the Graeme Times - April 2011

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THE
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A n e w s p a p e r b y M i t c h F r a s e r & G r a e m e S t e w a r t

WIG-NAPPED!
A local business has marred by
sea-thievery
early
Sunday
WANTED
afternoon.
The following is an
Authorities say an eight-armed
artist rendering of the
beast was spotted with multiple
wig-napper:
wigs on Spring Garden road shortly
after 3:00pm.
“I heard rumors that it was some
bitch with some big-ass lips, using
her giant lips to suction the wigs
right off the mannequins” says
Mitch Fraser, local pirate.
Investigations are now underway,
but the manager remains “pissed
off.” Merchandiser Kathy Marsh
says, “When I came in my store and
seen naked heads, I was distraught.
Theyʼre un-beautifying my girls!”
Time will tell whether or not our
wigs will drift ashore or remain lost
at sea.
- Graeme Stewart, Graeme Times
S e a m u s o f f e r s a l t e r n a t i v e p e r s p e c t i v e !
“I SAW
Seamus Dalton, also an employee of American Apparel,
offers a different take on the situation.
IT!”
“All Iʼll say is that this shit is definitely an inside job…” he
remarks mysteriously.
If you or anyone you know has any information on the
wig-napper, write in to the Graeme Times. You could see
your article in the next issue!

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