SEXUALITY GOD’S WAY
Why Is It Important to Understand What God Has to Say About Human Sexuality?
HUMAN SEXUALITY DEFINED: It is everything in a person that has to do with
being sexual, maleness and femaleness, including the intellectual, emotional, social,
spiritual and moral parts of our being.
• We begin with the 1st premise that God made each person; therefore, He knows all
about us. Because God is our Maker, He knows more about our sexuality than we
do and how we can be at our best sexually.
• God has a great deal to say about human sexuality and the relationship/s that will bring
out the best sexually, for each individual, his/her family, community, and nation.
• Individuals going outside God’s prescription for healthy sexuality bring untold misery
and destruction. Therefore, it is important that those who claim to follow God be
equipped to communicate His message with understanding, knowing the times in
which they live.
1 Chronicles 12:32 “…Isaachar had sons who understood their times and
had a knowledge of what Israel should do.”
• AIDS is, in the first place, a sexually transmitted disease and exists because people
lack understanding regarding sexuality God’s way, and the consequences of expressed
sexuality outside of God’s prescription for fulfillment. Consequences include:
diseases, untimely deaths in catastrophic numbers especially from AIDS, broken
relationship/s, dysfunctional families, spousal abuse, divorce, unwanted pregnancies,
killing of unborn by abortion, rape, and sexual abuse, etc.
• The AIDS pandemic worldwide is a direct result of so-called sexual freedom without
adequate personal responsibility. Strategies to curb the epidemic outside of sexuality
God’s way, have failed worldwide and AIDS continues to spread unabated.
• In the past, the Christian Church remained relatively silent on human sexuality. At
best, the church presented a moralistic set of rules for sexual behaviour that often gave
a negative message, without teaching about God’s love and empowerment for sexual
health His way. Failing to know the God behind the rules, the benefits of godly life-
style, motivation to righteousness, grace and compassion were many times lost.
• Personal empowerment through Jesus Christ and heart change is the ONLY answer to
the moral breakdown of society and the resulting devastation such as AIDS.
• Christians in the Church need to not only teach moral purity (abstinence before
marriage and faithfulness in marriage), but Christians need to show the world that it is
possible and desirable to keep sexually pure, benefiting both short and long term.
• Christians need understanding about God’s character: His purity, love, grace,
compassion, and empowerment. Their decision to stay sexually pure should be based
on both their love for God and their fear of God.
• It is only within the context of a relationship with God that sexual morality makes
• The World Health Organization holds that abstinence and faithfulness in a
monogamous relationship is the single most effective control for the spread of AIDS.
• It is past time that the Christian Church leads the nation(s) with meaningful solutions
to the moral dilemma and resulting AIDS, rather than by criticizing non-Christians
who are struggling to find solutions.
Today’s Sexual Ethos Compared to the Past
These principles that governed sexual behaviour in past generations and were generally
supported by the community are:
• Sexual expression outside of marriage was wrong.
• The family was the primary source of information and life-style building, with
the community structures supporting family life (school, recreation, etc.).
• Sexual activity outside of marriage was considered “damage”. The offenders
were accountable to the family. Damages were paid, and consequences
followed. This brought about (whether negatively or positively) personal
responsibility for one’s sexual actions, rather than just self-gratification.
• Most young people remained virgins, at least though their teen years. In
America and most nations through the 1960s, only about 8% of high schoolers
were sexually active (around 18 years or older). Then, if you were younger
and became sexually active, you remained silent about it because it was
shameful to admit.
• Most couples got married before they were sexually active together. Having
children born out of wedlock was considered shameful.
The changes in principles that govern sexual behaviour in today’s society are:
• Belief that people are basically good and will not abuse the power of sexuality.
Individuals with sexual difficulties are often stereotyped (e.g. those BAD
people, criminals, prostitutes, gay people, etc.). It is important to realise that
many people battle with their sexual drives, expressions, and moral
• The family has been replaced by the media (TV, radio, newspaper, magazines,
etc.) in teaching children about sexuality. Hollywood’s standards of
sexuality are sweeping the globe and being copied by today’s youth.
• The family structure is disintegrating so children lack role models, and are
self-taught in lifestyle. Peers, rather than parents, have become the great
influencers in their lives.
• Marriage is now “un-cool”. Living together and sexual intimacy outside of
marriage is now becoming desirable. Stable relationships are now “revolving”
relationships. Young men feel pressure that sexual experimentation equals
manhood. Young women feel pressure that they are undesirable if they are not
taken to bed, or that they must prove their fertility. Children are now
commonly born out of wedlock and often do not relate to their biological
• Sexuality is now a matter of “my rights” or “my needs” rather than personal
responsibility and relationship. Sexual virginity before marriage is now
considered “backward, unprogressive and unattainable”. Sexual faithfulness in
marriage is considered boring and old-fashioned.
• Many nations in the 1990s have 80-90% of high schoolers either sexually
experimenting or sexually active. Many teens end up psychologically scarred
and physically ill with sexually transmitted diseases. The sexually transmitted
diseases (STDs) we were dealing with then, which numbered five in 1950,
now number more than fifty. Most of these are either incurable or leave lasting
• Good sex is the goal rather than a deep relationship with another human being.
Revolving-door relationships are becoming normal (as one lover goes out, the
next one moves in).
• Personal independence is now treasured over family interdependence or
contribution to family and community.
• There is now no absolute RIGHT or WRONG. Truth is a matter of personal
taste and opinion. What is true for you may not be true for me. There is no
objective standard of truth against which to measure our actions. Each has
his/her own opinion!
What is God’s Standard for Human Sexuality?
• The Bible teaches that God’s standard for sexual purity, sexual fulfillment, and sexual
wholeness is: abstinence from sexual activity until married; faithfulness in marriage to
one man and one woman for life or until parted by death.
• God created each one of us in His image. We receive our value from being God’s
unique creation, not from our sexual performance. God created each person special
and worthy of respect and dignity of others. This includes women and girls, as well
as men and boys. Both are equally valuable in God’s sight.
• Sexuality means more than just having sex. Sex is to be a loving expression of
“oneness” between a man and a woman who are committed to each other for all their
lives in marriage. Sexual expression is not just a feeling one has in his/her private
parts or a biological urge. Sexuality is the most intimate expression that flows out of
the marital relationship affecting our bodies, our emotions, our spiritual being, our
intellect, our morals and values, our family, and our community.
• Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman for life – the sexual act is the
celebration of this covenant, just as holy communion is the celebration of our
covenant with Jesus Christ, God’s Son. Sexual expression is not just a “love” feeling.
The sexual expression is backed up by trust, faithfulness, commitment, responsibility,
and respect demonstrated through both good and bad times by the married couple.
• Sexuality is not blind “feeling or hormones”. It is created within each person by God
and includes the ability to make choices. Animals do not have these choices, but
people do because it is a gift of God. With this freedom comes the responsibility of
the consequences of our choices. If a person chooses rightly, then the consequence/s
will be beneficial and good. If a person chooses wrongly, then the consequence/s will
be harmful, destructive, and damaging.
Deuteronomy 30:19 “I have set before you life and death, blessing and
cursing; therefore choose life that both you and your descendants may live.”
• God created man and woman as two parts of a whole, complementing each other.
Each is equally important, but have different roles within a marriage and family
structure. Each is to seek the other’s good, and by doing so will bring good to
himself/herself and to subsequent children and family.
Genesis 2:1 “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him.”
19:4-5 “Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning
made them male and female and said: For this reason a man shall leave his
father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?
So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined
together, let man not separate.”
• Marriage is so important to God that He performs this spiritual union and sanctifies
every marriage. Marriage is not just a legal matter; it is a spiritual union done by God
and should not be taken lightly or be a revolving-door situation.
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but
fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Sexual intercourse within marriage
is sacred in God’s sight. It is meant to build strength into the marriage and not
only to create children and/or meet the biological needs of the spouses.
2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love,
peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Galations 6: 7 & 8 “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man
sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap
corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.”
What Are Reasons Given Today for Premarital and Extramarital Sex?
The Church must be able to address this worldly thinking with biblical, no-nonsense
answers that show these reasons to be weak, negative, and harmful in the long-term.
God’s way always makes good sense if one will listen and apply it. God’s ways are not
just rules to make our life restricted, unhappy or legalistic. His ways do truly bring
abundant life with long-lasting benefit for everyone. This is the Church’s business to
teach and demonstrate. The following are the “wrong” reasons to engage in sex:
• That personal rights including acting out your feelings are the most important
thing. So, “if it feels good do it” has become the rule for today’s generation.
However, acting on a feeling can often leave the other person hurt, damaged, and
forever disrespected. No one has the right to do that to another creation of God!
• Everyone is “doing” sex and I don’t want to be different. Firstly, “everyone” isn’t
doing it. Many unmarried and married persons make quality decisions to be sexually
pure, true to God and themselves, and accomplishing it! God did not create us to do
what everyone else does. He gave us brains and ability to be individuals and
determine our own destiny. Certainly, the consequences of our actions, whether good
or bad, will not be reaped by the “group”. Rather, consequences are an individual
matter. Our life direction also is an individual matter, not the “group’s”.
• Abstinence before marriage and faithfulness in marriage until death parts is not
manageable or attainable. Modern society tells us this lie! For generations people
have had pressure to violate their morals sexually, yet the majority in the past did not.
While it is true that today’s sexual pressure to immorality is greater then ever before,
it is also true that a moral life-style is possible. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to
live inside of us through salvation. He empowers us to live godly, sexually pure lives.
He will do that for you if you ask Him.
• Sexual immorality is more fun in life and brings more satisfaction than does
morality. Ruined families, ruined marriages, sexual addiction, sexually transmitted
diseases, sickness, death, AIDS, and damaged minds prove that sexual immorality has
a very costly but hidden price tag. Sex outside of God’s prescription has a price tag –
and the cost in human lives is beyond description. Having sex outside of marriage
never brings good results; it always damages and causes pain.
• Adults do it and sex makes me feel grown up when I do it. Having sex proves
that I am grown up. Particularly young people need understanding that doing
“adult” things means taking “adult” responsibility. Having sex brings adult
responsibility towards oneself, the other person, towards health, towards the
subsequent children that are born, and to society. It is better for a young person to
WAIT for sex until marriage to prepare himself for married responsibility, and then to
fulfil adult responsibility well. Otherwise, the alternative is having sex without
responsibility, which hurts both oneself and others.
• It looks exciting on TV and I want excitement. Remember, TV is a make-believe,
fake world. The viewer of TV-sex never sees under the blankets, or into the lives of
those who portray this image. Usually, their lives are the most messed up.
• I’m lonely and I need someone to love. No one will love me if I don’t have sex.
Indeed, the opposite is true. Most people who want to have casual sex with you will
drop you after they are finished with you. Not only will you be lonelier, but you also
will end up with a hurt heart and hurt mind.
• My boy/girl friend and I love each other; therefore it is right to have sex to prove
our love. Wrong! Sex proves nothing. Commitment, trust, honesty, respect and
honor prove love. Doing sex is an easy way to say, “Make me feel good; satisfy my
urges.” That is using another person, not love!
• I have feelings in my private parts and I have difficulty controlling them. I don’t
think I can wait that long for sex. There are things each person can do to avoid
sexual indulgence. These are discussed in Chapter 6. You can take personal steps to
control your sexual urges. One of the best things to do when you feel sexual
temptation is to NOT play with those feelings. Immediately run from any situation
that causes you to want to be sexually impure. Run quickly!
1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee (run away from) sexual immorality.”
What are the Lies of the Media about Sex?
• Without sex a relationship has no meaning. That has been proven incorrect over
many generations. Unions that have sex first with little depth to relationship are self-
centered, hurtful, and brief. Sex is NEVER the main strength of any lasting
• Getting formally married makes no difference. Yes, it does. Statistics prove that
couples who do NOT engage in sex before marriage, plan their marriage, and go
through a formal marriage are three times less likely to divorce than those who sleep
together before marriage or just sleep together without formalizing their marriage.
Getting married has many benefits, especially for those who honour and work at their
• I want to be like the TV actors! In most cases, especially from America, actors have
sad lives of multiple and unfulfilled sex partners, drug abuse, spousal and child abuse,
and generally messed up lives. TV actors who live stable and honourable lives,
producing emotionally stable children are indeed rare!
The plain fact is, that SEX in the media sells….and sex in the media is about money not
about your good! Those who fall for this lie are falling into the money trap that is filling
the pockets of exploiters. Remember, it is not your pockets that will be filled, but some
one else’s. Sex depicted by the standard of the media will leave you bankrupt, empty, and
damaged at your expense!
What are the Consequences of Sex Outside of Marriage?
• Sexually transmitted diseases like herpes, gonorrhoea, and syphilis
• Pelvic inflammatory diseases leading to an inability to have children
• Unwanted pregnancy
• A damaged self-image and feeling used
• Jealousy within the relationship
• Unable to trust partner
• Unable to make full commitment later on in life--easier to stick to casual
sexual relations than a committed relationship
• Feelings of rejection when relationship breaks up….emotional scars
• Sometimes gender confusion leading to homosexuality
• Feeling guilty
• Fear that parents, etc., might discover truth
• Emotional pain and scarring
• Pregnancy and the financial pressure of having to raise a child may lead to
inability to finish education
• Inability to further qualify oneself in occupation of choice
• The need to give up some of your dreams and goals
• Driven to justify sexual lifestyle
Moral • Subsequent searing of conscience—increasingly unable to distinguish right
• Stress caused by awareness that one’s actions are wrong, but unable to
• Difficulty staying faithful in marriage if accustomed to casual sex before
• Lack of character development. (Note: Reputation is what others think of
you; character is what you are in the dark.) Many people spend much time and
energy on their reputation, while God is interested in building His character in
Social • Difficulty in enjoying uncomplicated, non-sexual friendship with opposite sex
because of increased sexual awareness
• Being labeled as someone with loose morals/loss of reputation—never sure
whether partner is interested in you or only in having sex
• May have to give up care-free activities enjoyed by peers because of premature
• Relationships with friends of opposite sex strained because of jealousy—never
sure who might be next boyfriend/girlfriend
• Exploitation by others; exploitation of others
• Life has to take on a dimension of deceit, lying, etc., to hide sexual habits
• Feeling far from God because sin separates from God
• Feeling guilty and dirty inside
• Unable to freely worship God
• Unable to freely pray to God; unable to apply God’s Word to one’s life
• Difficulty in resisting temptation and saying “No” to sex…one’s relationship
with God becomes distant
• Inner person becomes depraved and spiritually empty
What are the Benefits of Sexual Purity? (No sex outside of marriage)
• You avoid emotional stress
• You avoid shallow relationships
• You spare yourself emotional hurts and scars
• You spare feeling of being used just for sex
• You avoid the hurt of break up
• You value your own body and sexuality as a gift, not as something to be
• You learn REAL communication and not a cheap substitute
• You develop TRUST, HONOUR, COMMITMENT, HONESTY,
FAITHFULNESS and VALUE in yourself and the other person
• You don’t risk being compared to someone else
• You develop relationships for WHO you ARE and not just for your body
• You build your own self-worth and that of the other person
• You don’t risk sexual addiction
• You don’t risk sexual perversion
• You don’t have bad memories accompanied by guilt and regret
• You protect your own self-worth
• You will not be judged on “sexual” performance but loved for WHO you are
• You will not risk getting sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS that
can make you sick, be transmitted to your unborn child/children, or even cause
you to die
• You will know a sense of personal well-being
• You and your future family will be protected
• You will develop character
• There will be no personal bruises including guilt
• You will grow in personal strength
• You are protected from God’s judgement on immorality
Key Bible Verses Regarding Human Behaviour and Sexuality
Psalms 119: 9, 11 “How can a young man cleanse his way?….Your word I have
hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you.”
Ephesians 4:22-24 “….that you put off the old man which grows corrupt
according to the deceitful lusts and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and
that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true
righteousness and holiness.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
James 1:14-15 “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own
desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and
sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
Ephesians 5:22, 25 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord….
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself for her.”
Isaiah 62:5 “…..as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God
rejoice over you.”
1 Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about
like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”
Ephesians 5: 13-17 “But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the
light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: Awake, you who
sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light. See then that you walk
circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are
evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”
1 Corinthians 2:9 “…Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into
the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
Genesis 1:27-28 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He
created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and
God said to the, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have
dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living
thing that moves on the earth.”
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man
have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband, Let the husband
render to his wife the affection due her and likewise also the wife to her
husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband
does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but
the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that
you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that
Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but
fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
1 Corinthians 10:8 “Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did,
and in one day twenty-three thousand fell.”
1 Corinthians 6: 9-11 “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit
the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor
adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor
drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And
such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you
were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”
Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life
in Christ Jesus our Lord.”