohort changes in the
This result, which represents a lifetime
timing of marriage and divorce.
probability of divorce for a particular birth
page F15
cohort, is less susceptible to particular
This statistic also captures a “period” effect.
historic events, shifts in the age distribution
Consequently, these year-to-year tallies can
of the population, and cohort changes in the
A Complicated Answer continued on page F2
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Family Focus On...
Divorce and Relationship Dissolution
The Missing Right
to Same-Sex Divorce
by Katherine R. Allen, Ph.D.,Professor, Department of Human Development,
Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (kallen@vt.edu)
When I first began studying lesbian
Katherine R. Allen,
LBGT families challenge the automatic
from having a
and gay families nearly two
homophobic assumption that these fami-
Ph.D.
married spouse
decades ago, I noticed that
lies must be compared to heterosexual
include the right to inherit from a spouse
lesbian mothers were defined according to
single parent or married couple families in
who dies without a will; the right to visit
their current or former marital status to a
order to be legitimate.
one’s spouse in government-run institutions
man. Most lesbians had children in the
Despite the progress LGBT families are
(e.g., prisons, hospitals); the right to social
context of a heterosexual relationship.
making, and the work that family scholars
security survivor’s benefits; immunity from
Lesbian families were compared to families
are doing to inform the public ,the new
having to testify against a spouse in a crimi-
headed by heterosexual couples. Research
intimate landscape, contemporary society is
nal proceeding; the right of residency for a
often addressed the following question:
ill equipped to accommodate these changes.
foreign spouse of a U.S. citizen; the right of
How do lesbian mothers compare to single Diverse families require renovations in the
an employee to include a spouse on health
or married heterosexual mothers? After the
legal, social, and emotional infrastructure
insurance coverage; and the right to reduce
1980s, the “lesbian baby boom” took off.
that families protected by law are allowed
tax liability by filing joint returns.
Lesbians had more opportunities to become
to take for granted.
Yet, marriage is a
pregnant and to raise children with other
LGBT families are
Diverse families require
right historically
lesbians outside the context of heterosexual
politically vulnerable,
renovations in the legal, social,
and symboli-
relationships and marriage. This historic
both externally due to
and emotional infrastructure
cally granted
development changed the nature of family
marginalization and
that families protected
to opposite sex
research as well. The current decade is
lack of legal and
by law are allowed to
partners only. The
characterized by research that places lesbian, social recognition,
take for granted.
Human Rights Campaign
gay, bisexual, and transgender families in the
and internally,
(www.hrc.org) reports that Massa-
center of analysis—without using heterosexu- due to the emotional
chusetts is the only state that issues
ally identified families as the norm.
and social stress of being members of a
marriage licenses to same-sex couples.
New research and testimony reveals that
minority group.
An additional six states have some type of
LGBT individuals are negotiating the societal
Marriage is a symbolic institution in
statewide laws providing spousal rights to
challenges associated with their biological
American society that bestows concrete
unmarried or same sex couples. That is,
and sexual identities. By creatively blend-
legal benefits on a couple. As the Editors
Connecticut and Vermont have civil unions.
ing biological and chosen family ties, they
of the Harvard Law Review (1990) explain,
Hawaii, Maine, and New Jersey provide
are expanding their families with love,
same-sex partners are excluded from
some spousal-like rights to unmarried
pride, and dignity. They are not letting
participation in the more than 1,000 federal
couples. California has domestic partner-
societal or fertility limitations get in their
social, economic, and legal advantages
ships. Although these particular states are
way. The strengths and innovations of
conferred by civil marriage. The benefits
making progress toward legal protection for
LGBT couples and families, gay marriage
per se is not the only or even the main
A COMPLICATED ANSWER continued from page F1
issue that deserves attention.
timing of marriage and divorce. In an August
disruption is about 50%—a figure that has
The right to divorce is another key benefit
2006 article in the Journal of Marriage and
not declined during the last quarter century.
associated with marriage, but it is one that
Family, Robert Schoen and Vladimir
For more information, see Schoen, R. &
often goes unmentioned. The right to
Canudas-Romo calculated cohort rates for
Canudas-Romo, V. (2006). Timing effects
divorce is especially important when there
various birth years and discovered that the
on divorce: 20th century experience in the
are children involved in a parental break-
probability of marriages ending in divorce
United States. Journal of Marriage and
up. Relationships end, and marriage pro-
increased more or less continuously until
Family, 68, 749–758.

vides the opportunity for a legal chaperon
1990 and then stabilized. Their statistical
when partners are unable or unwilling to
model predicts that between 43% and 46%
Editor’s note: Thank you to Paul Amato
manage their separation, dissolution, and
of current marriages will end in divorce. If
and Robert Schoen for their assistance with
post-divorce parenting in a productive
one includes separations that do not end in
this article.
manner. Legal marriage for LGBT partners
divorce, then the current rate of marital
Family Focus December 2007
The Missing Right continued on page F17
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Family Focus On...
Divorce and Relationship Dissolution
Divorce and the Well-Being
of Adults and Children
by Paul R. Amato, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Sociology, The Pennsylvania State University, pxa6@psu.edu
The increase in divorce was one of divorce does not necessarily bring an end example, divorce Paul R. Amato, Ph.D.
the most profound changes in family
to the stress associated with an unhappy
often brings about
life during the 20th century. Near
marriage. Instead, during the time in
an initial decline in people’s social support
the middle of the 19th century, only about
which the marriage is ending, and in the
networks. This decline occurs because
5% of first marriages ended in divorce.
postdivorce period, new circumstances
people lose contact with in-laws, married
These days, in contrast, about half of all
often emerge that have the potential to
couple friends (who usually socialize with
marriages are voluntarily disrupted. The
affect people negatively. For adults, these
other married couples), and neighbors
increase in marital dissolution has had
factors include having sole responsibility
(due to the fact that changing residences is
major implications for the life courses of
for the care of children (among custodial
common following divorce). People vary
adults and children. Nearly one million
parents); difficulty in finding affordable
in their ability to reconstruct social networks
children experience divorce every year, and
child care (among custodial parents);
following divorce, however, including how
about 40% of all children will experience
decreased contact and emotional closeness
quickly they are able to form new friend-
divorce before reaching adulthood. The
with one’s children (among noncustodial
ships and supportive intimate relationships.
high rate of marital disruption, combined
parents); continuing
Another modera-
with an increase in nonmarital births,
conflict with ex-spouses
tor refers to the
means that about half of all children will
over child support,
manner in which
reside at least temporarily in single-parent
visitation, or custody;
people define
households, usually with their mothers.
loss of emotional sup-
divorce, with
port due to a decline in
some individuals
Although we often think of divorce as a
contact with in-laws,
viewing it as a
discrete event, it makes a sense to view
married friends, and
personal tragedy
divorce as a process that begins when
neighbors; downward
(typically the
spouses are still living together and ends
economic mobility
partner who is
long after the legal divorce is concluded.
(especially for mothers);
left behind) and
The uncoupling process usually sets nu-
and other disruptive life
others viewing it
merous events into motion that most adults
events, such as moving
as an opportunity
and children experience as stressful. These
from the family home
for personal
stressors increase the risk of negative
into less expensive
growth or an
emotional, behavioral, and health outcomes
accommodations—
escape from an
for adults and children. Although some
often in poorer neigh-
unhappy marriage
variability exists in the findings of particular
borhoods with fewer
(typically the
studies, most show that divorced adults,
community resources.
partner who
compared with married adults, report an
initiates the
elevated number of psychological distress
Protective resources (or moderators) act
divorce). Indeed, research shows that
symptoms and poorer physical health.
like “shock absorbers” that weaken the
spouses who initiate divorce tend to adjust
Similarly, most studies show that children
links between divorce-related events and
better than do spouses who resist the divorce.
with divorced parents, compared with
people’s experience of stress, and hence,
Given the particular configuration of pro-
children with two continuously married
the extent to which divorce is followed by
tective factors, some adults are resilient
parents, have a higher risk of experiencing
negative emotional, behavioral, and health
and others are vulnerable following divorce,
conduct disorders, emotional problems,
outcomes. With respect to adults, resources
which results in a diversity of outcomes.
social problems, and academic failure.
that lessen the negative impact of divorce
reside within the individual (a strong sense
Another critical factor involves the nature
Adults and Divorce
of self-efficacy, effective problem coping
of the marriage prior to divorce. The pro-
The severity and duration of negative
skills), within interpersonal relationships
cess of divorce can take several paths.
outcomes following divorce varies from
(having strong social support networks),
Some divorces are preceded by a sustained
person to person, depending on a variety
and in structural roles and settings (good
period of chronic conflict, hostility, and
of factors that can be thought of as medi-
jobs, the availability of community services,
violence that can last for years. In these
ating processes and protective resources.
and supportive government policies). For
families, parents and children often show
With respect to mediating processes, legal
Family Focus December 2007
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Family Focus On...
Divorce and Relationship Dissolution
DIVORCE AND WELL-BEING continued from page F3
distress symptoms years before marital
well-being. Several studies show that either a tent predictor of children’s divorce adjust-
separation. Parents and children who have
conflicted relationship with the custodial
ment. Events such as moving and changing
been stuck in discordant, dysfunctional
parent or poor parenting on the part of the
schools appear to be especially disruptive.
families often experience relief when the
custodial parent are linked with a variety
Unfortunately, moving to poorer neighbor-
marriage finally ends and often report
of negative child outcomes. Other studies
hoods is common following divorce when
improvements in well-being.
show that depression among single custo-
custodial mothers are forced to live on
dial mothers, which tends to interfere with
smaller incomes. When this occurs, children
In contrast, some marriages that end in
parenting, is related to poor adjustment
may lose contact with neighborhood friends
divorce are marked by average (rather
among offspring. Nevertheless, some
and often wind up transferring to different
than low) levels of marital quality. These
custodial parents adjust to divorce better
school
s where they are academically out of
adults are moderately happy with their
than others, and when custodial parents
step with their fellow students. In addition,
marriages (but not ecstatic) and exhibit
cope well with adversity and are generally
when mothers (or fathers) form new
little overt conflict. Nevertheless, these
satisfied with their lives, their children also intimate relationships, either with cohabit-
adults tend to have high expectations for
tend to do well.
ing partners or new spouses, the subjective
marriage, and many feel that their mar-
well-being of the parent typically improves.
riages (although tolerable) are not fulfill-
Interparental hostility and lack of coopera- In contrast, many children resent the
ing their deepest needs for intimacy and
tion between parents following divorce is
addition of a new parent figure to the
self-fulfillment. These marriages often
a consistent predictor of poor outcomes
household, and tension between children
end when one or both spouses find new
among offspring. Conflict is especially
and stepparents (whether married or
partners—partners who are perceived as
aversive if it makes children feel that they
cohabiting) is not uncommon.
true soulmates. Despite their optimistic
are “caught in the middle.” This situation
hopes, however, adults who initiate divorce
occurs when parents “bad mouth” the other
What protective resources moderate
under these circumstances often find that
parent in front of their
children’s adjust-
their new relationships are not as fulfilling
children, argue in
Research has consistently
ment to divorce?
as they had expected. Moreover, they often
front of their children,
Some research
demonstrated that children
underestimate how stressful the divorce
or ask their children to
indicates that
and adults who go through
process can be. As a result, these individu-
pass messages (often with
children who
a divorce experience
als often experience declines in subjective
negative content) back and
use active cop-
declines in subjective
well-being following marital dissolution.
forth between parents. In
ing skills (such as
many cases, one parent
well-being and physical
problem solving
Children and Divorce
explicitly attempts to
health, on average.
and gathering social
With respect to children, divorce can
convert the children
support) tend to adjust
result in less effective parenting from the
into allies against the other
to divorce more quickly than do
custodial parent; a decrease in involve-
parent. Because most children want to
children who rely on avoidance or distrac-
ment with the noncustodial parent; expo-
maintain positive ties with both parents,
tion as coping mechanisms. Social support
sure to continuing interparental discord; a
getting caught in the middle can be ex-
from a closely-knit group of friends appears
decline in economic resources; and other
tremely stressful. These children feel that
to be another protective factor. Access to
disruptive life events, such as moving,
if they remain close to one parent, then
therapeutic interventions also can improve
changing schools, the remarriage of one
they are being disloyal to the other parent
children’s postdivorce well-being. For
or both parents, and additional divorces.
and vice versa. Not surprisingly, this situa-
example, school-based support programs
These mediating factors represent the
tion tends to increase the risk of emotional
for children with divorced parents are
mechanisms through which divorce can
and behavioral problems among children.
widespread, and evaluation studies suggest
negatively affect children’s adjustment
And ironically, children who report feeling that these interventions are beneficial. These
and general well-being.
caught in the middle often wind up being
programs not only give children structured
A number of studies indicate that divorced
close to neither parent in later life.
opportunities to share their experiences
custodial parents, compared with married
with a group of children experiencing
Postdivorce economic hardship also is
parents, spend less time with their children,
similar circumstances, but also appear to
associated with negative outcomes among
express less emotional support, have fewer
have an important social support function.
children. Research showing that fathers’
rules, dispense harsher discipline, provide
payment of child support is positively
In addition, children who place some of
less supervision, and engage in more con-
related to children’s school attainment and
the blame for the divorce on themselves
flict with their children. Many of these
behavior provides additional support for the
have an elevated risk of adjustment prob-
parenting problems result from the diffi-
importance of household income in facili-
lems. One study of primary school chil-
culty of solo parenting, and for many
tating children’s postdivorce adjustment.
dren six months after parental separation
mothers, not having enough money to make
found that one-third reported some feel-
ends meet. In fact, the quality of parental
Finally, the number of negative life events
ings of self-blame. Self-blame, in turn, was
functioning following divorce is one of the
to which children are exposed is a consis-
related to a variety of problems, including
best predictors of children’s behavior and
Family Focus December 2007
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Family Focus On...
Divorce and Relationship Dissolution
Divorce and Dissolution:
Recognizing Reality
by Stephanie Coontz, o
c ontzs@msn.com
Does anyone, except for a few New When we take into account the large num- Divorce, then, is
Age self-help tracts lying around
ber of cohabiting couples, who have even
usually a symptom Stephanie Coontz
from the 1970s, actually argue
higher break-up rates, it becomes evident
of prior problems
that the dissolution of a marriage has no
that a lot of relationships are going to
in the behaviors and personal functioning
adverse effects on adults or kids, or that
continue to dissolve, often despite the best
of one or both of the marital partners. These
coping with the aftermath of divorce is not
efforts of all concerned.
preexisting problems and the dynamics
hard? Of course not. Yet that is the view
they set in motion, rather than divorce per
To help individuals and society cope with
that anti-divorce activists still choose to
se, may cause many of the problems that
this reality, we need to move beyond sweep-
polemicize against. In fact, however, the
show up in the children of divorced families.
ing generalizations about the “average”
opposite delusion has far more currency
A Rand working paper published in May
outcome of divorce and conduct more
today: The idea that constantly cataloguing
2007 by Jui-Chung Allen Li found that the
fine-tuned investigations into the full range
and hammering away at the bad outcomes
robust effects of divorce on children’s
of family processes and events that in-
associated with divorce will convince
behavior problems disappeared when he
crease the risks of damage or augment the
unhappily married parents to stay together,
used multiwave panel data to eliminate
resilience of children and adults. Divorce,
protecting their children and producing a
selection biases introduced by such unob-
most researchers now agree, is only one
healthier next generation.
served background factors. He concluded
event in a long process of marital deterio-
that once these factors are taken into
Please don’t misunderstand me: We should
ration and dissolution and family reconsti-
account, the children’s behavior trajecto-
encourage couples to work through their
tution. Many of the outcomes commonly
ries would have been
problems whenever possible. We should
attributed to divorce
essentially the
warn them that transitions are hard on
actually have their
Researchers, clinicians, and
children. We should be clear about the
same whether
roots in other aspects
policymakers must give people
challenges that divorced parents face in
or not the
of that process—aspects
the information they need about
separating households, negotiating custody
parents
that are analytically and in how to minimize the bad effects
issues, and developing an effective parental
actually
practice separable from the effects and maximize the
alliance. But it is neither therapeutically
divorced.
divorce itself. For example, healthy outcomes of
helpful nor analytically sound to use
researchers have discovered
In other cases,
the wide variety of
national averages and broad correlations
that the problems exhib-
problems that are “on
to give individual couples one-size-fits all
difficult choices
ited by children of divorce
average” associated with
lectures about “the” impact of divorce.
in later years can often be they will make
divorce may flow from the way
traced back to a

dysfunctional in their lives.
Divorce is a permanent part of today’s
that the divorce was conducted or
family landscape. The demand for divorce,
marriage, to inept parenting,
from events that occurred in the
I have argued elsewhere, was partly an
or to anti-social personalities in one or
aftermath of the divorce. We know that
inevitable accompaniment of the evolution
both parents. Poverty, parental immaturity
when parental conflict escalates during a
of the love match. The same things that
or disengagement, low maternal educa-
divorce, as it often does in our adversarial
gradually made marriage potentially fairer
tion, rapid income fluctuations, and poor
legal system, children suffer. Similarly, when
and more fulfilling than ever before also
impulse control are all factors that make
the custodial parent is depressed after divorce,
made it more optional, and less bearable
divorce more likely. But each also raises
begins to abuse alcohol, or introduces a
when it didn’t live up to its promise. Accord-
the likelihood of low achievement or
sexually-charged atmosphere into the home
ingly, despite minor ups and downs, divorce
maladjustment in children even if the
as he or she begins to date again, this creates
rates rose consistently from the 1840s to
parents do not divorce. Divorce often
a whole new set of problems for children.
through the 1970s. Divorce has fallen off
decreases a father’s involvement with his
Income loss, residential changes, and school
since its peak at the end of the 1970s. But
children. But as researcher Constance
relocation may be more potent causes of
it is highly unlikely, given historical
Ahrons has pointed out, sometimes a
child maladjustment than the divorce itself.
changes in gender roles, cultural values,
father becomes closer to his children
One recent study found that the increased
and life-course options and the declining
after divorce. And sometimes the lack of
likelihood of delinquent behavior by teens
coercive power of the state, that we will
paternal involvement contributed to the
after a divorce disappeared when researchers
ever again live in a world where more than
divorce in the first place.
controlled for mid-year school relocation.
60 percent of marriages last a lifetime.
Family Focus December 2007
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Family Focus On...
Divorce and Relationship Dissolution
DIVORCE AND DISSOLUTION continued from page F5
To be sure, the likelihood of some behav-
becomes depressed or abuses alcohol may
Some enter a long-term downward spiral.
iors or events that increase children’s risk
not be doing the children any favor. The
But these are a small minority. Judith
increases with divorce. But most of
family histories I collect from my students
Wallerstein writes eloquently about their
them are not inevitable, and parents would
each year are filled with stories about a
pain and their perception that it was their
be better served by an explanation of what
parent who stayed in a marriage “for the
parents’ divorce that caused it all, but most
specific behaviors can hurt their children
sake of the kids,” but was eventually left
studies show far greater variability — and
than by abstract warnings about the dam-
by his or her partner, and then burdened
far less long-term damage — for children
age caused by divorce. As Robert Emory
the children by pouring out stories of
of divorce. Understanding the variables
points out, divorce usually triggers pain,
betrayal and self-sacrifice. Many of the
that account for this diversity in outcomes
but we should not confuse the cause of the
students who tell these stories have come
is critical.
pain with the cause of the problems that
to believe that if their parents had divorced
It is time to move beyond studies that look
some children exhibit after divorce.
earlier, they would not have been exposed
at average outcomes and correlations associ-
to such bitterness.
Paul Amato and others have distinguished
ated with the particular event of divorce.
between the outcomes of divorce for
When low-satisfaction marriages don’t
We need to develop a more fine-grained
children from high-conflict and low-conflict
break up, they may still leave their own set
analysis of the particular interpersonal and
marriages. Amato finds that although
of scars. In detailed interviews with a repre-
social processes, within specific neighbor-
children from high-conflict marriages tend
sentative sample of young adults, Kathleen
hood and family contexts, that are especially
to do better after a divorce, children from
Gerson found that, in retrospect, 40 percent
damaging or especially protective to couple
low-conflict marriages usually do worse.
of the children of intact marriages thought
relationships and to children. In today’s
This is a very important finding, but it is
their families might have been better off
world, people may choose—or simply find
difficult to sort out in advance, rather than
had the parents broken up. Why? Because
themselves thrust into—many different
after the fact, which unhappy marriages
they felt guilty for what the unhappy par-
family paths and types of interpersonal
commitments. They don’t need abstract
are likely to remain low-conflict, and
ent (usually the mother) had sacrificed or
warnings and admonitions. They need
therefore which couples we should advise
gone through on their behalf. These
concrete, detailed information that can
to “stay together for the sake of the kids.”
youths’ assessments may be wrong, but
help them behave responsibly—in or out of
Furthermore, Philip and Carolyn Cowan
they remind us that most hard decisions
marriage. Researchers, clinicians, and
have reported that in marriages that trained
have trade-offs and complicated outcomes.
policymakers must give people the infor-
observers rate as low-conflict but cold or
In most cases we can’t force people to stay
mation they need about how to minimize
contemptuous, the children describe the
together, and we should not try to shame
the bad effects and maximize the healthy
marriage as marked by high c
- onflict.
them into doing so. So we need to expand
outcomes of the wide variety of difficult
Some individuals have enough self-discipline
our research beyond a search for “the”
choices they will make in their lives.
to stay in a low-satisfaction marriage for
consequences of divorce, which, as Amato
Taking a respectful attitude toward people’s
many years without acting cold or con-
has noted, are immensely variable. Some
choices is a win-win situation. We can help
temptuous. But if one partner eventually
children do better after a divorce. Others
people to better understand the parenting
succumbs to the temptation of an extra-
experience temporary problems but re-
practices, relationship skills, and social
marital affair, a low-conflict marriage can
cover. Some do the same as they would
values that give them a better shot at sus-
turn high-conflict overnight, resulting in a
have done had their parents stayed together,
taining healthy relationships. But there are
divorce that is much more adversarial than
but blame their problems on the divorce
no magic bullets in the complex world of
if the couple had agreed to part ways sooner.
rather than on the marriage or a difficult
diverse relationships, playing out in vastly
Similarly, a parent who stays in an unhappy
parent-child relationship, as they would
different contexts. So we must also identify
marriage “for the sake of the kids” but
have done had their parents not divorced.
and teach skills that will, when necessary,
allow people to navigate through painful
family transitions more safely and success-
fully. In the 21st century, the right question
is not “what kind of families do we wish
people would live in?” but “what do we
know about how to help each family build
upon its potential strengths and minimize
its distinctive weaknesses?”

Stephanie Coontz teaches history and family
studies at The Evergreen State College in
Olympia, Washington and serves as Director
of Research and Public Education at the
Council on Contemporary Families,
Family Focus December 2007
www.contemporaryfamilies.org.
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Family Focus On...
Divorce and Relationship Dissolution
STUCK IN THE MUDDLE WITH YOU:
A Family Life Educator
Looks at Divorce Research
by Nancy Gonzalez, Editor, nancy@ncfr.org
Nancy Gonzalez
In this issue of Report, you will read week on divorce, I think I’d get on the next correlation coefficient graphs, the more
articles from some of the most
flight to Buenos Aires. My husband still has
significant the relationship between two
renowned authorities on the subject
relatives there, and I’d bet they’d let me
variables. But throw in a third variable, and
of divorce. I pondered on whether I could
hide-out until the coast was clear. After
I don’t stand a snowball-sample’s chance.
possibly add to the discussion, given this
weeks of earnest study, I’m still not ready.
I stare at the complicated multivariable
impressive line-up of heavy hitters. It oc-
I ran into three problems: math, methodol-
charts the same way my dog would look at
curred to me that the expertise I have is that
ogy and myself.
an Escher puzzle.
of being a typical family life educator. This
past summer, I took a crack at an ambitious
First of all, between research and practice,
I was cyber-sobbing about my plight re-
project. Over the course of several weeks,
we have a language barrier. Divorce is one
cently to a friend from whom I had hoped
I set out to identify, read and understand
of the few events in families that can be
to receive some consolation. He is a full-
the research on divorce in some depth. My
tabulated with some precision, and there-
time quantitative family researcher (and a
goal was to distill a list of findings that
fore it’s the perfect binary on/off variable
part-time wise guy) who sent back the
have almost complete scientific consensus.
for research. This makes for mucho math,
following message of reassurance:
Then I hoped to translate this into a family
meaning that a lot of the
life education presentation that I could
divorce research is written at
share with a hypothetical lay audience.
the Stephen Hawking level.
Statisticians and demogra-
I met with almost total failure. After about
phers—you are my “rock stars.” My admira-
Thanks a lot, pal. It’s so obvious now! Just
a dozen books, a stack of articles, numerous
tion for you borders on idolatry. But I
what I needed: the VIN number of the
websites and six weeks of my spare time,
have to let you in on a well-kept secret. A
Starship Enterprise.
this article is all I have to show for it.
lot of us struggle with the quantitative
With the number-crunching findings, I
As a former practicing family life educator,
have to take the author’s word for it.
I’ve found my way from the Ivory Tower
Mensa doesn’t have a Help Line. Thank-
to the kitchen table many times. Back then,
fully, this problem is solved if the article is
I’d explained Diana Baumrind’s parenting
in an NCFR journal. Although I’ll never
styles enough times that I think I could’ve
understand quantitative methodology, I
done it under anesthesia. Kohlberg, Piaget,
thing. I read your studies, but here’s what
don’t have to. I take great comfort in the
Erikson; I loved telling parents about ages
happens; I begin the abstract committed to
fact that there are peer-reviewers who do.
and stages and their accompanying devel-
giving it the old college try. I usually grasp
opmental tasks. What a joy to see parents
the background, the theoretical models
Given enough squinting, I can wade
relax as I shared the fact that just because
that helped form your question, and the
through most books and articles. The
their baby walked at 13 months—and the
question you will attempt to answer.
challenge then becomes understanding the
neighbors’ baby walked at 10 months—this
subtle nuances of scientific inquiry. Parents
Then I get to the methodology.
doesn’t mean that they’ve just seen the
of teenagers are really good at this. Most
results of an early IQ test. “Temperament”
Popping a couple of Advil, I clutch the
kids don’t like to tell blatant lies to their
was always another topic I could clarify for
pages tightly and squint really hard. It’s
parents—but there’s often a little fudging.
parents and feel halfway competent about
slow-going. I’ve spent enough time lost in
The trick is in asking the right pe