James May

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Chapter One
So there he was, he rolled up to my house in an Aston Martin Vantage which goes 0 TO 60 IN 4
SECONDS! The man who got out of car had wavy long silver hair down to his shoulders, that was
being blown by the faint breeze from the V8 ENGINE THAT CAN DO 190 MILES AN HOUR!!!
He walked to my door and pressed the bell; I opened it and asked in a seductive tone "how can
I help you". He glanced back at me and said his name was James May and he has come to fix the
fridge. As my fridge wasn't broken I knew why he was real y here... TO LOOK AT MY TITS!!!
PFFFFWWWWOOOORRRRR. As he went back to his car to fetch his tools my fridge
SUDDENLY EXPLODED BECAUSE TERRORISTS PUT A BOMB IN MY LEFTOVER
CASSEROL!!!
then james may came back and said "right before i can fix your fridge i have to inspect your
gadget" but i knew that wasn't true as the gadget inspector came round last week. i
remembered because he accidental y dropped a flump in there and when i told him to remove
it he said it wasn't his department. so i asked him why he had to inspect my gadget and he said
"beep boop". HMMMMM i thought, that doesn't sound like the type of thing james may would
say. this aroused my suspicions so i pulled off his head-IT WAS FULL OF CUSTARD! *dun dun
dunnnnn* i knew i had to get to the bottom of this mystery so i travelled to france in my
ROCKET-POWERED LAWNMOWER WITH BUILT IN SHIT BAZOOKA, AT OVER 200
MILES AN HOUR. when i got there there was a MASSIVE EXPLOSION PHWOARRR and out
jumped the terrorists who put the bomb in my casserole! thinking quickly i pulled he-man's sword
out of my arse and said GO GO GADGET REALLY LONG ARMS and i reached around the
world but i missed and slapped barack obama in the face. "who's been slapping my president face"
he said, before launching ALL THE NUCLEAR MISSILES IN THE WORLD, WHICH LANDED
ON RICHARD HAMMOND. richard was in the middle of his breakfast, when suddenly he
EXPLODED EVERYWHERE. "just look what you've done to your breakfast" said his wife, who
had MASSIVE TITS. "well it didn't blow up the terrorists but that's close enough" i thought, so
i went home in a LAMBORGHINI WITH A BUILT IN MACHINE GUN THAT FIRED TITS.
THE END... OR IS IT? PHWOARRRR.
END!!!

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