Parenting in a New Culture A guide for Arabic-speaking parents

Parenting in a New Culture
A guide for Arabic-speaking parents
© Spectrum Migrant Resource Centre
Second Edition
2008

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Dedication
This guide is dedicated to all new migrant of Arabic speaking backgrounds
living and bringing up their children and teenagers in Australia.
“ If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live,
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to love and to be loved.”
Anonymous

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Acknowledgments
This parenting guide was produced to assist new immigrant parents in raising their children in
Australia. The first edition was released in 2004 and distributed to parents from Arabic speaking
backgrounds, living throughout Australia.
This second edition builds on the feedback and suggestions that we received from Australian of
Arabic speaking backgrounds, who read the first edition and found it helpful. The second edition
also features the advice and expertise of Australian-Arabic parenting experts who were invited to
participate in our panel of experts. These individuals were selected carefully on the basis of their
experience as parents who have brought up their children in the Australian environment. Furthermore,
many of the parenting experts also bring university qualifications in an area that complements their
experience as Australian-Arabic immigrants.
I would like to thank our Family Services Manager Dr Khairy Majeed who has been a principal
contributor in the design of the framework and all research that has led to this successful series of
parenting guides. Dennis Glover is thanked for his contribution as our in-house editor, and Denise
Goldfinch in assisting in the design and marketing.
The Australian Commonwealth Government through the Department of Families, Housing, Community
Services and Indigenous Affairs had the foresight to provide funds for this project via the ’Responding
Early Assisting Children (REACh)’ funding program. The views expressed in this publication are those
solely of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Minister or the Commonwealth
Government Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.
Stephanie Lagos
Chief Executive Officer
How can I get a copy of this guide?
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You can get additional copies of this guide by:
• Printing a copy from our website – www.spectrumvic.org.au
• Visiting us at our main office – 251 High Street, Preston
• Contacting us directly via telephone (+61) (03) 9496 0200

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Table of contents
Dedication ............................................................................................................ 1
Acknowledgments .................................................................................................. 2
How can I get a copy of this guide ............................................................................ 2
Introduction .......................................................................................................... 4
Session 1: Parenting Australian - Arabic children and teenagers in a new culture .......... 5
Session 2: Understanding how your child develops .................................................... 9
Session 3: Helping your children develop self confidence ......................................... 19
Session 4: Improving your children’s language and social skills ................................. 23
Session 5: How to communicate feelings ................................................................ 27
Session 6: Stop the fights with your children ............................................................ 31
Session 7: How to discipline your children .............................................................. 37
Session 8: Managing family stress ......................................................................... 43
Session 9: Dealing with teenagers ......................................................................... 47
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Members of the Parenting Expert Panel .................................................................... 55

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Introduction
As a migrant parent you are likely to have experienced many challenges. These can include bridging
the cultural values you were taught about parenting with those values that are commonly practiced
by parents born in Australia.
As parents you may be worried that by raising your children here in Australia they will reject or forget
their Arabic cultural heritage and language. You may also be concerned that your children may be
hindered in taking up opportunities in Australia.
It is natural to have some of these concerns, but it is also important for parents to know that you are
more likely to produce confident and self assured children by insisting your children learn about their
Arabic cultural traditions, and also become familiar and connected to Australian culture. Children
raised in this way are also more likely to grow up to become successful adults.
This guide was inspired by new migrant parents who approached the Spectrum Migrant Resource
Centre seeking advice and guidance about parenting in a new cultural environment. Many Arabic
parents are here in Australia without the support or guidance of their own parents or relatives who
would have normally stepped in to support them back home.
Many Arabic families are reluctant to seek the advice of strangers or professionals outside the family.
This guide offers an opportunity to assist you without judging you as parents or prescribing the right
and wrong ways to raise your children. We recommend that both mothers and fathers read the guide
together to gain the most benefit. Parenting issues covered in this guide include:
• Comparing and finding out about the different ideas, values and fashions your children will be
exposed to at school and when mixing with Australian born friends;
• Australian laws about children, and your legal obligations in protecting your children from harm;
• Becoming familiar with the physical, social, and emotional developmental stages your child will
progress through as he or she grows;
• Practical exercises for both mothers and fathers in solving some difficult situations with your teenagers.
Spectrum is always trying to improve our services to new migrant parents as we provide you with help
to settle here in Australia. We look forward to your feedback on this guide, and you can also find
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out about our other services through our website - www.spectrumvic.org.au.
Try not to worry, and remember that many other Arabic-Australian parents who have migrated to
Australia before you, have brought up loving and successful children who bring joy and pride to their
families and to the whole Australian community.
Stephanie Lagos
Chief Executive Officer

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Session 1 :
Parenting Australian-Arabic children and
teenagers in a new culture

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Session 1: Parenting Australian
and aunts as well as respected community elders.
Arabic children and teenagers
In return, parents accept their responsibility to
in a new culture
nurture their children and to help them succeed
in a manner that enhances the standing and
In this guidebook we discuss Arabic values, reputation of the whole family.
traditions and practices as they relate to bringing
up children. It is important to acknowledge Arabic family values
that Arabic culture varies greatly between While much has changed in recent generations,
regions, countries, rural and city dwellers and traditional Arabic values continue to influence
tribal communities. This diversity is reflected in family life and parenting styles. While you may
Australia’s Arabic community, which is drawn not bring up your children in exactly the same
from 22 nations across Asia, Middle-East and way your parents brought you up, you are likely
Africa. Despite significant national differences, to be influenced by familiar Arabic traditions
Arabic-speaking people also share common and practices.
cultural traditions and practices which influence
family life.
Arabic cultural norms in raising children can
sometimes clash with traditional Anglo-Australian
In Arabic culture the family is regarded as the parenting styles and practices. For example:
most important building block of society. The
concept of the family is a wider one than is • Arabic boys can be given more freedom to
generally understood in many other cultures. socialise outside the family compared to girls
The Arabic family across all countries usually who are more likely to be constrained in who
extends to include brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles they socialise with outside the family. This can
and cousins. In some traditional rural Arabic be interpreted by some non-Arabic parents and
communities, past tribal traditions extend the professionals as not treating boys and girls
definition of family beyond immediate relatives equally.
to include distant relatives as well.
• Although both Arabic fathers and mothers
Arabic culture places extremely high importance typically have strong emotional bonds with their
on building close social relationships between children, fathers are more likely to be responsible
extended family members which can also extend for disciplining the children. Teachers or others
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to others outside the family, such as neighbours outside the Arabic community may interpret
and friends.
Arabic fathers as behaving in an authoritarian or
emotionally distant manner, and any comments
Traditionally children are expected to respect and they make about this may confuse your child.
obey not only their parents but also people from
older generations such as grandparents, uncles

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• In Arabic culture mothers are commonly may challenge parents by making decisions about
expected to develop a close and nurturing their future without deferring to or consulting with
relationship with their children. This may be you as parents. When the goals and desires of
different to other cultures, including the Anglo-
your teenager clash with your expectations this
Australian culture, where mothers and fathers are may leave you feeling hurt and angry with your
expected to share nurturing and decision-making child.
around family issues
Below is a list that helps explain some of the
Arabic-speaking children are exposed to different differences you may see between Arabic and
Australian values. As they grow older, teenagers Australian family values and practices.
Traditional Arabic family values
Typical Australian family values
Boys and girls may be treated differently
Boys and girls are not necessarily treated
because of their gender
differently because of their gender
Strict obedience to the decision of parents is
Children can openly question or challenge
expected from children, especially decisions
parents decisions and decision making
of the father
processes
Children are expected to meet academic
Children are encouraged to set their own
and career goals set by their parents
individual goals
Fathers are generally the primary decision
Mothers and fathers usually jointly make
makers
decisions in relation to their children
Children are obliged to provide emotional
Children are encouraged to become self-
and financial support to parents in the future
reliant and financially independent and do
not have ongoing obligations to parents
when they reach adulthood
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Children are expected to show pride in,
Children are expected to develop strong
respect and follow their cultural and family
self-esteem and are permitted to question
traditions
traditions and only follow those family
traditions that appeal to them

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A family’s social standing is measured by
A family’s social standing is often based
the degree to which they are seen to follow
on the possession of social and economic
cultural norms as set by the wider Arabic
symbols of ‘success’. These may include:
society. Symbols of high status may include:
• children attending private schools or
• having completed tertiary education
high achieving schools
• being in an academic related profession
• living in a middle class suburb
• children who, as adults, continue to
• being in a profession or trade
obey their parents wishes when making
associated with good financial rewards
decisions
• children achieving financial
• children who continue to be close to
independence from their parents and
and socialise with their parents
establishing their own separate
• children who marry someone that the
friendships and social networks outside
parents choose or approve.
the family.
Children who do not behave in a way
If children misbehave or come to the
consistent with community prescribed
attention of the police, it is the children who
religious and moral codes can bring shame
are negatively judged by the rest of the
on their family and negatively affect the
community with little if any impact on the
reputation of the whole family.
reputation to brothers and sisters or even
parents.
Positive parenting
What is the best way to bring up children? Every culture and every family has its own way, and this
guide makes no judgement about which way is best. One thing for you to consider is applying the
principles of ‘positive parenting’. This means being a parent who actively does things to help your
children develop so they reach their full potential and grow into confident and well-adjusted adults.
Positive parenting involves understanding the way your children think, getting them to listen to you
and appreciating their many needs at each stage of growing up.
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Positive parenting can be made compatible with every culture.
It involves five important things you can do for your children:
1. Provide a safe and secure home life

4. Have realistic expectations
2. Help them learn



5. Take proper care of yourself.
3. Teach them to deal with conflict effectively

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