Wedding Tips: Maintain Control of the Plans

Wedding Tips: Maintain Control of the Plans
The happy couple has just announced that they have set a date for a wedding. It's still several months
away, but as most of us realize, a great deal of effort goes into the planning of the ceremony, regardless
of whether it's a big wedding, or just a small gathering. The couple-to-be should be prepared for the
hazards that always tend to be present during this planning phase, where any number of friends,
relatives, and professionals will step forward to "help." These people are generally well-intentioned,
but the ideas that they have for the big day may not exactly match those of the bride and groom. As
time before the big day gets shorter, as money gets tighter, and as emotions run higher, the "ideal"
wedding that was originally visualized by the engaged couple may quickly turns to "We should have
eloped." In order to survive this potentially dangerous period of time, the engaged couple should, from
the beginning, insist on having the authority to make a final decision on any point of contention
concerning the plans for the wedding, understanding that those decisions will need to be based on
common sense and what is truly affordable.
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Maintaining control of your own wedding plans is not an impossible achievement, but will take a little
forethought when dealing with each of the "helpers."
1. Parents. Okay, let's face it. In many cases, when the parents are the ones paying the wedding bills
after the couple have headed for the Caribbean, it is natural and reasonable for them to want to have
some control of how things go. By the time they are parents-of-the-bride (or groom, as the case may
be), they have probably participated in many weddings, and will likely have a pre-conceived notion of
what is appropriate and what is not. The bride-and-groom-to-be should certainly respect this
experience, and listen carefully to the advice the parents provide. However, if the happy couple has
managed to plan a ceremony that fits their own style, and at the same time, fits the wedding budget that
the parents had in mind from the beginning, then the chances for disagreement are reduced. In other
words, having an early, frank discussion with those financing the wedding is an important step.
Beautiful weddings that express the creativity of the couple do not have to be expensive, and living
within a wedding budget can be done as long as the limits are known from the start.
2. Wedding Planner. If the couple intends to use a wedding planner, they should understand that the
planner's primary functions are to advise and coordinate. While the wedding planner may have a claim
to a lot of wedding experience, it does not give him/her the right to replace the couple's creativity with
his/her own. The way to work with the planner is to have frequent meetings prior to the wedding, and
point out your own preferences, such as the order of the ceremony, the style of music, whether the
atmosphere is to be formal or casual, etc. When the wedding planner offers suggestions, approve only
those that are consistent with your own ideas. Remember, the wedding is a lifetime memory for you,
but only another work day for the planner. Keep the upper hand.

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3. Clergy/Officiator. Like the wedding planner, the clergyman that will officiate at your wedding will
probably have performed the same function on many previous occasions. He/she may have a tendency
to take over, particularly at the wedding rehearsal, and have members of the wedding party standing
places that you never intended them to stand, and entering the sanctuary in a sequence you never
intended to use. Once again, knowing what you want the ceremony to look like at an early point, and
relating that information to your clergyman is essential to maintaining control.

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