Issue #6

Issue 6, Dec. 18, 2009
NE Ohio's Independent Alternative
CURSED
WHO ANGERED
THE SPORTS
GODs?
Page 6
Mason's
INFO
INSIDE
Cronies Joshua Jesty
Zach
RETURN OF SIMPLE
The article that was too
Robin Stone
drunkdude69
The Independent's
hot for the Plain Dealer!
Page 5
1st Annual Christmas Crash!

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Publisher
Stosh Burgess
stosh@clevelandindependent.com
Editor
James Renner
james@clevelandindependent.com
Marketing Director
Ray Leonardi
ray@clevelandindependent.com
Music Editor
Ashley Heeney
ashley@clevelandindependent.com
Arts Editor
Ruth Koenigsmark
ruth@clevelandindependent.com
Staff Writer
Tim Russo
tim@clevelandindependent.com
Sales Team
Alice Leslie
alice@clevelandindependent.com
Jen White
jen@clevelandindependent.com
Contributors
Mansfield Frazier, Sarah Kotzman,
Alicat, Mark R. Mackert, Chad Zu-
mock, DeVeren Fontenot, Keli
Schimelpfenig, Peanuts, Adam
Harvey, Todd Jakubisin, Alice Les-
lie, Larry Durstin, Lauren Kirk,
Chris Richards, Chad Felton, Jen-
nifer Verrillo, Michael N. Jordan,
Allisun Hovater, Keith Pishnery,
Roger T. Jones, Justin Pascoe,
Mike Polk
The Independent
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Editor’s
From the Editor
Notes
On Editorial Things
By: James Renner
berg believed Mason called them in an ef-

And then there’s the spiked story,
Pat O’Malley). Is this sacrilegious treatment
Fox in the
fort to intimidate them into silence.
the story on Bill Mason that the Plain
of news really nothing more than back-
Synenberg believes his wife, Judge Joan
Dealer was too afraid to even publish. It
scratching? Perish the thought.
Synenberg has since been punished for his
was a continuation of their popular “Payroll
Certainly, Mason himself does not
Hen House speaking out—Mason does go the extra & Politics” series, the one where a front- inspire fear. Case in point: his recent press
Bill Mason is a bully. He’s that guy in high
yard to diss her whenever given the chance.
page of employee mugshots revealed how
conference following the arrest of serial
School who weaseled his way into the pop-

Charu and I were not the only re-
an alarming number of county employees
killer Anthony Sowell, which is available
ular crowd, not because he was the star
porters to face Mason’s wrath.
were connected to the political machine that for view on the web. Given an opportunity
quarterback or because he was ruggedly

Shortly before his re-election last
controls power in these parts. The first two
to shine, Mason comes off as a bumbling
handsome, but because he washed the pop-
year, Plain Dealer reporter Bob Paynter (a
parts focused on employees at the offices of goof reading off a script he didn’t bother to
ular kids’ cars and so was allowed to tag
legend in local journalism circles for his
the Cuyahoga County Recorder and Audi-
proofread. And that slight lisp doesn’t help,
along. At the top, but undeserving, if you
crime writing at the Beacon) wrote a fantas- tor. Part three was supposed to be Mason’s
either.
know what I mean.
tic article that re-
office. But before it

This man is not intimidating. He is

He did not get to where he is
vealed the racial
went to print, it was
uninspired. An emperor with no clothes.
To journalists across NE
today—top lawman in Cuyahoga County,
disparity inherent
spiked.

And somehow, he controls the
leader of the Democratic party—by popular in Mason’s prose- Ohio, it was like witnessing a
A version of that
Main Stream Media in Cleveland, who still
vote. Mason did not win his office. He was
cution of drug of-
story appears in The
flinch at every wave of his wrist: no one has
rape played out in print.
appointed by a political machine made up
fenders. Mason
Independent this
followed up to see if Mason made good on
of precinct committee members, many of
was furious. He
week. It is truncated,
his promise to return campaign contribu-
them associates of Mason, beholden
demanded a meeting with Paynter’s editors. but hopefully gives the reader an idea of
tions “given” to him by his employees; no
through friendships and promises. By the
He got it. They even let Mason write a col-
what they missed.
one has pushed his hand on reforming the
time he came up for election, Prosecutor
umn in their paper in which he blasted their

Why is the Plain Dealer so afraid
racial disparity in his courtrooms; no one
Mason had assembled a bed of patronage at own reporter. To journalists across NE
of this man? Some have suggested Mason
has made him reveal where the computer
the Justice Center and a coalition of rich
Ohio, it was like witnessing a rape played
dangles access to his staff and himself as
servers for his new Justice Matters program
white men to line his campaign war chest
out in print. Paynter was so disillusioned by collateral—write about me, and you’ll never are located (more on that, soon!).
with gold.
the ordeal, he took a buy-out to get the hell
get another interview with a prosecutor in

History will record Bill Mason as

No, this man does not play fair.
out of there.
my county. Certainly, he’s not above this—
an ineffectual blip. He chose not to indict

To understand his true character,

At the same time, Plain Dealer col- he has refused comment and access to
his political buddies, letting the FBI shoul-
you need only to question it.
umnist Regina Brett was also taking Mason
Scene and The Independent after unfavor-
der the heavy-lifting and political fallout, at

Last year, while working on a pro- to task. Shortly after the Paynter debacle,
able coverage. Others suggest these editorial a time when the county was mired in more
file of Bill Mason with former Scene staffer she was asked to pull back on her coverage
decisions were made mostly by Chris
corruption cases than anytime in its history.
Charu Gupta, Mason’s cronies uncovered
of the Cuyahoga County Prosecutor’s of-
Quinn, the Plain Dealer metro editor, a

This man had a chance to lead. In-
two of our sources. Mason called them, per- fice, according to inside sources. “It may
close personal friend of Michael O’Malley
stead, he chose to help the only man who
sonally, in an effort to get them to shut up.
have cost her and the paper a Pulitzer,” says (Mason’s top prosecutor and brother to
really matters in his life: Bill Mason. And
Both Subodh Chandra and Roger Synen-
one reporter.
Mason’s college roommate, convicted perv
your daily paper let him get away with it.
CONTENTS FEEDBACK
To, Sarah Beth [Feedback,
anything that’s not local, so
Nov. 25] following Food
matter how bad the taste or
Fairy’s critique of Americano. service? I would rather follow
Payroll &
Obviously you don’t under-
the reviews of a professional
Cursed----6
stand the duties of a critic,
who is objective, and has
Politics-----5
whether food, music, drama,
more experience, than some
whatever. The critic is not
fanatic blindly following the
being paid to act as salesman
latest fad. I guess I should feel
or PR for local “talent”, but to
sorry for your limited vision/
Bill Mason
act as consumer evaluator for
tastes.
us, the customers. Quit wor-
shipping at altar of false god
Vernon Gregory Sendelbach
“local/local grown”; just be-
Cleveland Heights
Coherent Opposition------14
cause it’s local doesn’t make
it better. Whether it’s a band
Editor’s Note
or a restaurant, I want to be
informed so I can make up
Hey, we’re all friends here.
my own mind if I want to
Besides, the Food Fairy is
spend my time or money with
back in town and less prissy
a mediocre product (which is
this week. Truce?
FOOD--------------------------8
Music Calender--------12
why most people who advo-
cate for local/seasonal/organic
ART----------------------------9
411/330--------------------15
etc bypass Ohio’s grape kool-
MUSIC-----------------------11
What’s So Funny?-----10
aid, oops wine). Are you so
Let him know what you think!
provincial that you don’t try
james@clevelandindependent.com
FILM--------------------------13
Cleveland Steamer---13
3

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The Latest Skinny on
Rust Belt Scoops
Et tu, Caesar?

In August, we reported on Nehst
Studios, at times calling Governor Strick-

This new batch of public records
In the fallout over Aunt Jemima-gate, no
Studios’ strange involvement with the
land on their behalf. We learned, too, that
also reveals more of Fisher’s personal in-
one bothered to report that George Forbes
Cleveland Film Commission and the Ohio
Nehst Studios co-president Ari Friedman
volvement (how much will his connections
uses long-time political “spokesperson”
Department of Development [Nehst of Vul- was a former trader for Madoff’s investment to this company hurt his bid for Senate?) as
Powell Caesar to pen his Call & Post edito-
tures]. Nehst was given free workspace in-
firm.
well as the involvement of Christopher John-
rials. As a “black-conservative” columnist
side the Cleveland Convention Center

After an investigative reporter at
son, VP over at Fifth Third Securities. John-
for the Sun papers, Caesar was known for
earlier this year by mayor Frank Jackson, in the LA Times began digging around, the
son is included on nearly all internal ODOD
his anti-affirmative action stances and
a deal brokered by Film
ODOD sent the Independent a new batch of communication regarding Nehst and at times
Phillip Morris-like characterizations of
appears to be lobbying for
lazy young blacks. Over the years Cae-
the company. Odd that
sar bounced back and forth between be-
Johnson is so involved in a
ing a “journalist” and profiting as a PR
bid to award $300,000 of
mouthpiece for Cuyahoga County, the
taxpayer money to a com-
city of Parma, the Highland Hills police,
pany that does banking
etc. Now he seems to have found his
with his firm.
niche writing anonymous editorials
When asked last week why
trashing a black leader for being an ig-
Grozik was terminated,
norant dupe of the white power struc-
ODOD spokesperson, Kim-
ture. Perfect.
ber Perfect, responded with
And don’t expect any interfer-
this robotic statement:
ence of the Forbes-Caesar show from
“Christina Grozik’s depar-
the C&P’s editor, Connie Harper. She
ture was an unclassified
goes way back with King, having been
neutral removal.” Whatever
his secretary nearly 50 years ago and
that means.
actually having gone to jail in a tax eva-
Perfect’s imperfect expla-
sion case in which, many believe, she
nation for Amir Eylon’s
took the hit for His Hairness.
aversion to putting anything
Based on its current leadership, it’s Commission director Ivan Schwarz. At the
emails it claimed had inadvertently been left into writing reeks of uncontrolled spin: “It is
fairly safe to say that journalistic integrity
same time, they were chasing a $300,000
out of our original request for information.
often more effective to discuss issues in per-
won’t be rearing its head at the Call & Post
grant from Lee Fisher’s ODOD. Though
From these emails, a clearer picture of
son or by phone.” Rrrrrrrright!
anytime soon. When reached by phone,
Nehst had promised to pull in $125 million
Grozik’s dismissal emerges. The more ques-
One bit of good news: the ODOD
Caesar does not deny authorship. "I'm not
in new business, any attempt at brining a
tions she posed to her direct supervisor,
still hasn’t given Nehst a penny.
dealing with this bullshit," he yelled. "That
big-budget feature to the North Coast has
Amir Eylon, the more he asked her to speak
Nina Turner shit is over."
fizzled.
to him in person—a none too subtle attempt Scuttlebutt@clevelandindependent.com
-Larry Durstin

Ohio Film Office director Chris-
to keep much off the public record. At the
tina Grozik began asking serious questions
time she was fired, according to the docu-
LA Times scooping Cleveland news.
about Nehst within the department. As her
ments, Grozik was attempting to learn
The Independent has learned that the LA
questions became more pointed, she was
where the film office money was being
Times is writing an expose on Nehst Stu-
fired.
spent—she could only account for about
dios, the Cleveland-based film company

The Independent also uncovered
$50,000 of their $200,000 budget. In an-
with ties to Al Ratner and imprisoned
emails to Lee Fisher that showed Al Ratner
other email, she claimed she was being ha-
crook Bernie Madoff.
working as a personal lobbyist for Nehst
rassed by Eylon.
SWEET TWEETS: Real status updates
from local peeps.
SteveCadwell…Even now, listening to urban coyotes howling in response to distant emergency vehicle sirens. Ah, gotta love East
Cleveland.
rightohio…a friend suggested a new nickname for Ted Strickland: “Pastor Parkinson’s.” Dude, your friend’s a douchebag.
annweinzimmer…The hubby and I spent 2 hrs waiting in line this w/end to get our dogs pictures taken w/Santa. Because if there’s
anything Santa loves more than crying kids it’s leg-humping dogs!
OhioMoms…It’s the last day to enter to win a HUG! Okay, but only if you’re also OhioMilfs.
danmoulthrop…On Cuyahoga County’s first gov’t exec: What will top the exec’s to-do list? Not getting arrested by the FBI?
KristenKaleal…I have not eaten dinner yet. I have not because the only thing I am hungry for is a caramel frappuccino. That is
NOT dinner, KK! You are the reason I am praying for a zombie Armageddon.
WFNYScott…If Randy Lerner really wants to get Holmgren to stay here, they should do lunch at The Melt. Best idea ever.
JerodMSF…GLBC needs an iPhone app that lets you know where Christmas Ale can be found. They can call it “Jackpot.” Can
we also get a Natty-Ice locator ap called “Jackass?”
YourChronicle…Update: Police have 2 of the four burglary suspects rounded up. They’re still searching back yards in the
Woodland/Parsons/Foster area. Whose backyards? Pay to subscribe!
AdvanceNEO…Akron’s Austen BioInnovation Institute receives $1M fed grant to promote medical research+ development. Med-
Mart DOA. Times of death: now. Call it.
4

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PAYROLL & POLITICS Cuyahoga County Prosecutor
A Political Machine, Financed By Y
** The article the Plain Dealer was too afraid to publish **
B o
y Jam u
es Re !
nner
Bill Mason is as guilty as Pat O’Malley and
a labor leader ended up on his
pulled, in no small part,
a man, charged with protecting the citizens
Frank Russo when it comes to blatant disre-
payroll, that the guy who gave his
by the behind-the-scenes of Cuyahoga County, who can’t be both-
gard for the ethics of public servitude. At
brother, Michael, a job was hired.
machinations of metro
ered to indict his friends before the FBI is
last count, Mason employed 49 Democratic

And, for God’s sake,
editor Chris Quinn,
forced to do his job for him.
Precinct Committee members and Ward
please tell us it was coincidence
close friend to Mason’s

Under his watch, Cuyahoga
Leaders. Others are the sons and daughters
that Mason hired Lisa Stickan,
top prosecutor, Michael
County has fallen to unchecked corruption
of prominent campaign donors or political
daughter of U.S. Attorney Chris-
O’Malley.
on a scale unseen in our country’s history.
legacies.
tian Stickan, during Pat

What we’re left
Why isn’t this man standing up for us?

But Mason’s political patronage is
O’Malley’s trial.
with is a daily paper,
Take a look at his staff. What you see here
all the more glaring for the simple fact that

Unfortunately, these
whose mission is to be a is a small sample of the patronage that
this man is supposed to be the bastion of jus-
days Mason’s political clout
watchdog of govern-
bogs down his office. This is not a team of
tice, the top lawman in Cuyahoga County.
seems to have infected the local
ment, that appears to be
justice-seekers. This is a political machine,
This guy is supposed to uphold the law, not
media, as well. A version of this
compromised by its
fed by your tax dollars, controlled by a
bend it. Not twist it into knots.
article was slated to be published
subject.
man with motives of his own.

He must think we’re stupid.
by the Plain Dealer, but was
Bill Mason
We’re left with

Consider the way
he responded to questions
following his hiring of Jen-
nifer DiGeronimo earlier
this year. DiGeronimo is
the daughter-in-law of Bob
DiGeronimo, co-owner of
Independence Excavating,
who donates thousands of
dollars to Mason’s political
campaigns. Mason said he
didn’t realize they were
related.

If you’re going to
Jack Krise
Anthony Sustarsic
Lisa Stickan
Frankie Goldberg
lie, have the decency to do
A. Steven Dever
Fiscal Affairs Program
Rick Bell
Scanner Operator
Assistant Prosecutor
Assistant Prosecutor
it better. Had it been Jenni-
Chief Trial Counsel
Community Justice
Salary: $30,601
Salary: $56,000
Salary: $80,416
fer Smith, maybe. But Di-
Officer
Salary: $111,765
Chief
Connection: Grandson
Most recent previous
Connection: Demo-
Geronimo? You’re telling
Salary: $46,705
Connection: Demo-
Salary: $104,187
of another Euclid
job: Young Republi-
cratic Central Com-
me that name didn’t ring a
Most recent previous
cratic Central Com-
Connection: Demo-
Mayor
cans leader
mittee Leader,
bell?
job: Parma treasurer
mittee Member
cratic Central Com-
Connection: Daughter
University Heights

Of course, if it
during Ridgewood
(brother is, too).
mittee Leader
of assistant U.S. At-
Councilwoman
was just an isolated inci-
Golf Course money-
dent, we could forgive him.
laundering scandal.
torney, Christian

But Mason takes
Connection: Krise
Stickan; was hired
it to a new level, unseen
hired Mason’s brother,
during Pat O’Malley’s
since his mentor Benny
Michael, as deputy
court battle with U.S.
Bonanno’s days. 49 pre-
Attorney’s office.
treasurer in Parma.
cinct committee members?
New Ward Leader of
Really? And what about
Highland Heights
the more obvious political
paybacks?

Look at Kelli
Perk, wife of Cleveland
judge Ralph Perk. Kelli
Perk filed to run against
Jennifer DiGeronimo
Pat Coyne
Deanna O’Donnell in a
Assistant Prosecutor
Chris Quinn
Human Resources
muni court race in Parma
Salary: $49,000 +
Metro Editor, Plain
Salary: Salary was
Michael O’Malley
back in 2007. O’Donnell
Most recent previous
Dealer
mysteriously not pro-
1st Assistant to Bill
was backed by Mason—
job: Teacher
Salary: Too much.
vided in list of paid
Mason
she had worked for him
Connection: Daugh-
Most recent previous
prosecutor staff.
Salary: $112,200
when he ran the Law De-
ter-in-law of Bob Di-
job: Sports reporter
Side job: Human Re-
Connection: Brother
partment in that enclave of
Geronimo, of
Connection: Close
sources, Coroner’s
to Pat O’Malley, dis-
pink flamingos. Suddenly,
Independent Excavat-
personal friend of Mi- office; Strongsville
graced former Re-
Perk drops out of the race
Anthony Giunta Jr.
ing, who has contrib-
chael O’Malley,
Councilman
corder, convicted
Kelli Perk
and lands a job in Mason’s
Assistant Prosecutor
uted handsomely to
Mason’s top lieuten-
Connection: Demo-
perv, and former
Assistant Prosecutor
office. Weird. Another co-
Salary: $56,884
Mason’s political
ant.
cratic Central Com-
roommate of Bill Ma-
Salary: $66,321
incidence, no doubt.
Connection: Son of
campaigns.
mittee Leader
son.
Connection: Wife of

Surely, it was just
former Euclid Mayor
Muni judge Ralph
happenstance that Mason’s
Perk.
best friend’s brother got a
job as his second-in-com-
mand, that the daughter of

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CURSED
after season of losses.
It’s Not a Curse —
themselves and their previous employer,

The team owners refused to even
the San Francisco 49ers, nearly $1 million
By Mansfield
It’s Al Lerner’s Karma
consider retiring Chief Wahoo because of
in fines for cheating on the salary cap. No
Frazier
the money he brings in and, as they
By: Larry Durstin
matter, Browns backers seemed to love
wrongly reasoned, Native Americans were
It’s fashionable to attribute the misery of
every move their billionaire owner made
powerless to do anything to them. People
all Cleveland sports franchises to some
and have sold out his stadium for a de-
who routinely disrespect others are igno-
sort of mystical curse which has con-
cade.
rant of the fact there is more between
signed the city’s teams and their fans to a

But exactly how did Lerner be-
Heaven and Earth than meets the eye.
miserable existence devoid of champion-
come a billionaire? The answer to that
There are things unseen. And just because
ships and filled with unending heartbreak
question sheds karmic light on why this
those who are blind to injustices can’t see
and angst.
fran-
the reckoning, can’t see the bad karma
And per-
chise
Much to their ultimate shame,
they are creating … it doesn’t mean that
haps on
has
THE CURSE none exists. Chickens do come home to
some level
the fans
wal-
\… the arc of the moral universe is long,
roost.
this mindset
lowed in
hailed the double-dealing
but it bends toward justice.

After all of their supplications
delivers a de-
turmoil for
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
went unheeded the Native Americans had
gree of solace
Lerner as a hero.
the past 10
no choice but to put a curse on Jacobs
for a self-pitying
years. He
I was there for Opening Day at Jacobs
Field. How else can anyone account for the
fandom that seems to find grim solace in
acquired the majority of his vast fortune
Field in 1996 when Native Americans
team once getting within one out of a
shared gloom.
as CEO of credit card company MBNA,
gathered from all across the country in an
World Series victory and blowing it? I’m

But let’s not kid ourselves,
which has been the industry trendsetter in
attempt to convince the owners of the Indi- telling you, it’s The Curse. Their curse.
there’s nothing supernaturally inexplica-
doubling or tripling of customer interest
ans to get rid of the grinning, racist Chief
And the team has gone steadily down hill
ble about the condition the Browns fran-
rates through such practices as shifting
Wahoo. They
ever since.
chise has found itself in since its return in
billing due dates and payment cycles
were simply
What the
1999 and which is being capped off this
monthly — then watching its profits soar
asking for
The Native Americans had owners
season by its descent into a national
to grotesque levels via late fees, balance
Cleveland to
don’t com-
laughingstock. It’s all about karma. And
transfer fees, cash advance fees, over the
quit disrespecting
prehend is
that brings us to the late Al Lerner, owner
limit fees, etc. etc. Sarcastically dubbed
no choice but to put a
an entire nation of
that as long as
of the reincarnated Browns
“Misrepresentation Bank of America,”
people, but, alas, it
Chief Wahoo is

When Art Modell robbed Cleve-
MBNA is widely known for perfecting
curse on Jacobs Field.
just wasn’t to be —
the mascot, win-
land of the Browns in 1995, it was
“Rate-Jacking,” or what has become to be
the racism was (and is) too deeply in-
ning is out of the question.
none other than his pal and
known as “The Great MBNA Interest
grained.

But here’s where it gets real inter-
Browns minority owner Al
Rate Escalator Trick.”

As the Native America families
esting: Curses can be tricky and sometimes
Lerner who essentially
Before his death in late 2002, Al
gathered outside the ballpark, ignorant
hard to control
or contain. Once a
drove the getaway car for
Lerner spent much of his time and
young baseball fans jeered at them as they
curse has
been placed on
Modell by arranging a
millions of dollars lobbying for
streamed inside to watch America’s Pas-
one entity
within a city, it
plane to allow the disin-
what turned out to be The Bank-
time, not caring that part of America’s
might seek
out other injus-
genuous owner to escape
ruptcy Abuse and Consumer Pro-
ugly past was right outside the gates mak-
tices and
wreck the
to Baltimore. (At the time
tection Act, a nasty, morally
ing a legitimate demand.
same
havoc on
Lerner had significant busi-
bankrupt bill that reads like a

Most Cleveland baseball fans re-
other
entities — to
ness interests in Baltimore
credit card company wish list.
main resolute in their posi-
wit, the current
and had already introduced
While putting the screws to the
tion that since they don’t
Browns team is
Modell to a number of his
nearly 1 million individuals who
view Chief Wahoo as be-
among the worse
cronies.)
suffer bankruptcies each year
ing racist, therefore he
in NFL history.

Loyal Browns fans
because of loss of jobs, di-
isn’t … and the Na-

These guys are
quickly screamed that Cleve-
vorce, or serious illness and
tive Americans are
so bad they couldn’t
land be awarded a new
its accompanying medical
just a bunch of
play dead in a gang-
franchise, and the NFL
costs, this bill allows mil-
whiners. They
ster movie. A good
readily complied. Shortly
lionaires to shield an
refuse to com-
friend of mine is sug-
thereafter, taxpayers of
unlimited amount of
prehend that
gesting in print that the
Cuyahoga County were
money in homes and
the deci-
scurrilous way in
hoodwinked into
asset protection
sion on
which the Lerner
coughing up hun-
trusts. It also makes
whether
family made the
dreds of millions of
it more difficult for
some-
money they used to
dollars to build a
small businesses to
thing is
purchase the team
new stadium,
reorganize while
offensive
(gouging people with
which became the
opening new loop-
or not rests
their credit card servic-
luxurious home
holes for the Enrons
exclusively
es) leaves the entire oper-
for the filthy
of the world.
with the parties
ation open to bad ju-ju.
rich Lerner’s

This then is the
being offended,
The Curse has morphed
Browns once
legacy passed on
and no one else.
from the Indians to the
he purchased
from Al Lerner to
It’s the height of ef-
Browns, and the real fear has to
the team in
his clueless son
frontery for those
be that it might morph once again. The
1998, thereby completing the bait and
Randy: a family fortune built on usurious
who are not Native American
Cavs could be next … just look at the
switch that he and Modell had cooked up
interest rates and the ruination of low and
to be so bold as to tell a nation of people
rocky start the team is off to. Before it’s
three years earlier.
middle class individuals reeling from un-
what should or should not offend them.
too late and we lose LeBron, why don’t the

Much to their ultimate shame,
foreseen expenses and a football franchise

As witnessed by the tons of mer-
Indians owners just try this: retire Chief
the fans hailed the double-dealing Lerner
acquired through what Don King would
chandise still being sold with the grinning
Wahoo. And, if the Indians and the other
as a hero and kept cheering when he
call “trickeration.”
visage of that red-faced fool firmly at-
local professional sports franchises all
brought in the ethically-challenged Car-

If, as the Bible says, the sins of
tached, the team owners put short-term
don’t win championships within five years,
men Policy and his partner-in-crime
the father fall upon the son, then it’s a
profit over long-term success. And for that
then bring the racist red man back. It’s
Dwight Clark to run the team, even
wonder the Browns are doing as well as
disrespect they have paid the price: Season
worth a try.
though this duplicitous duo had just cost
they are.

---

CURSED
ship’, so it really strikes a nerve? Here’s a
pizza and beer. So now I get to pretend
that the owner, Dan Gilbert is very com-
piece of advice, buy the hat with the script
that
Randy Moss is on my team. It’s
mitted to winning and doing whatever it
The Broad’s
“I” logo and move on with your life.
like
when a guy realizes that his wife
takes to get the ring. LeBron’s obviously
Side of
Chances are Chief Wahoo will get traded
is
an annoying nag and she’s
a powerhouse and this could be his last
to the Twins in a package deal with Slider
ne
ver going to lose the baby
year. Look at the influence that guy has.
Cleveland
anyways. The last thing I want is to feel
wei
ght since the kid’s ten
He single handedly got Braylon Edwards
Sports
like I’m entering an abortion clinic any-
years
old now. He turns to
traded. In my opinion, Braylon should
time I head out to the ballpark. Someone
porn,
which is the fan-
send a thank you card and a fruit basket
By: Jennifer Verrillo
asked me how I’d feel if the team were
tasy foot-
ball of
for that. All of the Browns players should
named the ‘Cleveland Guidos’, mocking
relation-
ships. You
start picking fights with LeBron’s posse.
Anyone who has spent any amount of
my Italian heritage. Are you kidding me?
get to con-
struct
They’re only a few ‘Yo Mama’ jokes
time in Cleveland is aware of the curse.
I would LOVE that. Shit, they could start
the perfect
team away from a one-way ticket out of here.

Don’t even try to argue the
pitching with meatballs for all I care. The
that’s obvi-
I’m not even going to bust out ‘Maybe
Cleveland Crunch soccer champion-
opposing bullpen could be called ‘Al
ously way better
next year.’
ships… no one cares. I’m not sure I agree
Capone’s Vault’. When the starting
than the one at

When it’s all said and done, we
with the logic behind the curse. Is it bad
pitcher loses steam, they’d open the door
home. If someone
all remember ‘The Shot’, ‘The
luck or just bad decisions? I can’t speak
and there wouldn’t be anything in there.
gets boring, you can
Drive’ and ‘The Fumble’.
for anyone else, but I didn’t really appre-
Dress up the Grounds Crew like little
trade them or cut
We’re constantly reminded of
ciate the MLB Playoff match-up of Cliff
gangsters and have them rake the field to
them with a click of
it by ESPN analysts and
Lee v CC Sabathia. Wouldn’t it be awe-
‘The Hitman’. Every time an opposing
the mouse. Over the
other national media out-
some if the Cleveland Indians were able
player hits a homerun, he gets some brand
years, the Browns have
lets. There were death
to secure such
new cement
made me feel like a bat-
threats against Jose Mesa
top caliber
shoes and a
tered wife of sorts. I keep
after the Tribe lost the 1997
Over the years, the Browns have
pitching tal-
one-way
breaking up with them, but in
World Series to the Marlins
ent? Oh
ticket on
the end I always go back for an-
who were an expansion team.
wait… they
the Jet Ex-
other ass kicking. The only differ-
Damn, we could have carried
made me feel like a battered wife.
both used to
press to
ence is that they never apologize or
through on that
wear Tribe uniforms. Isn’t THAT a bitch!
Put-In-Bay. That my friends would be a
send flowers afterwards.
threat if the Cleve-

The Indians probably aggravate
fun day at the ballpark!

The Cavaliers are probably
land Guidos were
me more than any other Cleveland team

I’m not even sure what to say
this town’s best shot at a champion-
around.
because I’m a huge baseball fan. There’s
about the Browns this year. The only
ship, but to be honest basketball has
not much worse than bad baseball. I’m
Quarterback controversy we have brewing
never been my favorite
one of those losers that can score a game
is who sucks more. If we had a contest
sport. I don’t really
or calculate an ERA in my head, while
based on headshots, clearly Brady Quinn
understand the
most of my female friends think that
takes the prize, but otherwise it’s a dead
draw. It appears
‘ERA’ is laundry detergent. I get pissy if
heat race. He really
someone doesn’t understand which way
needs to stick to
the ‘K’ faces when recording a strike-out,
endorsing de-
and I know the rules of the game inside
odorant and
and out. I’m also pretty irked by the name
energy
change. What used to be Jacobs Field aka
drinks. He
‘The Jake’ is now Progressive Field. By
looks so
definition the word progressive is as fol-
much better
lows: “promoting or favoring progress
sans helmet.
toward better conditions or new policies,
ideas, or methods.” I love sarcasm as
The Browns
much as the next guy… but c’mon!
helped me

Every year a group of jackasses
discover my
pickets Progressive Field before baseball
love of fan-
games because they’re all bent out of
tasy foot-
shape that the team’s named the ‘Indians.’ ball. I
Really? You’re that worked up ‘Chief
needed
Wahoo’? Is there seriously a relative of
something
yours that bears a striking resemblance to
to look for-
the scarlet faced, grinning chief? Let me
ward to on
guess… your Uncle Dave’s Indian name
Sundays
is ‘Crouching Catcher Hidden Champion-
besides the
The Word’s Best Temporary METAL BAR
HULETT
Hours
M-thurs.- 8pm-close
HULETT 1539 w. 117th st Fri-Sun-3pm-close
Open January 2010
Cleveland
7

---

The menu grabs at some global in-
agent for hours? Oy! No, the reality is the
fluences. Nods to Italy, Mexico, Lebanon
lettuce is lightly coated with a quick dress-
FOOD
and the Far East are made. Think the UN of
ing toss. Nice idea, wrong term.
food on uppers. Smoothies and fresh juices

Naya is doing lots of things right.
(all $4) are unexpected items on a menu
The Naya Burger ($11) at lunch had excel-
constructed of more conventional catego-
lent flavor partnered with smoked gouda
ries. Surprisingly, the entire menu is offered
(sic), grilled onion and roasted red pepper.
at both lunch and dinner.
We substituted ubiquitous sweet potato fries
Naya’s executive chef, Lanny Chin, offered

Soups ($5) we’ve sampled include
with on-the-money crunchy garlic chips. A
that it was Phoenician (now there’s a grossly Lentil with Swiss chard and a nice spike of
wonderful Falafel Pita ($10) sandwich was
underappreciated language) for fresh and
lemon broth, a Vegetable soup du jour with
complemented by roasted vegetables,
good. Whatever. Naya . . . it just sounds
a kick that Grandma never conjured and a
sprouts and tahini sauce. The Roasted
cool.
special Alligator/Chorizo soup, hardly re-
Salmon with Olive Tapenade ($24) was per-

This bistro makes its home at the
gional, but delicious and slightly spicey. We
fectly prepared at dinner, though we could
Shoppes at Alpha Place, a new semi-strip at
also tried the Risotto Cakes ($9) appetizer,
find little of the promised pistachios in the
BY: Mark R.
Wilson Mills Road and I-271 where it
two hearty rice patties with a tomato coulis
accompanying risotto and the chef’s daily
shares parking with Panera Bread, Qdoba
and balsamic reduction. FF would have pre-
vegetable mentioned was AWOL from the
Mackert Mexican Grill and Malley’s Chocolate.
ferred smaller cakes and a lighter hand with
plate.
Whoa! No need for 911! The Food Fairy has
Naya’s L-shaped space is sophisticated in
the vinegar punch, just a thought for better

Service here is attentively AC/DC.
not “switched teams” to sample some
feel and palette. Rich browns, earthy reds,
balance and less filling as a starter.
Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Our
strange. Naya is not some sultry siren who
textured neutrals and quiet contemporary art

The Caramel-
dinner server was
seduces with almond-shaped eyes. Nor is
offer a soothing environment. The separa-
ized Fennel Salad ($6)
adept at disappear-
Naya one of those Bollywood brainiacs
tion of the semi-circular bar is purely visual,
with arugula and celery
ing, but our ever-
working tech support for Microsoft. Naya
suggested by a substantial architectural halo
root crème sounded
so-perky waitper-
Bistro & Lounge is an eclec-
floating above.
more interesting than it
son at lunch did
tic eatery in Highland

On our first mid-
tasted. Didn’t get much
everything but of-
Heights. New in the neigh-
The Food Fairy happily week visit, we found
fennel flavor which
fer to cut up our
borhood since October, Naya
the place packed to the
should intensify and
food.
gives a virgin venture a
(pronounced Nye-Yah) is
rafters with diners and
deepen with cara-
The Food Fairy
lot of slack when there’s
offering what FF is calling
drinkers. Wow! Open
melization. Conceptu-
happily gives a vir-
crossover cuisine, a conflu-
strong evidence of exu- only three weeks and
ally, it’s an idea that
gin venture a lot of
ence of fusion and the famil-
already it’s SRO? Ei-
might benefit from
slack when there’s
berant creativity.
iar.
ther this place is doing
some un-refinement.
strong evidence of

The word “naya” pops in several
everything right from the get-go with wild-

In an effort to
interesting ideas
languages with varied definitions. When
fire word-of-mouth or they’re giving booze
appear hip, artisanal and very where-it’s-at,
and exuberant creativity. There’s no lack of
asked, our server explained the multi-na-
away for free. As it turned out we stumbled
Naya’s food gets lost in the language of
either at Naya. What’s needed is time and
tional nature of the word, but thought it was
into their unofficial grand opening which
menu magnification. Some descriptions left
patience to test and mellow.
Lebanese meaning food. Our own research
drew a throng of friends, family and well-
The Food Fairy saying WTF? Case in point,

Try Naya, it’s a very promising
showed it was also Hindi for fresh or green
wishers. They also did a live radio tie-in
the menu lists two sandwiches served with
work in progress and tell ‘em The Food
and Sanskrit for harmony. All laudable con-
promotion just that morning, but it was great “marinated lettuce.” Poor, poor leafy, lovely
Fairy sent you.
cepts for a restaurant. A follow-up call to
to see such support for this new venture.
lettuce submerged in a liquid flavoring
www.nayabistro.com

---

Behind the Mask
of Wall Eye
Christopher L. Richards
Opening its doors for its inaugural exhibi-
find that perfect moniker which would de-
sonal story or explore how he fits in this
is up to the viewer to determine what is be-
tion, Wall Eye Gallery is a fresh catch on
fine their hopes for the gallery. “We even-
universe, he is now expressing the idea of
ing said in his paintings. “People all around
Detroit Shoreway near the Gordon Square
tually voted on ‘Artifex 7,’” Dante
identity through the use of masks. “You can
us are constantly hiding behind some form of
Arts District. Housed in what was formerly
recollects. They didn’t all feel strongly
wear a mask and be transformed into some-
mask. I’m just trying to show this in my
the Bruno Casiano Art Gallery, Wall Eye
about the name and found it difficult to
one else, or some other idea," he says.
work... There is always a mask between us
entered the world though the vision of five
communicate to people. “People kept say-
Masks can be found in the rituals and cus-
and our true identity.”
artists and two art aficionados. Each had the
ing ‘Artifacts’ and not ‘Artifects.’” Wall
toms of every culture in the world.

Dante is currently preparing new
vision to own and operate a gallery, but the
Eye kept popping up as the second choice

Dante also sees masks as being able
works for the next exhibit at Wall Eye. Festi-
opportunity never arose until an email came
and within a few days became the galleries
to protect a person’s identity and yet be
vus will be a three-day only cash and carry
through from Casiano that the building was
official title.
more revealing at the same time. He finds a
show. It celebrates all the holidays in De-
available for lease.

Of his own work, Dante explains
psychological draw to investigate what lies
cember, featuring art, crafts, jewelry and mu-

This is a tight knit group of artists,
that he’s been working in a smaller scale to
beneath the veil. What is it people have to
sic. Wall Eye will continue with its mission
and it doesn’t hurt that many of them are
allow for more experimentation in mixed
hide?
to support and exhibit local and emerging
family. Linda and Joe Ayala are brother and
media paintings. “Seeing my wife’s col-

“He sometimes refers to “political
artists. So if you are looking for that last
sister. Joe is married to Stephanie, Linda to
lages inspired me to do this kind of work.”
masks,"” or the roles and categories govern- minute gift, the works in the Festivus exhibit
Dante Rodriguez. Stephanie Lipscomb and
Using beeswax as a finish and an adhesive,
ments put people into like race or ethnic
will be priced at $100 and under. Opening
her husband Garrick, members of Artisan's
Dante builds layers of paint and images on
backgrounds. These categories are used to
reception is Friday, December 18th from 6
Alliance in Tremont, are also involved, as is
his canvases. “When you melt this stuff, the gather information about people, but fall
p.m. to 11. The gallery will also be open Sat-
Steve Warner. “We all want to be part of the fragrance it gives off is so awesome. I think
short when saying anything about an indi-
urday the 19th from noon until 6 and Sunday
Cleveland art scene, which I feel is consis-
I’ll keep working with beeswax not only for vidual person. “They are superficial generic
the 20th from noon until 5.
tently growing and evolving,” says Dante of
the sensual quality it gives my paintings,
masks that aid society to organize people
Wall Eye Gallery
the venture to open the gallery.
but that damn smell is so addictive.”
into neat little data files.”
5304 Detroit Ave.

Naming the gallery was the most

With the experiments in technique,

In his work, Dante uses masks to
Cleveland, OH 44102
difficult part of the process. They each came Dante is also exploring new ideas. Usually
conceal the individuals but is sure to leave a
For more information visit
up with lists of names and voted on them to
focusing on self-portraits to show a per-
little bit of humanity showing. Ultimately, it www.walleyegallery.com
ART PICKS ART PICKS

Professional
the highest
Sippin’ Into
December 18
The Pop Shop
auctioneer, John Ber-
bids of the
First Friday Holiday Gift
Gallery/(art)ificial Gallery,
goine auctioned more
evening.
Show
Philanthropy
6-10pm. Gallery will showcase
than 25 pieces of orig-
Glasses arriv-
Tower City, 10 a.m.- 4 p.m.
about 200 pieces by local art-
By: Ruthie Koenigsmark
inal work from re-
ing from the
December 19
ists at $50 each.
nowned local,
farthest dis-
Cleveland Handmade Last
17020 Madison Ave. Lake-
On Saturday, December 5, at a
regional and national
tance came
Minute Market
wood . 216.227.8440.
packed Local Girl Gallery in Lake-
talent. Some high-
from New
Lake Erie Screw Factory
www.popshopgallery.com
wood, The Independent was one of a lights for the evening
Hope, Minne-
13000 Athens Ave.Lakewood, Through January 15
host of sponsors for the Third Annual included the
sota.
Ohio 44107
Co-Existing and Co-Laborat-
Sip Into the Holidays Benefit.
evening’s funkiest: a

This
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
ing
Friends of the
set of Buddha
year’s event
www.clevelandhandmade.com Spaces Art Gallery(2220 Supe-
Lakewood
glasses produced by Cleve-
raised about $1,300. The evening
December 19 & 23
rior Viaduct)
Commission on
land favorite, Michael Heas- began with socializing over cock-
Square Records (824 W. Mar- Aurora Picture Show presents
Aging and Art-
ley; most like a cool car:
tails, refreshments, and seasonal mu-
ket St., Akron, Ohio 44303,
an exhibition depicting the
ist Advocacy
greaser, 50’s style pin strip- sic by The Peddlers of Mirth.
330-375-9244) on Saturday,
lives of artists who both live
group Artwood,
ping by Mike Jasek; biggest
For more information and to
December 19, between 2-5
and work together to create
AKA: Lake-
disappointment: a floral set
make a donation to the Lakewood
pm, Northeast Ohio author Jo- film and video art. This exhibi-
wood is Art,
produced by
Commission
anna Wilson will be making an tion seeks to present multiple
organized the
founder and
on Aging,
in-store appearance for a book points of working and thinking
event. The pur-
president of
please visit
signing of her book”Christmas with collaborative practice to-
pose of this
the Interna-
the website
TV Companion: A Guide to
day. www.spacesgallery.org
yearly benefit
tional
www.artwoo
Cult Classics, Strange Specials Through January 29
is to raise funds
Women’s
dohio.org.
and Outrageous Oddities”.
Holiday Exhibition & Sale
and awareness
Democracy
Local Girl
Wilson will also be at Skullz
Bonfoey Gallery, 1710 Euclid
for the many
Center, Bar-
and LIA-
Salon, 125 S. Water St., Kent
avenue cleveland ohio 44115.
programs the
bara Anne
Artwood’s
OH 44240, 330-676-9663 on
A selection of traditional fa-
Lakewood Di-
Ferris was
next fund-
Wednesday, December 23,
vorites from beloved and trea-
vision of Aging
broken be-
raiser is Sat-
from 5-8 pm.
sured artists, like Viktor
provides senior citizens in the com-
fore the event began;
urday,
http://christmastvcompanion.
Schreckengost, and new works
munity. The draw is having the op-
and the crown for
February 20,
com
by some of the region’s finest
portunity for the winning bid of
most popular surely
for a Mardi
January 9
contemporary artists in our
one-of-kind cocktail glasses sure to
went to Virginia Munroe- Sonntac’s
Gras inspired event to benefit Family
The 50 Dollar Show
lower gallery.216.621.0178 /
be the talk of your holiday party.
Women of Fashion which received
Haven.
gallery@bonfoey.com

---

gins At 10:30 PM
10:30 LATE SHOW BALL DROP (Finally!)
What's So Funny, Cleveland?
DINNER, SHOW, AND MIDNIGHT BUF- PACKAGE INCLUDES:- One admission to
FET PACKAGE$100.00 Per Couple or
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- VIP Pass, good for two future comp tix
By Chad Zumock
SHOW AND MIDNIGHT BUFFET
- Party favors
PACKAGE$79.00 Per Couple or $40.00
- Appetizer plate
Welcome to the holiday edition of
more hysterical than an old hippie coming
Per Person
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“What’s so Funny, Cleveland?”
to grips with everyday situations. He is con- SPECIAL RAFFLES AT BOTH THE
- Admission to Howl at the Moon
sidered one of the top comedians currently
EARLY AND LATE SHOWS!
216-696-
In this week’s column we talk about what
working the club circuit.
In the
Smith Centre - 1757 State
IMPROV(4677)www.clevelandimprov.com
shows to catch during the holidays and ask
New Year’s Eve - Early Show
Road - Cuyahoga Falls, OH
Ryan Dalton four asinine questions. Let’s
Dinner Seating At 5 PM - Show Seating At
330-923-4700 Reserva- Dec. 29 Brothers Lounge
get started!
6 PM - Early Show Begins At 7 PM
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Dec. 31 The Cleveland Im-
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get through it!
SHOW PACKAGE WITH
prov
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nan O’Brien, NYPD Blue, and The Tuesday Dec. 29th- Doors open at 8pm-
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New Year’s Eve - Late
X-Files. Guy Torry has what it
show is at 9:00pm
Charlie Weiner
Show
takes to make an audience hurt from laugh-
Brothers Lounge11609 Detroit
Charlie Weiner has proven over
Dinner Seating At 8:45 PM - Show
ter. If you’ve never seen him live
Ave.Cleveland, Ohio 44102-2342
and over again that there is nothing
Seating At 10:15 PM - Late Show Be-
then…well, you’re dead to me.6pm
&7:30pm &10:30pm
4 Questions..... you live close to a comedy club, start hang-
ing out there. You get to watch profession-
als work. If you hang our long enough, a
manager might need you to get up and fill
w/ Ryan Dalton some time. One of the biggest reasons that
stand up attracted me from the get go was,
there is no right or wrong ways to do it.
Ryan Dalton is one of the most popular come- tract renegotiation time when this all went
There are no rules. Just opinions. Take
dians in Cleveland. He has opened for every-
down. I am sad that they are off the air. I’m
heart in this simple fact: the thing that uni-
one from Frank Caliendo to Brian Reagan.
going to miss doing shows with them. There
fies comedians from the rich and famous to
The Kent State University grad’s credits in-
are a lot of fans of that show, and I know that the unheard of (me), is that no comic has
clude: Comedy
Our comedy scene those fans are looking ever been amazing their first time on stage.
December 15-19
Central’s “Live at
forward to them get-
It’s impossible. They all sucked for at least
Bil Benden w/ Bill Russ
Gotham,” The Bob &
should be what
ting back on the
that one beginning moment. Plus all come-
Tom Show on WGN,
dians out there have bombed hard. There is
Seattle was to grunge. air... hopefully in
and a frequent con-
Cleveland.
no escaping bombing. It’s a huge part of
December 19
tributor and fill-in co-host to the now can-
the learning process. Sink or swim.
Michael Mirth-Special, Holiday
celled “Maxwell Show.” I had a chance to
3. You’ve been on Comedy Central, man.
Season, Kids Magic ShowSpecial,
interview Dalton in the Green Room at The
Any advice you might give to anyone just
4. What’s up for Ryan Dalton in 2010?
Advanced Ticket Price - $7.00
Cleveland Improv.
getting started?
Each
Dalton: I am trying to get accepted for a
1. You have been apart of the Cleveland com- Dalton: The best advice I can give to anyone
Comedy Central special in the coming
December 21-23, and 26
edy scene for a long time. Why the hell are
starting out is “just do it.” Get on stage at lo-
year. I submitted last year and just missed
Mike ConleyW/Jason Banks
you still here?
cal coffee shop/bar open mics. Sign up for a
the cut. Rejection is a huge part of this
comedy workshop at a local comedy club. If
business so I am saddling up and trying
Dalton: When I started in comedy, the only
again. Dalton
December 31
place you could get on stage was the old Hi-
I’ve had to write a lot of new ma-
Charlie Weiner
larities in Cuyahoga Falls. I had to start a
terial and that means a whole lot
New Year's Eve Special
comedy night at a bar in Kent just to get extra
of bombing in front of people,
stage time. Now the clubs hire local talent,
until I get the jokes right. Good
Event
there are “workout” rooms to try out new ma-
times. I am also putting together a
(check website for info)
terial, and a good supply of talented comedi-
submission tape for the “late
ans. Even though it’s in its beginning phase, it
night"” talk show circuit. There is
January 5-9
was especially nice to see a Cleveland Com-
about 431 talk shows on these
Nathan Timmel w/ Jason Thomp-
edy Festival. As far as a location goes, Cleve-
days, so I figure that I have a
son
land is a city that constantly gets goofed on.
good shot at it. Outside of that, I
But one of the biggest ingredients that makes
plan on hunting down the inven-
up a comedian is self deprecation. You cannot
tor of the Snuggie and choking
January 12-16
possibly be anything LESS than self deprecat-
him to death with his millions of
Janet Williams - "The Tennessee
ing if you come from Cleveland. It’s in our
dollars in profits.
Tramp"
blood! Our comedy scene should be what Se-
Check out Ryan on Twitter at -
attle was to grunge.
/ryandalton
January 18
That’s about it everyone. Enjoy
"A Toast To Mike Veneman"One
2. You were a contributor and fill-in co-host
your holidays and be sure to drink
Evening Only! Special Monday
for the now cancelled “Maxwell Show.” What
so much Xmas Ale that you will
the eff happened over there?
throw-up a reef! Chad Zumock is
Salute To This Comedy Legend!
a Cleveland comic that has ap-
Datlon: I wish I knew. One week they are the
peared on Spike TV, E! Network,
1757 State Road
#1 afternoon drive show on the air, the next
was an extra on the TV show
week they are off the air. I have no idea what
“Entourage” and played the butler
Cuyahoga Falls, OH
has recently transpired. I have tried to get in
on Small Wonder.
330-923-4700
touch with Stansbury and Maxwell but had no
Check him out at
luck. I can only speculate that it could be a
www.chadzumock.com or on
funnystop.com
money issue. I know that it was around con-
twitter- chadzumock

---