O-kane no Yuugi
(Money: The Play)
by Shinji Shindou (his dumb idea)
translated by James K Potsmoker
(c)2005 Bedlam Production Company.
- Money: The Play - Page 2
Copyright (c)2005 Bedlam Production Company. All rights reserved.
Created in Japan on 2005 4 1 (2005 April 1). Finished 2005 8 1 (2005 August 1).
Translated into English by James K Potsmoker.
To skip all the commentary about the obscure references I put
in, please start reading on page 13.
CHARACTERS/ (Note: all names are writen given name rst, as they were
writen in the original manuscript, and have the Japanese characters neet to them writen
family name rst.)
HIROSHI HANAMURA () [ofen refers to himself as Hiroshi Hoitoisao (
)] - 20 years old, though he appears to be 16. He's been ghting the Monetarian
Church for a long time, and he had been going out with Keiri Miyasaka () for a long
time, but she got drunk at Spring Break and got married to someone in Cancun. He's half
British, half Japanese, and his hobbies include breaking the fourth wall and stopping the
spread of Monetarianism while at the same time making fun of how gay Rene is.
GINTA KON () [his name, by the way, has "money" and "silver" in it] - 25 years old,
leader of the Monetarian Church afer we decided to stop using Reggie hite to poke fun at
the Monetarians of the world. He's devoted his life to the money and the ful lment of his
inalienable rights - that among these are greed, lueury and the pursuit of wealth. Note: for his
more "passionate" speeches where he's talking like a Baptist minister, he should deliver the
lines in a Robin illiams sort of way.
XR-33 - A perverted cyborg who takes on the appearance of an 18-year-old boy. He wants see
from every girl on the planet - all at the same time, if possible. He has a rather strange glitch
in his programming: whenever cofee somehow comes in contact with any part of his body
other than his mouth, he confuses men and women for 3 minutes and then becomes biseeual
for 1 minute and 30 seconds. During the time he's not biseeual, he enjoys ripping of the
clothes of people who he perceives as women.
RENE DERRIERE - 21 years old, a gay Frenchman. He does all the things that stereotypical
gay people do, and he over-eeaggerates all of the stereotypes. He's basically the gay, human
equivalent of XR-33, eecept that he NEVER likes members of the opposite see. He got arrested
for molestation when he ran a travel agency scam in an atempt to fondle men.
PRISS TEACHER - 28 years old, a teacher. She looks quite atractive but because she has
short hair and a bust size of C or lower Ginta automatically assumes that she is a butchy
lesbian, even though that is not the case. She stresses out very easily and keeps a stash of
booze under her desk for afer class.
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BOTAN HANADA () - 21 years old, a college student. Simply put, she is hot and has
a nice body that all the guys (and some of the girls) want. Of course, she isn't eeactly what
you'd call "easy," and she prefers to make her men work for her afection instead of just
giving it to them right away.
ADZUMI KANAI () - 24 years old, a very atractive pop idol. Her career had been
very strong in the time between SEXism ended and Money began, but unfortunately, she hit
her peak about two days before the start of the play, and her popularity is on a gradual
decline, and she knows it. However, she still refuses to become a sellout (though she still does
seey commercials for Kaichou cofee), though she has a strange tendency to wear used
panties that she bought out of a vending machine.
UTSUKI NAKANO () - 16 years old before transformation, 20 years old afer, a
magical girl. She has a VERY short temper and will not hesitate to rip her clothes to shreds,
put on a far more revealing out t (all while her enemy just stands there doing nothing) and
become Soldier Andromeda, defender of the defenceless, source of much of the fanservice this
play has and, above all, hater of people like Ali Baba Molester. Basically, she's a huge, obvious
rip-of of Sailor Moon, though her transformation sequence was made far more ecchi to both
increase male viewership and to avoid copyright infringement laws. Her uniform is also far
ALI BABA MOLESTER - 28 years old, a letcher and former TV star. He's basically the typical
"dirty old man" though he isn't eeactly "old;" he tries to hit on and molest underage girls
(and sometimes boys as well). He had a hit show during the peak of Adzumi Kanai's
popularity, but he was caught masturbating in front of litle kids during a stage performance,
so he was arrested for that, and his popularity dropped. However, he refuses to believe that
nobody takes him seriously as a celebrity anymore, and he thinks that his star power gives
him the indisputable right to do whatever he wants without having to face the consequences.
The pronunciation of his name at birth was "mole-ster," but everyone, including him,
pronounces it "mo-lest-er" due to the spelling of his name.
JESSIE SMITH - 22 years old, a police ofcer. She didn't really care too much for her work
at rst, as she found all forms of work incredibly boring, but when her boss threatened to
withhold pay from her, she changed that really fast. She does have an eetremely nice body,
though, and she faunts it by wearing a revealing police uniform with lots of cleavage and an
eetremely short skirt that barely covers what it needs to cover.
JOEY HOTHEHELLCARES - 23 years old, a police ofcer. Simply put, this guy is dumb.
He easily gets suckered into traps, he accepts bribes lef and right (thinking it's legal to do so)
and he has a reputation for blowing his cover when working undercover. Still, because he's
male, his inspector favours him over Jessie.
AUDIENCE MEMBER - A fake theatre-goer who sits in the 12th row and whose only purpose
(eecept during the nal act) seems to be to annoy the actors on stage.
KING AND QUEEN - Both are between 30 and 50. They seem to be Joey's "atack dogs," so
to speak, and like to fush prisoners down the toilet, having absolutely no idea that their
- Money: The Play - Page 4
toilet of choice leads directly to Ginta Kon's ofce.
LARRY DOPESPOT - 18 years old, a thug. He's a caricature of prety much every rap star in
eeistence. He likes wearing a lot of "bling bling" and threatening people with guns, though
because he knows the police and the judge are racist, he doesn't put bullets in his gun.
SHINJI SHINDOU () - 20 years old, a college student/writer. He's eetremely
handsome and knows it, and his sense of humour can be summed up in one word: insane. His
vocal infections sound somewhat intellectual, though he isn't really the intellectual type.
He's also the writer of this play. Girls swoon when he passes by them. Oh, and did I mention
that he wrote this play? He's also a huge anime fan, hence all the references to it. Also, he
enjoys shouting phrases in foreign languages, but that won't really come into play too much
during Money: The Play.
KERMIT THE FAG - 23 years old, a college graduate. He acts about about as gay as a person
can act, and he tries to try to "out-gay" Rene Derriere at every available opportunity, right
down to almost always wearing girls' clothes (and the occasional stufed bra), wearing way
too much make-up and using purple nail polish on his ngernails.
SATOSHI HANAMURA () - 18 years old, a college student. He looks very much like
his brother, though he has red hair and wears a red gi (karate uniform). His mannerisms are
also similar to his brother's, but he's a bit more outspoken.
- Money: The Play - Page 5
GLOSSARY OF JAPANESE ORDS AND REFERENCES
NOTE: If you do not feel like watching all these anime series to get the subtle references or to
get the intended intonation, then by all means, do it however you feel like doing it. Even
liking anime is not a prerequisite to performing or enjoying this ne musical brought to you
by the demented mind of Shinji Shindou.
Act 1, Scene 1
* A note on pronunciation: vowels are much shorter in Japanese than in English, and "R's"
are pronounced similar to a shorter version of the rolled "R." Vowel pronunciation is more
or less always consistent, difering a bit for "ii" as opposed to "i" (similar to long "e"
rather than short "i") and "ei" as opposed to "e" (similar to long "a" rather than short "e").
"Zu" and "dzu" are pronounced the same (they merely use diferent characters; under the
most common romanisation, both are "zu"); both are "zu" with a slight "d" sound in front
of it (all "z" sounds have a slight "d" sound in front of them). Correct pronunciation is
difcult to describe using the writen word, so if all else fails and you absolutely have to
have it correct, consult a native speaker (if one is available in your area).
* The boys' uniforms resemble the ones in Inu Yasha, and the girls' uniforms resembe the
ones in Blue Seed eecept with the skirt length of Kagome's in Inu Yasha (Rene's is ankle-
* "Manner mode" = "silent mode"
* The translation to the rst part is as follows:
We are wealthy.
We are powerful.
We are wealthy.
This is the Monetarian equivalent of the "Kyrie" mass part.
* The Japanese section near the middle is a reference to the fact that almost all anime ends
each episode (eecept the last one) with "to be continued." The translation is as follows:
To be continued! We'll continue the story later!
To be continued! A two-hour story is not good.
To make you come back, there's suspense.
So, we're gonna pause here. The story's to be continued!
* "Detective Conan" ("Case Closed" in North America) is a detective series about a high
school kid who solves mysteries but was turned into an 8-year-old kid. This, of course, has
absolutely nothing to do at all with what happened in "SEXism: The Play," which makes
the fact that everyone somehow understands what he means by that funny and makes
Hiroshi's comment about the audience not being dumbasses even funnier.
* The line "oh, now I get it" - I had in mind the line "Oh, sounds convincing ..." in an
episode of Azumanga Daioh, afer Yomi eeplains that IT stands for "Internet Technique."
* It is true that most Japanese foods are loaded with carbs.
- Money: The Play - Page 6
* That symbol that kinda looks like a gate is the yen symbol as it's more commonly seen in
* "BSL" is actually a parody of an American product - that product being "CSL: The
Chimney Sweeping Log."
* Police boees are common in Japan, but their use is not limited to reporting crimes.
* The big-breasted police ofcer - I had the cops from "You're Under Arrest" in mind for
* Another American reference, the "Kit Kat Bar" jingle, is referenced.
* Please tell me you get the reference to Michael Jackson.
* The teacher's personality is similar to that of Yukari from "Azumanga Daioh," though
Teacher-sensei has shorter hair and is a C-cup or smaller (thus prompting Ginta, who's
obviously very stupid, to automatically assume she's a butchy lesbian).
* Ginta says "gao" in this scene and uses it in the same conteet as the girl from "Air."
* The rst thing you might notice is that the class, a group of college students, are wearing
uniforms. This is not authentic to most colleges (if any), but is ofen done in hentai.
* "A hole New ealth" is sung to the tune of "A hole New orld" from "Aladdin."
* Botan shouts "you dumbass" like the title character from Oh! Super Milk Chan. The line
was translated to imitate ADV Films' dub of the show.
* "Afuence" : Monetarianism :: "Alleluia" : Christianity
* Adzumi Kanai was modelled afer pop singer Ayumi Hamasaki, though I doubt that
Hamasaki buys her panties from a vending machine.
* Vending machines in Japan sell just about everything imaginable that could t (orders in
restaurants are ofen taken using vending machines). However, though I have heard
rumours they eeist, I have yet to see a panty-selling vending machine.
* Commercials from drink brands sold in Japan are parodied: Boss Cofee, then Fauchon
Tea. (Incidentally, "kaichou" is the Japanese word for "boss.")
* The translation to the song Adzuki sings is as follows:
Kaichou, always in my bed.
Kaichou, always really seey.
Kaichou, I love your nice body.
Kaichou, I want to have your kids.
This is a parody of the "love song" to Boss Cofee that Ayumi Hamasaki sang in the Boss
- Money: The Play - Page 7
commercials, in which she sings "Boss, always be with me" and "Boss, I can't live without
* An obvious slam to the American kids' show "Barney & Friends" is made early on with the
description of Mr. Violetface.
* Following that, a reference to the OJ Simpson trial is made. Johnny Cochran, his lawyer,
died recently before writing started, hence the "too soon."
* The ripping of Utsuki's skirt references the rst episode of "Blue Seed," where tentacles rip
Momii's skirt of, leaving her running around the school in her panties.
* The scene then becomes an obvious rip-of of Sailor Moon with elements of Devil Hunter
Youko and Cutie Honey (the forward and reverse transformation sequences, respectively)
thrown in for good measure (i.e. fanservice).
* A note about her transformation: unlike in anime, she doesn't end up completely naked;
she only tears of enough of her clothing so that she's in her bra and panties. Afer all, my
goal isn't to write the neet great porno.
* A reference to Martha Stewart's insider trading scandal is made.
* The whipping scene is loosely based of of the ght between A-ko and B-ko in "Project
* This also makes fun of edited dubs (particularly "Yu-Gi-Oh") when Utsuki corrects herself
by saying "banished to the Shadow orld."
* "Let's go eat sashimi or something" is another Oh! Super Milk Chan reference. At the end
of every episode, the title character says, "Let's go eat sushi or something!" Sashimi, by the
way, is sliced, raw sh. Sushi is raw sh wrapped in rice and seaweed.
* Utsuki's eeplanation of the transformation sequence is not entirely of-base;
transformations are supposed to symbolise maturation, not just be a nude scene. Of course,
the teacher's remark about boys paying atention refects the fact that the transformation
sequence is usually a major reason why males watch shows of that type.
* Ecchi - From the Japanese pronunciation of the leter H (as in "hentai"), this alludes to
something moderately seey but not pornographic, usually used to describe anime/manga
of this type. It is also used as a word for "pervert."
* The chorus number at the end is loosely based of of "Ding Dong, The itch Is Dead"
from "The izard Of Oz."
* Rene makes a reference to the fact that Barbie made news last year by "breaking up with"
Ken for an Australian male doll.
* This scene is similar to the dream scene from "Fiddler On The Roof," and this tune and the
one it parodies are metrically alike, though they use a diferent tune.
* "Ganbare" means "good luck!" or "do your best!"
- Money: The Play - Page 8
* A king and queen yell in Rene's ear for seemingly no reason. This is meant to imitate a
scene in the Slayers movie, where the king and queen yell in Lina's ear as she wakes up
from a dream where a strange man is telling him the same thing that the king and queen
are yelling in her ear. She immediately used an Eeplosion Array atack on them, and Rene
parodies this by using the Erection I'm Gay atack on the play's king and queen.
* The reference is more apparent in the original version, but Rene makes a reference to Kyou
Kara MA-ou, which roughly translates to "From today on, I'm the king" - Rene spoofs this
by yelling "kyou kara JO-ou," which means "From today on, I'm the queen." Queen, of
course, is also a derogatory term for a gay person. Another reference is made to the same
anime immediately aferwards: in KKM, the lead character is fushed down a toilet and
ends up in medieval Europe (I'm not kidding about this) and becomes a prince because of
the way he looks. Rene also gets fushed down a toilet but becomes queen of the parish
casino because of his voice.
* Instead of having parish carnivals like many Christian (or at least Catholic) churches do,
the Monetarians have parish casinos.
* Ginta says a famous saying ofen writen on bathroom walls and doors; it makes fun of
the Trie cereal slogan, "Silly rabbit! Trie are for kids!"
* Rene's "No" is a parody of Pedro's "No" in Eecel Saga, complete with the giant "no."
* "Girls' love" is a genre that features love stories between two females and is, as Ginta says,
popular with the male demographic, obviously because there are no males to "get in the
way" of what they really want to see.
* Tentacles are a common motif in hentai and also in ecchi series where penises cannot be
* The song "Gates' Net orth" is the Monetarian equivalent of the "Gloria" mass part. It is
not at all uncommon for priests to lead into the "Sanctus" (which is similar in style to, but
quite a bit shorter than, the "Gloria") by referring to it as a "song of joy" (Ginta refers to
"Gates' Net orth" as a "song of greed").
* Mr. Molester's actions are supposed to make fun of the Queer Eye guys.
* Notice how the cast keeps confusing her with a certain other magical girl ...
* Haiku are poems that are usually deep in meaning, following the 5-7-5 syllable patern.
This one, of course, is a rather odd haiku, as it appears to have no real meaning, which
makes it even more odd that it would be studied in a class.
* Viagra is, of course, a drug that is meant to increase see drive.
* The Million Monetarian March is supposed to poke fun at the Million Man March.
* "-Chan" is a common sufe used for someone (usually female) that you are close to and
is usually younger than you, such as a younger sister or a girlfriend. "-Kun" is a common
- Money: The Play - Page 9
sufe atached to the names of younger males and does not make any implications
whatsoever to social status or how close the person is.
* The name "Priss Teacher" is a pun on "Onegai Teacher" ("onegai" is one way of saying
"please" in Japanese), an anime series about a boy who marries an alien who teaches his
* Ginta falls when Teacher yells "sit," a la Inu Yasha.
* The "ha-ha" is a nod to Nelson Muntz from "The Simpsons," who points and says "ha-ha"
to make fun of people.
* "Yaoi" (an acronym for a Japanese phrase meaning "no climae, no resolution, no meaning")
usually refers to more graphic boys' love stories, though the term is ofen used in America
to describe any boys' love story.
* The teacher asks for a hidden meaning. As eeplained earlier, most haiku have a hidden
meaning. This one, however, does not, which makes it even funnier that Ginta tries to
make something out of nothing. The English version is a prety close translation of the
Japanese version of the haiku.
* "I beat of every day to your picture" is based on a prank pulled on "The Venture Bros.,"
where one of the characters makes a dedication in another character's name, stating that
the other character vigorously beats of to his crush's picture every night.
* "I'm wearing you down!" was ofen said by Steve Urkel in the rare times that his crush,
Laura inslow, turned him down by name (or didn't insult him).
* The "cha-ching," of course, is a parody of the "I-ching," a Buddhist holy book (if I
remember correctly; neither the writer nor the translator are Buddhist).
* The way Ginta describes preaching Monetarianism, unlike the haiku, does have a hidden
meaning - Christianity is ofen thought of as being dangerous to seriously follow since it
fies in the face of society's "what's in it for me" values, and in this day and age, fewer and
fewer people want to hear "put others before yourself."
* "Bling bling" is a rap term referring to eepensive (ofen gold) jewellery or other shiny
* Ginta says "can I get an 'our money'" much like a stereotypical Baptist minister would say
"can I get an 'amen,'" to which all those who believe the message being preached would
respond with an "amen." Of course, since Ginta's message is so ridiculous, no one
responds with an "our money."
* "The lap of lueury" is the Monetarian equivalent of heaven.
* Hay fever is commonly caught during the spring in Japan. However, it seems rather odd
that Ginta let them take of for it or they would choose that particular disease, considering
that it doesn't get people out of doing most things (maybe they knew that Ginta was stupid
enough to fall for it); usually, people just wear masks everywhere and carry on with their
daily activities. The tenor (high) and bass (low) sections are the choir parts sung by
changed male voices.
* The "Greedo" is a parody of the "Credo," a mass part that is rarely sung any more but is
- Money: The Play - Page 10
commonly spoken. The Credo lists of the core beliefs of Christianity, as the Greedo lists
of the core beliefs of Monetarianism.
* The chorus is supposed to prety much literally turn the classroom into a circus.
* "Debt" is the Monetarian equivalent of hell.
* The entire class shouting in unison is a nod to near the end of the movie "Zoolander,"
where a group of kids are asked about a sticky economic question, to which they all reply,
in unison, "Screw them! Hold out for more!"
* Booing and throwing beer botles is based on a real-life event - at an infamous Cleveland
Browns game, a referee made a controversial call against the Browns, leading the drunken
Browns fans to boo and throw their beer botles at the referee. The fact that the teacher has
these beer botles stashed under her desk hints at her quality as a teacher.
* The scene opens with a song sung to the tune of "Light The Candles All Around The
orld," a kids' song about having one celebration that all diferent cultures around the
world can celebrate along with all the diferent religious and regional holidays that each
respective culture celebrates. This is actually a song either I or one of my friends (I forgot
which) rewrote the lyrics to back in grade school. - Shindou-kun
* Utsuki lets it slip that she's a rip-of of Sailor Moon in this scene. The royalties joke
lampoons on copyright and trademark laws and the (especially recent) misuse of them.
* A "panty shot" is a camera angle used to show a girl's panties, either by being in the right
place at the right time when a sudden gust of wind blows a girls' skirt up or by pointing
the camera up a girl's skirt. This is one of the most commonly-used forms of fanservice.
* Ginta has a nosebleed BEFORE Utsuki kicks him. Commonly in anime, instead of erections,
nosebleeds are used to indicate arousal in men.
* Again, Utsuki jokes about editing out any reference to death.
* There's a play on words here that actually is based of of something that happened while I
was at the Meii Shrine. I was with one of my friends, and we were talking about high-
ves. In America, there's a popular high- ve where the rst high- ve is "up high," and
the second one is "down low" but is pulled away at the last second, at which point the rst
person says "too slow." It turns out that "oppai" (which sounds very similar to "up high")
means "boobs" in Japanese, so when I raised my hand to do the rst high- ve and said
"up high," my friend thought I said "oppai," leading to a very deep, philosophical
discussion ... ah, who am I kidding? e spent the neet ve minutes talking about
fanservice and ecchi. (- Shindou-kun) TL Note: This joke was impossible to translate
without completely destroying the joke, so I decided to leave it as "oppai."
* The girl who stares endlessly and goes "jiiiiiii ..." refers to Nanako, one of Kozue's
personalities in Mahoraba Heartful Days.
* Hiroshi jokes about the game "smear the queer," which is a kids' game where one person is
designated "the queer," and the other players try to hit "the queer" with kickballs, trying