Preparing for Death
and Helping the Dying
by Sangye Khadro
e
BUDDHANET'S
BOOK LIBRARY
E-mail: bdea@buddhanet.net
Web site: www.buddhanet.net
Buddha Dharma Education Association Inc.

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First published in 1999
Revised edition published in May 2003
for free distribution
Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery
Publication, Art & Design Department
88 Bright Hill Road
Singapore 574117
Tel: (65) 6552 7426
Email: publication@kmspks.org
www.kmspks.org
10,000 books, September 2003
ISBN 981-04-8920-X
© Sangye Khadro (Kathleen McDonald) 1999
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publisher, we require permission to be obtained in writing,
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CONTENTS
Preface To The Revised Edition ...... v
Introduction ...... vii
Buddhist Perspective on Death
q Death is a natural, inevitable part of life ...... 1
q It is very important to accept
and be aware of death ...... 4
q Death is not the end of everything,
but a gateway into another life ...... 6
q It is possible to become free from death
and rebirth ...... 8
How to Prepare for Death
q The four tasks of living and dying ...... 10
q Live ethically ...... 13
q Study spiritual teachings ...... 15
q Cultivate a spiritual practice ...... 15
q Become familiar with the stages
of the death process ...... 19
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Helping Others who are Dying
q Working on our own emotions ...... 24
q Giving hope and finding forgiveness ...... 26
q How to help someone
who is a Buddhist ...... 28
q How to help someone
who is not a Buddhist ...... 31
q The time of death ...... 33
q Helping after death ...... 36
Conclusion ...... 38
Appendix ...... 39
Inspiring Quotes ...... 45
Recommended Reading ...... 50
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PREFACE TO THE REVISED
EDITION
This booklet is based on material used during a
seminar that I have taught a number of times in
Singapore and elsewhere, entitled “Preparing for
Death and Helping the Dying.” This seminar
answers a genuine need in today’s world, as
expressed by one participant: “I am interested to
know more about death and how to help dying
people, but it’s very difficult to find anyone willing
to talk about these things.”
The material for the seminar is taken mainly
from two sources: traditional Buddhist teachings,
and contemporary writings in the field of caring
for the dying. This booklet is meant as a brief
introduction to the subject rather than a detailed
explanation. My hope is that it will spark interest
in the ideas presented. For those of you who wish
to learn more, a list of recommended books is
provided at the end.
The booklet was first published in October,
1999 in Singapore. For this present edition, I have
made some changes to the original text, and added
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more material, including two appendices. Any
suggestions for further changes and additions would
be most welcome.
Sangye Khadro
March, 2003
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INTRODUCTION
Death is a subject that most people do not like to
hear about, talk about, or even think about. Why
is this? After all, whether we like it or not, each and
every one of us will have to die one day. And even
before we have to face our own death, we will most
probably have to face the deaths of other people—
our family members, friends, colleagues, and so
forth. Death is a reality, a fact of life, so wouldn’t
it be better to approach it with openness and
acceptance, rather than fear and denial?
Perhaps the discomfort we have towards death
is because we think it will be a terrible, painful and
depressing experience. However, it doesn’t have to
be so. Dying can be a time of learning and growth;
a time of deepening our love, our awareness of what
is important in life, and our faith and commitment
to spiritual beliefs and practices. Death can even be
an opportunity to gain insight into the true nature
of ourselves and all things, an insight that will
enable us to become free from all suffering.
Let’s take the example of Inta McKimm, the
director of a Buddhist centre in Brisbane, Australia.
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Inta died of lung cancer in August, 1997. Two
months before her death she wrote in a letter to her
Spiritual Teacher, Lama Zopa Rinpoche: “Although
I am dying, this is the happiest time of my life!....
For a long time life seemed so hard, so difficult. But
when really recognizing death it turned into the
greatest happiness. I wouldn’t want anyone to miss
out on their own death, the great happiness that
comes with having recognized impermanence and
death. This is quite surprising and unexpected, and
extremely joyful. It is the greatest happiness of my
whole life, the greatest adventure and the greatest
party!”
Inta spent the last few months of her life
dedicating herself to spiritual practice. At the time
of her death her mind was peaceful, and she was
surrounded by family and friends praying for her.
There are many similar stories of Lamas, monks,
nuns and spiritual practitioners who are able to face
death with serenity and dignity, and in some cases
are even able to remain in a state of meditation
during and after their death. With the proper
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training and preparation, a peaceful and positive
death is possible for each and every one of us.
It is important to examine the thoughts, feelings
and attitudes we have regarding death and dying, to
see whether or not they are realistic and healthy.
How do you feel when you read or hear the news
of a disaster where many people were killed
suddenly and unexpectedly? How do you feel when
you hear that one of your own family members or
friends has died or been diagnosed with cancer?
How do you feel when you see a hearse, or drive
past a cemetery? What do you think it will be like
to die? And do you believe in anything beyond this
life, on the other side of death?
There are two unhealthy attitudes people
sometimes have towards death. One is to be
frightened, thinking that it will be a horrible,
painful experience, or that it means total
annihilation. This fear leads to denial and wanting
to avoid thinking or talking about death. Is this a
good idea, considering the fact that we will have to
go through it one day? Wouldn’t it be better to
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Document Outline

• BuddhaNet Title Page for
• Preparing for Death & Helping the Dying
• Preparing for Death & Helping the Dying
• -- A Buddhist Perspective
  • Introduction
  • Preface to the Revised Edition
  • Contents
• Buddhist Perspectives on Death
  • Death is a natural, inevitable part of life
  • It is very important to accept & be aware of death
  • Death is not the end of everything, but a gateway into another life
  • It is possible to become free from death & rebirth
• How to Prepare for Death
  • Four tasks of living and dying
  • Live ethically
  • Become familiar with the stages of the death process
  • Cultivate a spiritual practice
  • Study spiritual teachings
• Helping Others Who are Dying
  • Working on our own emotions
  • Giving hope and finding forgiveness
  • How to help someone who is a Buddhist
  • How to help someone who is not a Buddhist
  • The time of death
  • Helping after death
• Conclusion
• Appendices & Notes
  • Appendix 1
  • Appendix 2
  • Notes
  • Inspiring Quotes
  • Recommended Reading
  • Hospice Care Services in Singapore

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